Bernie is happy that Vanessa has joined the Spirit Squad, until he sees the racey costumes and provacative routines. Jordan enlists Bryana and her friends to help him sell a product.

Kevin Burkhardt, John Lynch and Pam Oliver

When "Island Madness" threatens to destroy harmony on the island, Ginger uses a crystal ball to give everyone something to hope for.
The Howells are broke, or so the radio says. After the rest of the group stops Mr. Howell's suicide attempts, they try to train them for other lines of work for after they are rescued.
Gilligan must guard the last precious orange when the Professor determines that the castaways are in need of vitamins.

Hamilton Township, Mercer County, New JerseyHamilton, NJ

Bernie feuds with fellow comic Chris Rock. Meanwhile, Jordan is desperate to catch the Pink eye disease, which is going around, but the fun ends when Wanda tells him that his class is having an "Air Fair" and his whole class is riding in a helicopter. Guest appearance by Jay Leno.

;First quarter
* WAS – Kai Forbath 44-yard field goal, 09:52
;Second quarter
* DAL – Dez Bryant 5-yard pass from Tony Romo, Dan Bailey kick, 04:52
;Third quarter
* WAS – Alfred Morris 5-yard run, Kai Forbath kick, 09:56
* DAL – Dan Bailey 21-yard field goal, 04:07
;Fourth quarter
* WAS – Colt McCoy 7-yard run, Kai Forbath kick, 13:44
* DAL – Jason Witten 25-yard pass from Brandon Weeden, 09:36
;Overtime
* WAS – Kai Forbath 40-yard field goal, 09:48

First the Skipper, then the rest of the castaways develop an allergy to Gilligan.
The Howells are planning a cotillion, but Mr. Howell accidentally loses the Skipper's invitation.

Wanda feels left out when Bernie has a new female friend, Lynette . Meanwhile, The kids scramble for items that Bernie had hidden from them.
Two boys are trying to take Vanessa to a senior prom, and while out on a date, Bernie and Wanda spy on them.

After each of the other men nominate a different woman as the fairest on the island, Gilligan suggests a beauty contest to decide Miss Castaway. With the other three men each backing a different woman, Gilligan finds himself in the uncomfortable position of judge. The men attempt to sabotage the other women's chances by pouring glue on the stage, blowing sneezing powder towards the contestants, and spitting spit balls. Gilligan chooses an island ape as Miss Castaway, as she is the only truly qualifying island native.

Wanda and Bernie need time alone and Bryana doesn't remember her mother.
Bernie and Wanda go to a fertility specialist. The kids are worried that a new addition to the family will leave them out in the cold.

Race 13 of 30 in the 1974 NASCAR Winston Cup Series season

The kids attempt to hide Buddy the dog from Bernie, but the dog destroys some of the family's stuff and fed-up Bernie takes him somewhere else. The kids find out that Bernie took Buddy away and they seek revenge on him.

Gilligan and the Skipper hear on the radio that Mary Ann's boyfriend is getting married. Wondering how to break the news to her, the two go to the Professor and Mr. Howell. Gilligan, Skipper, and the Professor attempt to woo her, but Mary Ann believes they are trying to tell her she has eaten poisonous mushrooms!
A meteor crashes into the island making everything near it age very rapidly, including people.

;Top passers
* NO – Drew Brees, 32/44, 340 Yds, 2 TD, 1 INT, 46 Lng
* DAL – Tony Romo, 22/29, 262 Yds, 3 TD, 0 INT, 24 Lng
;Top rushers
* NO – Khiry Robinson, 8 Car, 87 Yds, 0 TD, 62 Lng
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 24 Car, 149 Yds, 2 TD, 28 Lng
* DAL – Tony Romo, 6 Car, 20 Yds, 0 TD, 21 Lng
;Top receivers
* NO – Jimmy Graham 8 Rec, 86 Yds, 1 TD, 17 Lng
* NO – Travaris Cadet 6 Rec, 59 Yds, 0 TD, 31 Lng
* DAL – Terrance Williams 6 Rec, 77 Yds, 2 TD, 23 Lng
* DAL – Dez Bryant 3 Rec, 44 Yds, 1 TD, 18 Lng
;Top tacklers
* NO –
* DAL –

Bernie wishes that Wanda would stop being the "fun auntie" and join his side.
Bryana accidentally sneaks into an R-rated movie and starts having nightmares.
Teleplay for Part 2: Steve Tompkins & Teri Schaffer

;First quarter
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 1 Yard Rush , 12:51
* DAL – Dez Bryant 4 yard pass from Tony Romo , 3:08
;Second quarter
* DAL – Dez Bryant 26 yard pass from Tony Romo , 12:01
* PHI – Chris Polk 5 Yard Rush , 8:36
* PHI – Cody Parkey 47 yard field goal, 1:53
;Third quarter
* PHI – Chris Polk 1 Yard Rush , 8:51
* PHI – Darren Sproles 1 Yard Rush , 5:47
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 2 Yard Rush , 0:50
;Fourth quarter
* DAL – Dez Bryant 25 yard pass from Tony Romo , 12:55
* PHI – Cody Parkey 43 yard field goal, 10:50
* DAL – Dan Bailey 49 yard field goal, 4:42

Gilligan catches a WWII mine while fishing. Now they must get rid of it before it destroys them all.

The family goes to a church retreat and at the end, everyone comes home angered.

*Jo Rooney
*Andy Ryan
*David Taylor
*David Maher

Lucarelli, the supporter who became a Livorno player and icon, even had his mobile phone ring to the tune of The Red Flag.

;First quarter
* DAL - Dan Bailey 54-yard FG, 12:09
* JAX - Denard Robinson 32-yard TD run, , 7:36
* DAL - Jason Witten 2 yard pass from Tony Romo , 2:38
;Second quarter
* DAL -Dez Bryant 35 yard pass from Tony Romo , 7:13
* DAL -Dez Bryant 68 yard pass from Tony Romo , 2:38
;Third quarter
* DAL - Joseph Randle 40 yard rush , 7:44
;Fourth quarter
* JAX - Holding against the Dallas punt team inside the end zone for a safety, 8:07
* JAX - Denard Robinson 1 yard rush , 1:58

Bernie and Wanda are about tired of telling the kids to stop doing things they are not supposed to do, so Bernie teaches Wanda how to use Big Mama's belt.

Week Four: New Orleans Saints at Dallas Cowboys – Game summary
Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden and Lisa Salters

Bryana starts crying overnight after leaving her doll at the beach. After Bernie goes back to get it, he tells Jordan to get rid of it. Guest appearance by Ice Cube.

A cage carrying a lion washes off a ship and onto the island. Gilligan befriends it by pulling a thorn from its paw. The castaways then decide to stage a circus. Note: During filming of this episode, the lion tried to attack Bob Denver. The lion's trainer asked the cast to keep this a secret from his employer, fearing he would be fired.

Wanda says she's about to be pregnant and Bernie springs into action, and the kids seem concerned.
Jordan enters a spelling contest, but he drops out and tries to be a comedian like Bernie. Bernie then gives him tips, but they backfire on himself. Vanessa makes a school project video called My Life With Bigfoot.

Gilligan wins the lottery, joins the Howells' club, and then loses the ticket.

Jordan enters show business, and Bernie tells him that it's kinda cruel. Guest appearances by Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, Steven Gilborn and Phil LaMarr.

Al Michaels, Cris Collinsworth and Michele Tafoya

;First quarter
* DAL – Gavin Escobar 15 yard pass from Tony Romo , 5:13
;Second quarter
* NYG – Odell Beckham Jr. 9 yard pass from Eli Manning , 11:31
* NYG – Daniel Fells 27 yard pass from Eli Manning , 8:00
* DAL – Terrance Williams 18 yard pass from Tony Romo , 2:27
;Third quarter
* DAL – Gavin Escobar 26 yard pass from Tony Romo , 6:22
;Fourth quarter
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 1 yard rush , 9:17
* NYG – Odell Beckham Jr. 9 yard pass from Eli Manning , 5:34
* DAL – Dan Bailey 49 yard field goal, 1:04

;First quarter
* SF – Chris Culliver 35-yard DeMarco Murray fumble return, Phil Dawson kick, 14:17
* DAL – Dan Bailey 29-yard field goal, 07:31
* SF – Vernon Davis 29-yard pass from Colin Kaepernick, Phil Dawson kick, 06:03
* SF – Vernon Davis 2-yard pass from Colin Kaepernick, Phil Dawson kick, 04:31
;Second quarter
* SF – Carlos Hyde 4-yard run, Phil Dawson kick, 00:43
;Third quarter
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 2-yard run, Dan Bailey kick, 00:33
;Fourth quarter
* DAL – Terrance Williams 2-yard pass from Tony Romo, Dan Bailey kick, 01:55

;Top passers
* DAL – Tony Romo, 18/26, 279 Yds, 4 TD, 0 INT, 45 Lng
* NYG – Eli Manning, 29/40, 338 Yds, 3 TD, 1 INT, 43 Lng
;Top rushers
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 24 Car, 121 Yds, 0 TD, 18 Lng
* NYG – Rashad Jennings, 19 Car, 52 Yds, 0 TD, 12 Lng
;Top receivers
* DAL – Dez Bryant 7 Rec, 86 Yds, 2 TD, 31 Lng
* DAL – Jason Witten 4 Rec, 30 Yds, 1 TD, 15 Lng
* DAL – Cole Beasley 2 Rec, 66 Yds, 1 TD, 45 Lng
* NYG – Odell Beckham Jr. 10 Rec, 146 Yds, 2 TD, 43 Lng
* NYG – Rashad Jennings, 8 Rec, 68 Yds, 2 TD, 27 Lng
* NYG – Rueben Randle, 3 Rec, 36 Yds, 0 TD, 21 Lng
;Top tacklers
* DAL –
* NYG –

The air conditioning breaks down, and the kids are driving Bernie nuts.

A ghost is terrorizing the castaways, so the castaways decide to terrorize the ghost. Richard Kiel guest-stars as the "Ghost"

* Mike Hopkins, 19th yr.
* Gerry McNamara, 6th yr.
* Adrian Autry, 4th yr.

Wanda is forcing Bernie and her dad to get along with each other.

The funeral cortege passing the Wellington Arch on Hyde Park Corner

;Top passers
* DET – Matthew Stafford – 28/42, 323 yards, TD, INT
* DAL – Tony Romo – 19/31, 293 yards, 2 TD
;Top rushers
* DET – Joique Bell – 12 rushes, 43 yards
* DAL – DeMarco Murray – 19 rushes, 75 yards, TD
;Top receivers
* DET – Golden Tate – 6 rec, 89 yards, TD
* DAL – Terrance Williams – 3 rec, 92 yards, 2 TD
;Top tacklers
* DET – James Ihedigbo - 7 tackles, 2 assists
* DAL – J. J. Wilcox - 7 tackles

Wanda's parents visit the Macs and Wanda forces Bernie and her father to get along with each other.

*Strength and Conditioning – Mike Woicik
*Assistant Strength and Conditioning – Brett Bech
*Assistant Strength and Conditioning – Kendall Smith

;First quarter
*DET – Golden Tate 51-yard pass from Matthew Stafford , 11:22. Lions 7–0. Drive: 4 plays, 62 yards, 2:04.
*DET – Reggie Bush 18-yard run , 1:57. Lions 14–0. Drive: 14 plays, 99 yards, 7:10.
;Second quarter
*DAL – Terrance Williams 76-yard pass from Tony Romo , 1:37. Lions 14–7. Drive: 3 plays, 74 yards, 0:38.
*DET – Matt Prater 39-yard field goal, 0:03. Lions 17–7. Drive: 10 plays, 59 yards, 1:34.
;Third quarter
*DET – Matt Prater 37-yard field goal, 8:41. Lions 20–7. Drive: 8 plays, 50 yards, 4:03.
*DAL – DeMarco Murray 1-yard run , 2:54. Lions 20–14. Drive: 10 plays, 80 yards, 5:47.
;Fourth quarter
*DAL – Dan Bailey 51-yard field goal, 12:16. Lions 20–17. Drive: 7 plays, 36 yards, 4:00.
*DAL – Terrance Williams 8-yard pass from Tony Romo , 2:32. Cowboys 24–20. Drive: 11 plays, 59 yards, 5:38.

Bernie's sister goes into rehab, and rather than let her three children go into foster care, Bernie takes them in. Unfortunately, he quickly loses patience with them.

Ta Hwa University of Science and Technology

*Paul "Bear" Bryant Award
*Big Ten Coach of the Year
*Maxwell Coach of the Year
*AT&T-ESPN Coach of the Year
*AFC champion

* 3× NPB All-Star
* 2× Best Nine Award
* 2× PL Win title
* PL MVP
* 2008 Eiji Sawamura Award
* 2008 PL ERA title
;MLB
* All-Star

;First quarter
* SEA – Steven Hauschka 33 yard field goal, 10:10
* SEA – Mike Morgan 25 yard blocked punt return , 7:19
* DAL – Gavin Escobar 2 yard pass from Tony Romo , 2:38
;Second quarter
* DAL – Dan Bailey 42 yard field goal, 5:20
* DAL – Jason Witten 3 yard pass from Tony Romo , 0:24
;Third quarter
* SEA – Russell Wilson 9 yard rush , 6:20
* SEA – Steven Hauschka 33 yard field goal, 3:25
* DAL – Dan Bailey 56 yard field goal, 1:08
;Fourth quarter
* SEA – Steven Hauschka 48 yard field goal, 8:21
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 15 yard rush , 3:23
* DAL – Dan Bailey 31 yard field goal, 1:12

Bernie is hoping for some peace and quiet as he prepares for a performance that night, but he must deal with the kids when Wanda's business meeting runs long.
Bernie's doctor warns him that he has high cholesterol and Wanda tries to get him to change his diet, but he'd rather take advice from Don Rickles.

Who killed Randolph Blake? According to a newspaper that washed ashore, one of the castaways did it the night before the fateful 3-hour tour. So they recreate the crime in order to find out who among them is the murderer. Al Schottelkotte has a unseen cameo as himself as the radio announcer

Bernie hires a maid named Lydia who cleans up the place until the kids get to her.
Wanda decides to enroll the kids in an organization that teaches social skills to young people, with Vanessa instantly making new friends.

Two Russian Cosmonauts land on the island. The castaways hope it will lead to a rescue. For once Gilligan does something right when he switches water for vodka, but in the end he still messes things up as usual.

The family goes on a vacation and Bernie sneaks to Las Vegas to play poker with his pals.

*Head Coach – Jason Garrett
*Assistant Head Coach/Defense – Monte Kiffin
*Senior Coaching Consultant/Offensive Consultant – Jimmy Robinson

*Defensive Coordinator/Defensive Line – Rod Marinelli
*Linebackers – Matt Eberflus
*Secondary – Jerome Henderson
*Assistant Secondary – Joe Baker
*Defensive Assistant/Defensive Line – Leon Lett
*Defensive Quality Control/Linebackers – Ben Bloom
*Defensive Assistant – Turner West

Professional association for ten-pin bowling, governing body is USBC

;First quarter
* DAL – Terrance Williams 6 yard pass from Tony Romo , 7:57
;Second quarter
* DAL – Dan Bailey 51 yard field goal, 5:43
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 15 yard rush , 4:09
* DAL – Terrance Williams 23 yard pass from Tony Romo , 0:24
;Third quarter
* NO – Shayne Graham 30 yard field goal, 11:14
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 28 yard rush , 6:53
;Fourth quarter
* NO – Josh Hill 12 yard pass from Drew Brees , 13:43
* NO – Jimmy Graham 13 yard pass from Drew Brees , 9:56
* DAL – Dez Bryant 18 yard pass from Tony Romo , 3:40

A bird, Ryouta, flirting with the player in the original version and the 2014 remake . The in-game date is shown in the top left, and the arrow button in the top right allows the player to skip dialogue.

A native family arrives on the island looking for a husband for their ample daughter. They choose Gilligan, but soon a native suitor shows up to challenge Gilligan to a duel. Jim Backus's real-life wife has a cameo as the wife of the chief. Jim Backus impersonates entertainer Ted Lewis in this episode.

;Top passers
* DAL – Tony Romo, 21/32, 250 Yds, 2 TD, 0 INT, 47 Lng
* SEA – Russell Wilson, 14/28, 126 Yds, 0 TD, 1 INT, 53 Lng
;Top rushers
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 29 Car, 115 Yds, 1 TD, 25 Lng
* SEA – Marshawn Lynch, 10 Car, 61 Yds, 0 TD, 32 Lng
;Top receivers
* DAL – Dez Bryant 4 Rec, 63 Yds, 0 TD, 23 Lng
* DAL – Terrance Williams 2 Rec, 70 Yds, 0 TD, 47 Lng
* DAL – Jason Witten 2 Rec, 24 Yds, 1 TD, 21 Lng
* SEA – Jermaine Kearse 3 Rec, 62 Yds, 0 TD, 53 Lng
* SEA – Doug Baldwin 2 Rec, 32 Yds, 0 TD, 20 Lng
* SEA – Luke Willson 2 Rec, 11 Yds, 0 TD, 10 Lng
;Top tacklers
* DAL –
* SEA –

Week Nine: Arizona Cardinals at Dallas Cowboys – Game summary

Bernie is concerned that the kids are exposed to mature subjects.
Bernie finally realizes that the kids aren't just houseguests. He proposes that they earn allowances by doing chores. Later, Bernie would have to punish Jordan for stealing his money just to buy a telescope, which he found at the store earlier. Infuriated at Bernie, Jordan runs away from home, which sends the family on a wild goose chase.
Bernie decides that 8-year-old Bryana is too old to be riding her bike with training wheels. She crashes, and a guilty Bernie volunteers to take her class to the museum. Jordan steals an old cast from the hospital and wears it at school to get out of gym class.

Temperatures reaching up to ; wind speeds up to

Bryana's favorite character, Droobie, appears in a movie with Bernie as the enemy, and the next thing is, Bryana sees that Bernie is "killing" Droobie and she calls him a "Droobie Killer". David Faustino guest stars as Droobie.
Bernie lets his friend Kelly stay at the house after his girlfriend, Daphne, broke up with him.
Bernie's sister announces that she and her fiance, Monroe are eloping to Las Vegas. Wanda offers to have the wedding at the Mac house.

*Special Teams Coordinator – Rich Bisaccia
*Assistant Special Teams/Kickers – Keith O'Quinn

Week Twelve: Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants – Game summary

The flu is going around, and the kids all have it after Bryana's birthday party. Despite his best efforts to avoid it, Bernie gets it too and has to spend the day with Bryana.
Bernie hosts a family reunion and a family member makes Jordan a "cool cat". Another member woos Vanessa, and another one keeps trying to take Bernie's stuff. Guest appearances by Omarion, Glynn Turman, Anna Maria Horsford, Brain Posehn and Tommy Davidson.

Week Seven: New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys – Game summary

* Osaka Kintetsu Buffaloes
* Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles
* Seattle Mariners

;Top passers
* DAL – Tony Romo, 22/34, 299 Yds, 2 TD, 1 INT, 65 Lng
* WAS – Robert Griffin, 27/41, 336 Yds, 1 TD, 2 INT, 69 Lng
;Top rushers
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 20 Car, 100 Yds, 1 TD, 32 Lng
* DAL – Joseph Randle, 4 Car, 69 Yds, 1 TD, 65 Lng
* WAS – Alfred Morris, 12 Car, 43 Yds, 0 TD, 22 Lng
* WAS – Roy Helu, 6 Car, 42 Yds, 0 TD, 15 Lng
;Top receivers
* DAL – Dez Bryant, 4 Rec, 99 Yds, 2 TD, 64 Lng
* DAL – Terrance Williams, 3 Rec, 68 Yds, 0 TD, 51 Lng
* DAL – Cole Beasley, 6 Rec, 57 Yds, 0 TD, 19 Lng
* WAS – Jordan Reed, 9 Rec, 70 Yds, 0 TD, 16 Lng
* WAS – DeSean Jackson, 2 Rec, 86 Yds, 1 TD, 69 Lng
* WAS – Pierre Garcon, 2 Rec, 53 Yds, 0 TD, 47 Lng
;Top tacklers
* DAL –
* WAS –

Jordan joins the wrestling team and Bernie seeks advice from wrestling champion "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Meanwhile, Vanessa is put on laundry duty as punishment for taking her Aunt Wanda's clothes.

Gilligan discovers a sunken ship in the lagoon. The ship is only half there, but the cargo is intact: two crates of movie production equipment and costumes from Exit South Seas Film Productions and Castaways Pictures. The group uses the equipment to make a movie about themselves and their predicament in hopes that it will spark a rescue. Instead, the film wins a Cannes Film Festival Award.

Bernie hires a personal assistant. WWE World Heavyweight Champion Triple H becomes the victim of Jordan's prank phone calls.

;Top passers
* DAL –Tony Romo, 21/26, 205 Yds, 3 TD, 0 INT, 43 Lng
* CHI –Jay Cutler, 32/46, 341 Yds, 2 TD, 1 INT, 42 Lng
;Top rushers
* DAL –DeMarco Murray, 32 Car, 179 Yds, 1 TD, 40 Lng
* CHI –Matt Forte, 13 Car, 26 Yds, 1 TD, 7 Lng
;Top receivers
* DAL –Dez Bryant 6 Rec, 82 Yds, 0 TD, 43 Lng
* DAL –Cole Beasley 3 Rec, 42 Yds, 2 TD, 24 Lng
* DAL –DeMarco Murray 9 Rec, 49 Yds, 0 TD, 11 Lng
* CHI –Martellus Bennett 12 Rec, 84 Yds, 1 TD, 16 Lng
* CHI –Alshon Jeffery 6 Rec, 95 Yds, 1 TD, 27 Lng
* CHI –Matt Forte 8 Rec, 74 Yds, 0 TD, 21 Lng
;Top tacklers
* DAL –
* CHI –

Week Ten: Dallas Cowboys at Jacksonville Jaguars – Game summary

Bernie Taupin on writing the lyrics for "Candle in the Wind 1997"

Bryana's birthday party results in a lawsuit after she bounces high in the moon house and accidentally sending the girl flying. When Bernie hears about this, he tries to find a way to prevent the lawsuit from happening.

*Passing Game Coordinator – Scott Linehan
*Offensive Line/Running Game Coordinator – Bill Callahan
*Quarterbacks – Wade Wilson
*Running Backs – Gary Brown
*Wide Receivers – Derek Dooley
*Assistant Wide Receivers – Kyle Valero
*Tight Ends – Mike Pope
*Assistant Offensive Line – Frank Pollack
*Offensive Assistant – Kevin Carberry

The kids hope to see their mother when the family heads to Chicago for a funeral. Don Cheadle guest stars as Bernie's Cousin D.
Jordan wows the girl of his dreams with magic. Wanda gets upset when she finds that Bernie hasn't thrown away love letters from old girlfriends.

Race 12 of 30 in the 1984 NASCAR Winston Cup Series season

Bernie wants to encourage Vanessa's burgeoning musical talent. Guest appearance by Isaac Hayes.

Mad scientist Dr. Boris Badenov "rescues" the castaways. But in reality he kidnaps them to his own nearby island for mind transfer experiments.

Bernie and Wanda are not satisfied with Bryana's test scores, and decide to enroll her at Jordan's school. Jordan is depressed because the kids at school think he's a nerd.

Temperatures reaching around ; wind coming at speeds up to

Bryan fills in for Wanda while she's on a business trip.
Bryana's biological father, Bryan shows up and disrupts the little girl's routine.

incorrectly labeled as "Voodoo Child / Stepping Stone"

A robot lands on the island, and the castaways must figure out how to use him to get rescued. Watch out for Gilligan's lucky rabbit's foot, which will magically reappear in episode 3.05.

Japanese CD-ROM cover of the Hurtful Complete Edition

Bernie tells Jordan that his dad was in the war, and Vanessa finds out that Bernie lied.

British Royal Family, Prime Minister Tony Blair, Lady Sarah McCorquodale, Lady Jane Fellowes, Charles Spencer, 9th Earl Spencer, Elton John

Bernie drives Jordan to school and forces him to befriend a boy he sees.

;First quarter
* Rams – Lance Kendricks 1 yard pass from Austin Davis, , 6:15
;Second quarter
* Rams – Brian Quick 51 yard pass from Austin Davis, , 15:00
* Rams – Janoris Jenkins 25 yard interception return , 6:13
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 1 yard rush , 2:10
* DAL – Dan Bailey 29 yard field goal, 0:05
;Third quarter
* DAL – Dez Bryant 68 yard pass from Tony Romo , 12:58
* DAL – Dan Bailey 40 yard field goal, 2:49
;Fourth quarter
* Rams – Greg Zuerlein 28 yard field goal, 13:31
* DAL – Terrance Williams 12 yard pass from Tony Romo, , 6:21
* DAL – Bruce Carter 25 yard interception return , 6:06
* Rams – Austin Pettis 4 yard pass from Austin Davis, , 2:41

A Mars Lander accidentally crashes on the island instead of landing on Mars. However the camera doesn't work until -thanks to Gilligan-the castaways are covered in glue and feathers. The castaways are then mistaken for chicken people on Mars. As punishment for messing up another rescue, Gilligan becomes a human cuckoo clock bird!

Week Thirteen: Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys – Game summary

Bernie's sister Benita 's visit turns the household upside-down.
Jordan gets a pet for his science project, which makes Bryana want her own pet. Meanwhile, Jordan nastily feeds Bryana's pet mice to his pet snake, causing Bryana to get revenge on him.
Bernie feels old and won't stand for it.

;First quarter
* NYG – Odell Beckham Jr. 3 yard pass from Eli Manning , 7:06
* DAL – Dan Bailey 38 yard field goal, 2:50
;Second quarter
* NYG – Odell Beckham Jr. 43 yard pass from Eli Manning , 15:00
* DAL – Jason Witten 4 yard pass from Tony Romo , 9:22
* NYG – Andre Williams 3 yard rush , 3:22
;Third quarter
* DAL – Cole Beasley 45 yard pass from Tony Romo , 6:48
* DAL – Dez Bryant 31 yard pass from Tony Romo , 1:19
;Fourth quarter
* NYG – Adrien Robinson 1 yard pass from Eli Manning , 3:06
* DAL – Dez Bryant 31 yard pass from Tony Romo , 1:19

Will the Real Mr. Howell Please Stand Up?

;First quarter
* PHI – Mark Sanchez 2 yard rush , 12:00
* PHI – Jordan Matthews 27 yard pass from Mark Sanchez , 4:17
;Second quarter
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 1 yard rush , 15:00
* PHI – Cody Parkey 31 yard field goal, 12:14
* PHI – Cody Parkey 22 yard field goal, 1:39
* PHI – Cody Parkey 26 yard field goal, 0:24
;Third quarter
* DAL – Dan Bailey 28 yard field goal, 9:16
* PHI – LeSean McCoy 38 yard rush , 7:29
;Fourth quarter
* PHI – Cody Parkey 26 yard field goal, 11:05

Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Erin Andrews and Chris Myers

Bernie has an accident while riding an motorcycle, Jordan gets busted selling girl magazines at school.

Monte Kiffin to Jim L. Mora in 2009 about Bradley, after Mora was hired as Seahawks headcoach.

The radio announces that the minister who married the Howells was a phony, so they aren't really married. When they attempt to get remarried by the Skipper in a ceremony "at sea" in the middle of the lagoon, havoc ensues and they break up instead. So Mr. Howell takes Ginger on a date, while Miss Wentworth dates the Professor; each in an effort to make the other jealous.

A possum breaks out in the house scaring Bernie.
Marc Abrams, Michael Benson & Jeffrey Bushell

Week Fourteen: Dallas Cowboys at Chicago Bears – Game summary

When El Presidente Pancho Hernando Gonzales Enrico Rodriguez of Ecuarico is exiled on the island, he foments a revolution and convinces Gilligan to become his puppet leader. This episode is in effect a satire of the military politics of many Latin American countries during the 1960s. Nehemiah Persoff guest stars.

;First quarter
* DAL – Dan Bailey 21-yard field goal, 10:19
* WAS – DeSean Jackson 69-yard pass from Robert Griffin , 8:55
* DAL – Dez Bryant 65 yard pass from Tony Romo , 6:37
* DAL – Dez Bryant 23 yard pass from Tony Romo , 2:47
;Second quarter
* DAL – Dan Bailey 32-yard field goal, 11:35
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 9 yard rush , 8:17
* WAS – Kai Forbath 25 yard field goal, 1:25
;Third quarter
No Scoring
;Fourth quarter
* WAS – Robert Griffin 2 yard rush , 6:52
* DAL – Dan Bailey 23-yard field goal, 3:36
* DAL – Anthony Spencer 5 yard fumble return , 3:18
* DAL – Joseph Randle 65 yard rush , 1:49

Peter B. Aronson and Marc Abrams & Michael Benson

*Owner/President/General Manager – Jerry Jones
*COO/Executive Vice President/Director of Player Personnel – Stephen Jones
*Assistant Director of Player Personnel – Tom Ciskowski
*Director of Football Administration – Todd Williams
*Assistant Director of Pro Scouting – Judd Garrett

;Top passers
* NYG – Eli Manning, 21/33, 248 Yds, 3 TD, 0 INT, 27 Lng
* DAL – Tony Romo, 17/23, 279 Yds, 3 TD, 1 INT, 44 Lng
;Top rushers
* NYG – Andre Williams, 18 Car, 51 Yds, 0 TD, 22 Lng
* NYG – Peyton Hillis, 6 Car, 29 Yds, 0 TD, 10 Lng
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 28 Car, 128 Yds, 1 TD, 21 Lng
* DAL – Lance Dunbar, 3 Car, 16 Yds, 0 TD, 13 Lng
;Top receivers
* NYG – Larry Donnell 7 Rec, 90 Yds, 0 TD, 21 Lng
* NYG – Rueben Randle 6 Rec, 74 Yds, 0 TD, 17 Lng
* NYG – Odell Beckham Jr. 4 Rec, 34 Yds, 2 TD, 11 Lng
* DAL – Dez Bryant 9 Rec, 151 Yds, 0 TD, 44 Lng
* DAL – Gavin Escobar 3 Rec, 65 Yds, 2 TD, 26 Lng
* DAL – Terrance Williams 1 Rec, 18 Yds, 1 TD, 18 Lng
;Top tacklers
* NYG –
* DAL –

;First quarter
* No Score
;Second quarter
* DAL – Dan Bailey 33 yard field goal, 0:16
;Third quarter
* HOU – Arian Foster 15 yard rush , 8:56
* DAL – Terrance Williams 43 yard pass from Tony Romo , 6:18
;Fourth quarter
* DAL – Dez Bryant 2 yard pass from Tony Romo , 9:50
* HOU – Randy Bullock 29 yard field goal, 2:31
* HOU – Arian Foster 15 yard rush , 0:45
;Overtime
* DAL – Dan Bailey 49 yard field goal, 8:37

Week Fifteen: Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles – Game summary

;Top passers
* DAL –
* GB –
;Top rushers
* DAL –
* GB –
;Top receivers
* DAL –
* GB –
;Top tacklers
* DAL –
* GB –

Bernie feels that Jordan is ready to walk home from school by himself, but his walk home days are over after Jordan and his friends pick on a crabby neighbor. Vanessa has a wardrobe malfunction while swimming.

Week Seventeen: Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins – Game summary
Week Eight: Washington Redskins at Dallas Cowboys – Game summary

Vanessa wants to wear makeup, Jordan sneaks to a paintball game, and Bryana wants a new doll.
Vanessa's teacher urges her to become a vegetarian, but Bernie's not sure on this. Guest appearances by Don Franklin and Tembi Locke.

Confidence, creativity, leadership and learning

Bernie gets in trouble with the family after joking about them on a radio show.

Mr. Howell has a double back home spending his money. When the gent goes on a cruise, guess where he lands? The real Mr. Howell twice attempts to swim the Pacific to stop the impostor. Jim Buckus played both Mr Howell and the imposter

*Brown
*Brown
*Georgia Tech
*Georgia Tech
*Georgia Tech
*Maryland
*Duke
*New England Patriots
*New England Patriots
*New England Patriots
*New England Patriots
*Penn State
*Houston Texans

Apostolic Nuncio to Venezuela Titular Archbishop of Aquipendium

Week Two: Dallas Cowboys at Tennessee Titans – Game summary

The Professor mistakenly believes that the island is sinking when Gilligan uses the Professor's high water measuring stick to mark the lobster traps.

Bryana acts like a 2-year-old to get the attention, but the next thing is, she's the monster of the household. Guest appearances by Simbi Khali, Alexis Fields and Chelsea Handler.

Gilligan's mouth becomes a radio when a filling in a tooth is knocked loose. Just in time too, as the regular radio is broken and a monster typhoon is on its way.

Bernie offends Wanda's boss at dinner. Jordan accidentally breaks one of Bernie's mask.
Bernie helps Vanessa win an election, but he is having a difficult time with Jordan's project. Guest appearance by India.Arie.
Bernie sneaks into Vanessa's journal and he finds out that she once smoked, which makes him buy security cameras to watch what the family's doing, but Bernie gets more than what he bargained for. Guest appearance by Snoop Dogg.
Bernie and Wanda are challenged by Matt Damon and his wife to a game of golf. Guest appearance by Lucy Lawless.

Someone is shelling the castaways with hand grenades. It turns out that a gorilla has found a stash of WWII weapons in a cave.

Bernie and another neighbor host their kids' birthday parties on the same day. Everybody has fun until Jordan's balloon launches—with Jordan in it.
Bernie isn't comfortable with the title "stay-at-home dad."

Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston and Tony Siragusa

;Top passers
* PHI – Mark Sanchez, 20/29, 217 Yds, 1 TD, 0 INT, 58 Lng
* DAL – Tony Romo, 18/29, 199 Yds, 0 TD, 2 INT, 38 Lng
;Top rushers
* PHI – LeSean McCoy, 25 Car, 159 Yds, 1 TD, 38 Lng
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 20 Car, 73 Yds, 1 TD, 9 Lng
;Top receivers
* PHI – Jeremy Maclin 8 Rec, 108 Yds, 0 TD, 58 Lng
* DAL – Dez Bryant 4 Rec, 73 Yds, 0 TD, 38 Lng
;Top tacklers
* PHI –
* DAL –

Gilligan finds a thermal vent and soon everyone has piping hot water. But the Professor isn't so excited because this means there is an active volcano on the island.
In a parody of The Beatles and Beatlemania, the music sensation "The Mosquitoes" land on the island for much needed peace and quiet. What they get instead are the girls having formed a group of their own, "The Honeybees".

A social worker visits after Bryana uses the word "nigga" at school, having heard Uncle Bernie use it at home. Not long before the end of this episode, Bryana calls one of her friends a "pain in the ass".

*Titan T-51 Mustang
*W.A.R. P-51 Mustang
*Jurca Gnatsum
*Loehle 5151 Mustang

After the house is robbed, Bernie becomes very security-conscious and he makes the kids do things together like a family.
Jordan watches an R-rated movie while Wanda and Bernie go out for a night on the town, and the next thing is, he thinks zombies might attack the house.

;First quarter
* DAL –Tyler Patmon 58 yard interception return , 11:07
* DAL –Dan Bailey 52 yard field goal, 4:08
;Second quarter
* ARI –John Carlson 7 yard pass from Carson Palmer , 12:39
* ARI –Jaron Brown 11 yard pass from Carson Palmer , 4:39
;Third quarter
No Score
;Fourth quarter
* ARI –Andre Ellington 1 yard pass from Carson Palmer , 6:05
* ARI –Marion Grice 1 yard rush , 4:23
* DAL – Dez Bryant 3 yard pass from Brandon Weeden, 1:13

Bernie talks to Bryana's teacher and wants her to be "Helper of the Week", Wanda is about tired of Jordan and Vanessa fighting, so she uses one of Bernie's "gator" belts to settle the fight.
Bernie talks to Jordan about girls. Guest appearance by Hugh Hefner.
Bernie overtrains for a local marathon, luckily, Vanessa fills in for him. Later in the race, Bernie provokes Vanessa by calling her to see how she's doing. Guest appearances by Adam Carolla and Charles Barkley.

Thom Brennaman, Troy Aikman and Charissa Thompson

A storm washes an international underwater telephone cable onto the shore of the lagoon. So naturally they try to call for help.

Stefánsson with Lottomatica Roma in October 2007.

;Top passers
* IND – Andrew Luck, 15/22, 109 Yds, 0 TD, 2 INT, 22 Lng
* IND – Matt Hasselbeck, 15/21, 126 Yds, 1 TD, 0 INT, 21 Lng
* DAL –Tony Romo, 18/20, 218 Yds, 4 TD, 0 INT, 25 Lng
* DAL –Brandon Weeden, 1/1, 43 Yds, 1 TD, 0 INT, 43 Lng
;Top rushers
* IND – Dan Herron, 7 Car, 3 Yds, 0 TD, 4 Lng
* IND – Trent Richardson, 2 Car, 1 Yds, 0 TD, 3 Lng
* IND – Zurlon Tipton, 1 Car, -3 Yds, 0 TD, -3 Lng
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 22 Car, 58 Yds, 1 TD, 11 Lng
* DAL – Joseph Randle, 13 Car, 27 Yds, 0 TD, 12 Lng
* DAL – Tony Romo, 3 Car, 28 Yds, 0 TD, 13 Lng
;Top receivers
* IND – Hakeem Nicks 9 Rec, 72 Yds, 0 TD, 21 Lng
* IND – Dan Herron 3 Rec, 37 Yds, 0 TD, 22 Lng
* DAL – Dez Bryant 5 Rec, 73 Yds, 1 TD, 24 Lng
* DAL – Terrance Williams 2 Rec, 52 Yds, 2 TD, 43 Lng
* DAL – Jason Witten 7 Rec, 90 Yds, 1 TD, 25 Lng
;Top tacklers
* IND –
* DAL –

;Top passers
* ARI – Carson Palmer, 22/34, 249 Yds, 3 TD, 1 INT, 31 Lng
* DAL – Brandon Weeden, 18/33, 183 Yds, 1 TD, 2 INT, 40 Lng
;Top rushers
* ARI – Andre Ellington, 21 Car, 95 Yds, 0 TD, 20 Lng
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 19 Car, 79 Yds, 0 TD, 17 Lng
;Top receivers
* ARI – Larry Fitzgerald, 5 Rec, 70 Yds, 0 TD, 31 Lng
* ARI – Andre Ellington, 4 Rec, 39 Yds, 1 TD, 20 Lng
* DAL – Jason Witten, 6 Rec, 62 Yds, 0 TD, 24 Lng
* DAL – Dez Bryant, 2 Rec, 15 Yds, 1 TD, 12 Lng
;Top tacklers
* ARI –
* DAL –

Princess Diana Funeral St James Park 1997.jpg

Bernie comes home from a week-long road trip and the only thing he wants to do is sleep, but things change when he gets invited to a Clippers/Bulls game and he and Wanda have dinner with another couple. Bernie wants to go see the game, but with Wanda in the way, he has Jordan fake an asthma attack so they could go see the game.
Happy Thanksgiving from Maison Mac! While Jordan is fooling around annoying his sisters, his Indian costume rips, Jordan accidentally turns the grill knob to turn to "LO". Bernie eats the turkey and is having three different nightmares. The first nightmare Bernie had was that he and Jordan were claymation foes, next was that a gigantic monster-looking Vanessa was on the wing of the plane because she wanted money from Bernie and he said no, and the last was that Bernie was glad that the kids said hello to them, but the next thing is, the kids turn into robots.
Bernie's backyard is a mess: Vanessa and her friends were doing gymnastics on his lawn; Bryana wrecked his picket fence with a stick; and Jordan was playing golf by whacking flowers with a club while saying "I am Tiger Woods!". These same kids are expecting Bernie to raise their allowances. Bernie eventually forces the kids to live in a tent and hires 3 men to help around his house.
Bernie gets mad at Jordan for drawing a picture of a juggling Jesus. Jordan and Bryana then try to protect the family from sin.
Jordan wants to be more popular in school, so Bernie teaches him to gamble, but the trick soon backfires. Wanda's birthday is coming up, and Bernie searches for a rare cognac-colored diamond.
Bernie escorts Vanessa to a dance and publicly embarrasses her; Wanda reads Jordan and Bryana a bedtime story called "The Ant and the Ladybug" and Jordan ruins the ending for Bryana, which makes her cry like crazy. But while watching Jordan and Bryana, a fire breaks out in the kitchen.

;First quarter
No Score
;Second quarter
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 1 yard rush , 10:53
* CHI – Martellus Bennett 12 yard pass from Jay Cutler , 6:18
* DAL – Cole Beasley 13 yard pass from Tony Romo , 0:13
;Third quarter
* DAL – Cole Beasley 24 yard pass from Tony Romo , 12:41
* DAL – Gavin Escobar 6 yard pass from Tony Romo , 8:08
* DAL – Joseph Randle 17 yard rush , 2:18
;Fourth quarter
* CHI – Alshon Jeffery 27 yard pass from Jay Cutler , 15:00
* DAL – Dan Bailey 35 yard field goal, 12:41
* CHI – Matt Forte 1 yard rush , 7:22
* CHI – Jay Cutler 10 yard rush , 6:16
* DAL – Dan Bailey 27 yard field goal, 3:44

;Top passers
* HOU – Ryan Fitzpatrick, 16/25, 154 Yds, 0 TD, 1 INT, 20 Lng
* DAL – Tony Romo, 28/41, 324 Yds, 2 TD, 1 INT, 43 Lng
;Top rushers
* HOU – Arian Foster, 23 Car, 157 Yds, 2 TD, 33 Lng
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 31 Car, 136 Yds, 0 TD, 17 Lng
;Top receivers
* HOU – DeAndre Hopkins, 6 Rec, 63 Yds, 0 TD, 19 Lng
* DAL – Dez Bryant 9 Rec, 85 Yds, 1 TD, 37 Lng
;Top tacklers
* HOU –
* DAL –

Bernie is constantly playing pranks on the family members, and the family gets payback on him. Guest appearances by Carl Reiner and Ashton Kutcher.

;Top passers
* WAS – Colt McCoy, 25/30, 299 Yds, 0 TD, 1 INT, 49 Lng
* DAL – Tony Romo, 17/28, 209 Yds, 1 TD, 0 INT, 34 Lng
* DAL – Brandon Weeden, 4/6, 69 Yds, 1 TD, 0 INT, 25 Lng
;Top rushers
* WAS – Alfred Morris, 18 Car, 73 Yds, 1 TD, 29 Lng
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 19 Car, 141 Yds, 0 TD, 51 Lng
;Top receivers
* WAS – DeSean Jackson,6 Rec, 136 Yds, 0 TD, 49 Lng
* WAS – Jordan Reed,7 Rec, 40 Yds, 0 TD, 16 Lng
* WAS – Pierre Garcon,4 Rec, 47 Yds, 0 TD, 23 Lng
* DAL – Jason Witten, 5 Rec, 70 Yds, 1 TD, 25 Lng
* DAL – Terrance Williams, 6 Rec, 69 Yds, 0 TD, 18 Lng
* DAL – Dez Bryant, 3 Rec, 30 Yds, 1 TD, 20 Lng
;Top tacklers
* WAS –
* DAL –

Bernie overspends his money at a local store named "Cost Depot" , but things start to get out of control after Bernie buys too many things which forces Wanda to buy a shed, and that makes the kids and him into gluttons for punishment.
Jordan wants to join the basketball team, but his coach suggests that he should take rhymitic classes. Guest appearance by Shaquille O'Neal. The episode's name is a reference to Survivor's song "Eye of the Tiger" which was played many times during the episode.

;First quarter
* DAL – Dan Bailey 48-yard field goal, 0:18
;Second quarter
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 3-yard run, Dan Bailey kick, 13:02
* DAL – Dan Bailey 44-yard field goal, 01:07
* DAL – Dan Bailey 52-yard field goal, 0:09
;Third quarter
* Tenn – Ryan Succop 47-yard field goal, 11:02
* Tenn - Delanie Walker 61 yard pass from Jake Locker, Ryan Succop kick, 7:56
* DAL – Dez Bryant 3 yard pass from Tony Romo, Dan Bailey kick, 2:13
;Fourth quarter
* DAL – Dan Bailey 48-yard field goal, 8:20

Bernie gets a lead role in a dramatic movie, Bryana and Jordan are dropped off at a daycare while Wanda goes to work, Vanessa's friend doesn't want to know that Vanessa is Bernie's always-getting-into-fights-with-him niece. Guest appearance by Angela Bassett.

;Top passers
* DAL – Tony Romo, 22/31, 265 Yds, 3 TD, 0 INT, 26 Lng
* PHI – Mark Sanchez, 17/28, 252 Yds, 0 TD, 2 INT, 72 Lng
;Top rushers
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 31 Car, 81 Yds, 2 TD, 21 Lng
* PHI – LeSean McCoy, 16 Car, 64 Yds, 0 TD, 14 Lng
;Top receivers
* DAL – Dez Bryant 6 Rec, 114 Yds, 3 TD, 26 Lng
* DAL – Jason Witten 7 Rec, 69 Yds, 0 TD, 21 Lng
* PHI – Jeremy Maclin 4 Rec, 98 Yds, 0 TD, 72 Lng
* PHI – Brent Celek 4 Rec, 52 Yds, 0 TD, 23 Lng
;Top tacklers
* DAL –
* PHI –

Feeling that his kids are below-average, Bernie puts them to constant study. Meanwhile, Bernie teaches Bryana how to speak Spanish after he saw her watching TV, Jordan is having trouble trying to play "Chopsticks" on the piano, and Vanessa flunks on her math homework.
Vanessa rents a car when Bernie said she can't have one.
Bernie gets a call from the catholic school due to Jordan and Bryana's bad behavior . Bernie then puts them on severe punishment. This eventually angered Wanda, who attempts to take the children off of punishment. Vanessa is the last one to be punished. . The trio eventually get locked in Bernie's basement. Guest appearance by Mablean Ephriam

"J.L., listen to me. I have got a guy here in Tampa that is one of, if not, the finest football coaches I have ever worked with. He's an A-plus. He's a once-in-a-lifetime coach. You need to talk to him."

After Wanda spends time with the kids, she starts thinking about having one of her own.
When the kids show more interest in receiving gifts than participating in holiday activities, Bernie declares that Christmas is canceled.
Vanessa decides to work extra shifts instead of studying for her SATs.

*Firass Dirani
*Gyton Grantley
*Rhys Muldoon
*Gary Sweet
*Anna McGahan
*Julia Morris
*Natalie Saleeba
*Tim Campbell
*Georgia Flood
*Lincoln Lewis
*Leah de Niese

Socialite Erika Tiffany-Smith arrives on the island, looking for a place to build a resort. But instead she falls in love with, and becomes engaged to, the Professor. Once she returns to civilization, however, Smith's logbook can't help the castaways - not only are the directions hopelessly vague, but it's written in Hungarian.

Teleplay for Part 1: Warren Hutcherson & Kriss Turner

Gilligan has found a bush that provides seeds that enable anyone who eats the seeds to read people's minds.

;First quarter
* DAL – Terrance Williams 9 yard pass from Tony Romo , 6:40
* DAL – Dez Bryant 19 yard pass from Tony Romo , 4:30
;Second quarter
* DAL – Cole Beasley 24 yard pass from Tony Romo , 14:19
* DAL – DeMarco Murray 1 yard rush , 6:38
;Third quarter
* DAL – Jason Witten 25 yard pass from Tony Romo , 4:48
;Fourth quarter
* DAL – Terrance Williams 43 yard pass from Brandon Weeden , 10:19
* IND – Zurlon Tipton 1 yard pass from Matt Hasselbeck , 5:29

Jordan dates a cheerleader which wows Bernie, but when the breakup happens, Bernie has something to say. Guest appearance by Jon Garland.

Week Six: Dallas Cowboys at Seattle Seahawks – Game summary

Bernie has the kids doing different activities; Wanda organizes Jordan's campout.
Jordan goes to his favorite barbershop; Wanda, Bryana, and Vanessa fix their smoke detector. Guest appearances by Charles Robinson, Craig Robinson and Reynaldo Rey.
Bernie and Jordan join a fantasy football league, But their frequent disagreements effect their relationship. Meanwhile, Brianna becomes addicted to wearing makeup, and she gets caught wearing makeup at school. Guest appearances by Dick Butkus and Pat Finn.

;Top passers
* DAL –Tony Romo, 18/23, 214 Yds, 2 TD, 1 INT, 68 Lng
* STL –Austin Davis, 30/42, 327 Yds, 3 TD, 2 INT, 52 Lng
;Top rushers
* DAL –DeMarco Murray, 24 Car, 100 Yds, 1 TD, 44 Lng
* STL –Zac Stacy, 12 Car, 67 Yds, 0 TD, 16 Lng
;Top receivers
* DAL –Dez Bryant, 6 Rec, 89 Yds, 1 TD, 68 Lng
* STL –Jared Cook, 7 Rec, 75 Yds, 0 TD, 18 Lng

*Geoff Bennett
*Shirley Barrett
*Catherine Millar
*Shawn Seet

Vanessa's old friend from Chicago visits.

;First quarter
;Second quarter
;Third quarter
;Fourth quarter

Bernie's birthday is here and the family does not notice and Bernie begins getting jealous about an old lady shocking him with a stun gun, seeing a kid celebrate his birthday at Jungle Garden and getting locked out. Guest appearances by George Clinton, Daniella Monet and Jill Talley.

Week Sixteen: Indianapolis Colts at Dallas Cowboys – Game summary
NFC Divisional Playoffs: Dallas Cowboys at Green Bay Packers – Game summary

Wanda's sister, Valerie comes for a visit and throws a roller party for her.
When Jordan develops a crush on a girl, Bernie teaches Jordan how to be a "player". Vanessa wants to attend a hip-hop concert.

I thought it was very important to project it from a nation's standpoint. I wanted to make it sound like a country singing it. From the first couple of lines I wrote [which began "Goodbye England's Rose"], the rest sort of fell into place

Marcus Chapman , Bernie's new neighbor, demands that Bernie destroy Jordan's new tree house. When Bernie does not agree, Marcus begins attacking the house with the flowers from his zen garden.
Bernie gives Vanessa driving lessons, but he goes overboard while teaching Vanessa. Out of nowhere, he gets his truck towed away and he also gets glasses.
Wanda quits her job, which interrupts Bernie's routine. Jordan's older friends are forcing him to have them meet Vanessa, but he doesn't want to. Guest appearance by Ellen DeGeneres.

;Top passers
* SF – Colin Kaepernick, 16/23, 201 Yds, 2 TD
* DAL – Tony Romo, 23/37, 281 Yds, 1 TD, 3 INT
;Top rushers
* SF – Frank Gore, 16 Car, 63 Yds
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 22 Car, 118 Yds, 1 TD
;Top receivers
* SF – Anquan Boldin, 8 Rec, 99 Yds
* DAL – Dwayne Harris, 1 Rec, 56 Yds
;Top tacklers
* SF – Antoine Bethea, 6 Solo
* DAL – Justin Durant, 7 Solo, 1 Ast

;Top passers
* DAL – Tony Romo, 20/27, 246 Yds, 3 TD, 0 INT, 68 Lng
* JAX – Blake Bortles, 22/37, 290 Yds, 0 TD, 1 INT, 53 Lng
;Top rushers
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 19 Car, 100 Yds, 0 TD, 23 Lng
* JAX – Denard Robinson, 15 Car, 60 Yds, 2 TD, 32 Lng
;Top receivers
* DAL – Dez Bryant, 6 Rec, 158 Yds, 2 TD, 68 Lng
* JAX – Cecil Shorts, 5 Rec, 119 Yds, 0 TD, 53 Lng
;Top tacklers
* DAL – Anthony Hitchens: 2 tackles
* JAX – Johnathan Cyprien: 2 tackles

Chevalier, Officer, Commander, and Grand Officer of the Legion d'Honneur, Croix de Guerre with 19 palms, Medaille Militaire, British Military Cross, Italian Military Medal, Moroccan Medal.

Bryana listens into Vanessa and Wanda's conversations, and at Jordan's friend's party, she opens her big mouth.

Week Three: Dallas Cowboys at St. Louis Rams – Game summary

Bernie discovers that Jordan and Bryana defer to Vanessa instead of him.

* MLB Delivery Man of the Year
* 2× MLB All Star
* AL Comeback Player of the Year
* AL saves leader
MLB Record: 0.60 ERA, single-season by a relief pitcher

The Skipper wants to train Gilligan to take charge should anything happen to him. Gilligan's mettle is tested when the Skipper disappears, apparently kidnapped by natives.

Bernie enrolls the kids in a good Catholic school. Bernie has trouble preparing them because Jordan fakes an illness, Brianna wants to wear her princess costume, and Vanessa can't do her hair.
When a bully picks on Jordan at school, Bernie teaches him to box. But then, Jordan goes overboard and changes from a victim to an aggressor at his school and Bernie realizes that he's "created a monster". Guest appearance by Sugar Ray Leonard.

border:2px solid #c5ced6;text-align:center;
Week One: San Francisco 49ers at Dallas Cowboys – Game summary
NFC Wild Card Playoffs: Detroit Lions at Dallas Cowboys – Game summary

Since Bernie can't spank the kids, he figures the church can provide discipline. Guest appearance by Richard Lawson.
Bryana accidentally walks in on Bernie getting out of the bathtub. Vanessa is not happy when Bryana moves into her room. Bernie and Wanda decide that it may be time to remodel the house, much to the dismay of Bernie's wallet.
In the series finale, after having a near-death experience involving the microwave, Bernie decides to turn his life around and starts being nicer and overly sensitive. Meanwhile, Jordan begins to take advantage of Bernie's new attitude. Vanessa is still working on finding a good college but she doesn't want Bernie's help. Bryana has to learn what belongs in a microwave and what doesn't since she was the one responsible for Bernie's near-death experience. In the end, Bernie discovers that Jordan has been using him and he reconciles with Vanessa. In the final scene, Bernie takes back the iPod he bought for Jordan and delivers a farewell message to "America".

Week Five: Houston Texans at Dallas Cowboys – Game summary

Ulster Conservatives and Unionists – New Force

Vanessa spends her money on shoes after Bernie specifically told her not to, which forces Bernie to have Vanessa work in his business. Guest appearance by Karen Malina White.

Cardinal-Priest of Santi Simone e Giuda Taddeo a Torre Angela

When Vanessa gets a boyfriend , Bernie disapproves... until the boyfriend takes an interest in getting Jordan involved in sports.
Warren Hutcherson & Saladin K. Patterson

*Detroit Tigers
*Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
*Tampa Bay Rays
*Seattle Mariners

;Top passers
* DAL – Tony Romo, 19/29, 176 Yds, 1 TD, 0 INT
* TEN – Jake Locker, 18/34, 234 Yds, 1 TD, 2 INT
;Top rushers
* DAL – DeMarco Murray, 29 Car, 167 Yds, 1 TD, 22 Lng
* TEN – Shonn Greene, 5 Car, 40 Yds, 0 TD
;Top receivers
* DAL –Dez Bryant, 10 Rec, 103 Yds, 1 TD, 22 Lng
* TEN –Delanie Walker, 10 Rec, 142 Yds, 1 TD, 61 Lng
;Top tacklers
* DAL – MLB Rolando McClain, 5 Solo, 2 Ast, 7 Comb, 1 SK
* TEN – SS Bernard Pollard, 10 Solo, 1 Ast, 11 Comb, 1 SK