Charlotte

Separation of Church & Plate

East Fife

Stephen begins by talking about Terry McAuliffe incorrectly saying that Tim Russert's father was dead. In his "Cold War Update," he talks about Belarus, China and Vladimir Putin resigning as President of Russia and becoming the Prime Minister. The "ThreatDown:" 5: Airlines! 4: Women's Softball! 3: Keyboards! 2: Isabella Rossellini! 1: Bears! He then interviews Mehmet Oz about his book You: The Owner's Manual.

Christie, Mike

Stephen briefly mentions Dennis Kucinich dropping out of the U.S. presidential election. He then discusses Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign in the Florida Republican primary. Next, he claims that Frederick Douglass is Hillary Clinton's "new black friend." He also comments on Bill Clinton's attacks on Barack Obama. Stephen then interviews Debra Dickerson about the role of race and gender in politics. Next, Stephen shows footage of the South Carolina Democratic debate and, using a sand sculpture of Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John Edwards, decides who won. Finally, Stephen interviews Charles Nesson
about why online poker should be legal.

Stephen begins with an apology for the way he dressed during his town hall debate in the previous episode. He then talks about the second presidential debate, including a poll on Fox News that stated over 80% of their viewers believed John McCain won the debate. For Yom Kippur, Stephen brings out his "Atone Phone" and is called by Gilbert Gottfried, who apologizes for being jealous of Stephen's success. Finally, he interviews Joe Scarborough about the presidential election.
Stephen begins by talking about Stephen Jr., his adopted eagle son, who was spotted in Oregon. In "The Wørd," Stephen discusses ACORN and alleged voter registration fraud. Stephen then examines the issue of God in the presidential election, after claims of a battle between God, Allah, Buddha and Hindu. He then plays some messages from his "Atone Phone." Finally, Stephen interviews Michael Farris about Patrick Henry College.
Stephen begins by saying that people should not worry about the current economic crisis, even though he is losing money himself. In "The Wørd," he talks about John McCain and Sarah Palin hesitating to allow journalists to ask them questions. In "Colbert Platinum," he talks about a gold statue of Kate Moss, King Mswati III of Swaziland selecting a bride out of "Tens of thousands of bare-breasted virgins," and wrapping paper made out of money. He then interviews the Rev. Peter J. Gomes about his views on religion.

Cotterill

"If your Colbert Report lasts more than half an hour, consult your physician. This is The Colbert Report."

Randall, Charlotte

Stephen talks about his show winning an Emmy Award for writing, but losing an Emmy Award to Don Rickles, and discovers one of his writers, Peter Gross, was at Rickles' show. In "The Wørd," he talks about the economic crisis. Stephen then punishes Gross by making him write insults to himself. He then talks about the Republican Party using songs without permission. Stephen then interviews Jackson Browne, who is suing John McCain for using his song, "Running on Empty." Browne then performs his song, "Going Down to Cuba."
Experience

Charlee Jacob

Christian Gross
Christian Jürgen Gross (born 14 August 1954 in Zürich) is a Swiss professional football manager and former footballer, currently manages Al-Ahli in Saudi Professional League. He was manager of FC Basel from 1 July 1999 to 27 May 2009, winning four Swiss Super Leagues and four Swiss Cups.

Stephen briefly mentions John Kerry's endorsement of Barack Obama. In the "Un-American News" segment, Stephen discusses foreign newspapers' coverage of the New Hampshire primary. He then interviews Norman Ornstein about how difficult it is to actually change the politics of Washington, D.C.. Next, he chronicles his attempt to get his portrait into the Smithsonian Institution, in Part 1 of "National Treasure: Portrait of Stephen." Finally, Stephen interviews Muhammad Yunus about poverty and microcredit.

The Friends Provident St Mary's Stadium

List of Wu-Tang Clan affiliates

Ploy-cott

St Mary's Stadium

"We have a really big show tonight, but it's a little sensitive, so call it 'husky.' This is The Colbert Report."

Canadian writer

Stephen begins by talking about the economic crisis. He then moves onto the presidential election and reports of Barack Obama's alleged ties to William Ayers. He then talks to David Gergen about his view that personal attacks will not win the election. In "Who's Not Honoring Me Now?", he attacks the MacArthur Foundation, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and Nepal. Finally, he interviews Oliver Stone about his movie W.
Stephen begins by claiming that John McCain is doing so badly in the polls because it is part of a prank. In "The Wørd," he joins other conservatives and endorses Barack Obama for president, although it is mainly to get attention and say he will not actually vote for him. In "Was It Really That Bad?", Stephen examines The Great Depression. Finally, he interviews David Simon about The Wire and Generation Kill.
Mr. Right Now

M. Davies

New Zealand writer

Stephen begins by talking about Vanity Fair's photo shoot of Miley Cyrus. He then talks about Howard Dean's belief that the choice for the Democratic presidential nomination will not be based on the popular vote. In "The Wørd," Stephen talks about using ethanol to help fight climate change. In "Stephen Colbert's Sport Report," he talks about lumberjack sports. Stephen then talks to Feist about her career. Finally, she performs her latest single, "I Feel It All."

Writer

League Cup

Chandra

"Hey, I Am America (And So Can You!) 2009 desk calendar! How dare you be in bookstores everywhere! This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins by talking about the first presidential debate. In "The Wørd," he talks about economic crisis. In "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.," Stephen talks about germs and heart health. Finally, he interviews Paul Begala about the presidential election.

BUL
Stafylidis

Undrafted

Stephen begins by mentioning Barack Obama's repudiation of comments by Jeremiah Wright. He then discusses John McCain's superstitions. Stephen then talks about Vladimir Putin aligning the Russian government with the Russian Orthodox Church and a Florida legislator's attempt to issue a Christian license plate. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," he tips his hat to Mattel and wags his finger at LASIK critics and cuddle parties. Finally, Stephen interviews Anne Lamott about her book, Grace : Thoughts on Faith.

The Irish Free State (Irish: Saorstát Éireann Irish pronunciation: [sˠiːɾˠsˠˈt̪ˠaːt̪ˠ eːɾʲən̪ˠ]; 6 December 1922 – 29 December 1937) was the state established in 1922 as a Dominion of the British Commonwealth of Nations under the Anglo-Irish Treaty signed by British and Irish representatives exactly twelve months beforehand. On the day the Irish Free State was established, it comprised the entire island of Ireland; but, as expected, Northern Ireland immediately exercised its right under the treaty to remove itself from the new state. The Irish Free State effectively replaced both the self-proclaimed Irish Republic (founded 21 January 1919) and the Provisional Government of Southern Ireland. W. T. Cosgrave, the first President of the Executive Council of the Irish Free State, had led both of these governments since August 1922.The Free State came to an end in 1937, when the citizens voted by referendum to replace the 1922 constitution. It was succeeded by the sovereign and current state of Ireland.
Irish Free State

Chandra Mayor

Bodurov

"Time flies, especially since I built a clockapult. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen talks about his Peabody Award and claims that the award should be shared between him and Doritos. In "The Wørd", Stephen says that the 2008 Beijing Olympics are too important to boycott. He then shows the eighth episode of Tek Jansen. He then interviews Clay Shirky about the Internet. Finally, Jason Baker, one of The Colbert Report's editors, performs the song "You Are the Best", which featured in the Tek Jansen episode.
Stephen briefly mentions the economic crisis and again talks about Kanye West beating him on the iTunes chart. He then discusses Plaxico Burress accidentally shooting himself in the thigh. In "Colbert Platinum: Christmas Gift Edition," he talks about a bulletproof polo shirt, giant white truffles, transforming your backyard into a Dallas Cowboys end zone and a pure gold calendar. Stephen then interviews Jeffrey Goldberg about airline security. Finally, Stephen announces the boots he wore in A Colbert Christmas are being auctioned on eBay.

Christian Jürgen Gross
Christian Gross managerial positions

Greig, Charlotte

Winona LaDuke, Dixon Despommier

Zürich, Switzerland

It's Alive!
"Hey Obama! You want to impress me with a speech on the 50-yard line of a football field? Give it during the game! This is The Colbert Report."
"Tonight's show is brought to you by the number '1' and the letter 'me.' This is The Colbert Report."

Randall

Britannia Rd, Southampton, England

Logistic map

Lexicon Artist

USA

SCO
Hoogland

Dublin

Stephen first talks about collecting his Peabody Award. He then goes on to talk about prisoners at Guantanamo being able to challenge their cases in civilian courts and interviews Neal Katyal about the decision. In "Stephen Colbert's Sport Report," Stephen talks about Ken Griffey Jr. scoring his 600th home run, gambling in basketball, and Mike Forrester making it through to the next stage of his timber sports contest. Finally, he interviews Jonathan Zittrain on the future of the internet.
Stephen again starts by talking about his Peabody Award. In "The Wørd," he says that John McCain is distancing himself from President Bush by using another word to describe the War on Terror. Stephen then talks about Barack Obama going to church in a new segment, "Stephen Colbert's Barack Obama Church Search," and discusses if Obama should be a Hindu. He then talks to Uma Mysorekar about the faith. Finally, Stephen interviews Junot Díaz about his books.
Fantasyland
"Shouldn't it be, 'No, we don't have any bananas?' That's been bugging me for 75 years. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins with "Who's Riding My Coattails Now?," putting German comedian Oliver Pocher on notice for stealing his pose that he used on the front cover of GQ magazine. He then talks about the Roger Clemens hearing. He then interviews John Feinstein about the use of steroids in sports. In the "People Destroying America" segment, Stephen talks about Susan Pagan, who refused to give her daughter a free Happy Meal for getting good grades. Finally, he interviews Leonard Nimoy about his new book.
Season of Giving
Stephen again comments on Barack Obama's trip abroad. He then talks about the Air Force wanting to design in-flight "comfort capsules" on military planes so generals and government officials can travel luxuriously. Next, Stephen discusses Elton John getting his own Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor. He then mentions a new gay-friendly advertisement for South Carolina. Finally, Stephen interviews Margaret Spellings about No Child Left Behind.

GRE

Stephen begins by talking about the resignation of Eliot Spitzer. In "Smokin' Pole: The Fight For Arctic Riches," Stephen talks about Alaska and how it may help America gain more control of the Arctic. In "Better Know A Lobby," he talks about the drug lobby and interviews Ethan Nadelmann of the Drug Policy Alliance. Finally, Stephen interviews Howard Kurtz about the media.
Stephen briefly mentions David Paterson, New York's newly installed governor, who admitted to an extramarital affair. In the "Democralypse Now" segment, he discusses Hillary Clinton supporters boycotting the Daily Kos and Barack Obama's speech on race. Next, in "Stephen Colbert's Doritos Spicy Sweet Pennsylvania Primary Coverage Live from Chilidelphia: The City of Brotherly Crunch," he features Donorschoose.org. In the "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger" segment, Stephen wags his finger at the troops in Afghanistan and tips his hat to The Moment of Truth. Finally, Stephen interviews Dee Dee Myers about her new book, Why Women Should Rule The World.
Stephen discusses his appearance on Good Morning America and his upcoming Christmas special. He then talks about President-elect Obama's potential Cabinet picks and interviews Tom Brokaw about it. He then discusses dueling advertisements between Campbell's Soup and Progresso. Finally, Stephen interviews Malcolm Gladwell about why certain people become successful.
"Portions of this show may have been pre-recorded. I've done so many, it's hard to remember. This is The Colbert Report."
A Man Named Plaxico
"Hey Democrats, I'm getting a little nervous here, you haven't invited me to speak at your convention yet. Joke's over guys! This is The Colbert Report."
"Guests of The Colbert Report stay at the luxurious...crashing with a friend. This is The Colbert Report."
"Well, we made it through another presidential election. What? Two more months? This is The Colbert Report."

Frequency response is the quantitative measure of the output spectrum of a system or device in response to a stimulus, and is used to characterise the dynamics of the system. It is a measure of magnitude and phase of the output as a function of frequency, in comparison to the input. In simplest terms, if a sine wave is injected into a system at a given frequency, a linear system will respond at that same frequency with a certain magnitude and a certain phase angle relative to the input. Also for a linear system, doubling the amplitude of the input will double the amplitude of the output. In addition, if the system is time-invariant, then the frequency response also will not vary with time.Two applications of frequency response analysis are related but have different objectives. For an audio system, the objective may be to reproduce the input signal with no distortion. That would require a uniform (flat) magnitude of response up to the bandwidth limitation of the system, with the signal delayed by precisely the same amount of time at all frequencies. That amount of time could be seconds, or weeks or months in the case of recorded media. In contrast, for a feedback apparatus used to control a dynamic system, the objective is to give the closed-loop system improved response as compared to the uncompensated system. The feedback generally needs to respond to system dynamics within a very small number of cycles of oscillation (usually less than one full cycle), and with a definite phase angle relative to the commanded control input. For feedback of sufficient amplification, getting the phase angle wrong can lead to instability for an open-loop stable system, or failure to stabilize a system that is open-loop unstable. Digital filters may be used for both audio systems and feedback control systems, but since the objectives are different, generally the phase characteristics of the filters will be significantly different for the two applications.

Provisional Government of Southern Ireland

I Endorse Barack Obama
Stephen talks angrily about his image being used on a Russian billboard, demanding payment from the Russians. In his "Cold War Update", he talks about Kosovo, Cuba and the shooting of a satellite. He then talks to Richard Brookhiser about the death of William F. Buckley Jr.. Stephen then interviews Ingrid Newkirk about animal rights.

Faure
Bryson

"Hey, single malt Scotch! You're thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married...to my stomach? This is The Colbert Report."
This is a list of episodes for The Colbert Report in 2008.

Berra

Winnipeg, Manitoba

Smith

Stephen briefly comments on the world's oldest church allegedly being found in Jordan. He then offers up "Stephen Colbert's Make McCain Exciting Challenge!," inviting viewers to replace the green screen behind John McCain at one of his speeches with something exciting. Stephen then interviews Winona LaDuke about the impact of Native Americans on the presidential election. In the "We the MEdiator" segment, he settles the feud between Clint Eastwood and Spike Lee. Finally, Stephen interviews Dixon Despommier about vertical farming.
Black & White

Adomah

"Batman may have ruled the box office but Mamma Mia! ruled my heart. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins by breaking the world record for the number of episodes of The Colbert Report. He then discusses John McCain allegedly plagiarizing Wikipedia. He then blames Monica Goodling for most of the world's problems. In "Formidable Opponent," Stephen debates himself on the merits of offshore oil drilling. Finally, Stephen interviews Dick Meyer about his book, Why We Hate Us.
Stephen discusses the arrest of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. The "ThreatDown:" 5. China! 4. Asteroids! 3. Time! 2. Pole-Dancing Robots! 1. Happiness! He then talks about potential pardons by President Bush. He brings out the "On Notice" board and pardons several items, regrets it, and puts "Forgiveness" on the board. Finally, Stephen interviews Richard Haass about foreign policy issues that President-elect Obama could face.
Stephen briefly mentions John Edwards' endorsement of Barack Obama. In "Who's NOT Honoring Me Now," he complains about a new species of spider being named after Neil Young, and the University of Massachusetts Amherst not giving him an honorary law degree. He then talks about Paul McCartney's eco-car being flown from Japan. Next, Stephen interviews Laura Dern about her new film, Recount. Finally, Stephen interviews Grover Norquist about politics.
Free Gas!
Stephen begins by talking about when he wagged his finger at Newsweek for printing a close-up photo of Sarah Palin showing her facial hair and claims he changed the world when People printed a similar photo without the hair. The "ThreatDown:" 5: Long John Silver's! 4: Iran! 3: Magnets! 2: Monkey waiters! 1: Larry Flynt! In "Difference Makers," Stephen profiles The National Hummer Club. Finally, he interviews Jonathan Alter about Barack Obama and Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Charlee Jacob (born 1952) is an American author specializing in horror fiction, dark fantasy, and poetry. Her writing career began in 1981 with the publication of several poems under the name Charlee Carter Broach. She began writing as Charlee Jacob in 1986.This native Texan is best known for her graphic explorations of the themes of human degradation, sexual extremism, and supernatural evil.

"I don't need a GPS system to find the truth, but I would like a free GPS system. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins by talking about O. J. Simpson being found guilty of kidnapping and armed robbery. He plans to bust him out by going to jail himself, so he shots the audience member he shot in the previous show again. In "The Wørd," Stephen talks about Sarah Palin not talking about the cause of climate change, and claims that causes are America's greatest enemy. He then presents a special financial edition of "Un-American News". Stephen then interviews Jim Cramer about the economic crisis.
Stephen mentions a shortage of sperm donors in Britain and introduces a new product, Stephen Colbert's Formula 4OU1. He then discusses Barack Obama winning one electoral vote from Nebraska's 2nd congressional district, further adding to the Republicans' problems. In "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.," he talks about women's health, heart health and the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive" being used to perform CPR ideally. Finally, Stephen interviews Bob Woodward about the Bush administration.
"The truth shall set you free, unless you killed somebody, in which case, remember, tell the cops they were breathing when you left. This is The Colbert Report."

English

"I knew it! This is The Colbert Report."
Acid Flashback
"Count your blessings, America. One. This is The Colbert Report."

Novelist

Coppinger

writer/editor

John Morayniss

Stephen begins by talking about John McCain trying to reach out to the middle class, and supports what he sees as McCain treating voters like children by not referring to their surnames. He talks about this to Cedric the Entertainer. Stephen then expresses his anger at a poll that claims his viewers have the 9th highest political knowledge in America. In "Movies That Are Destroying America," he discusses Quantum of Solace, High School Musical 3 and Milk. Stephen then interviews David Frum about the Republican Party.
This was not a regular episode, but part of Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 live election night special.
Stephen starts talking about the economic crisis, but then talks about being nominated for an Emmy Award. In "Smokin' Pole: The Fight for Arctic Riches," Stephen talks about Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper's views on Arctic sovereignty, Russian bomber planes resuming missions, and American scientists mapping the Arctic seabed. He then talks about his DNA being shot into space and interviews Richard Garriott via telephone about the news. Stephen then interviews Maria Bartiromo about the economic crisis.
Divided We Win

Charlee

Charlotte Louise Fullerton is an American writer of television, novels, comic books and video games.

Charlotte Randall

Stephen briefly mentions Joe Lieberman being allowed to remain in the Democratic caucus. He then discusses the words "peace and love" not being part of the presidential campaign. He then talks about Hillary Clinton possibly becoming the next Secretary of State and airs the first part of his interview with Cliff Sloan about the vetting process. Stephen then interviews Paul Simon about his career and his new book, Lyrics. Finally, Simon performs "American Tune."

Flag of Ireland.svg
Flags of Ireland

Woodrow

Benjamin Eckstein, Lou Dobbs , David Levy

Zverotić

"At the sound of the tone, the time will be 'tone time.' BEEP! This is The Colbert Report."

Moscow Summit (1988)

Stephen starts by talking again about Barack Obama's gas-saving tips. He then interviews Jason Bond about the spider Bond named after him, the Aptostichus stephencolberti. In "Colbert Platinum," Stephen talks about personal shoppers buying cheaper products, a black watermelon being sold at auction for $6,100 and introduces a new "Colbert Diamond Class" for a Qatar oil sheikh who had his car flown to London for an oil change. Finally, he interviews Kevin Costner about his film Swing Vote.
"This is the dawning of the Age of Colbertius. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen discusses Israel's choice of its national bird. In the "Leviticus Update" segment, he talks about an Israeli rabbi ruling that giraffe is Kosher. Stephen then discusses how high gas prices are affecting airlines. The "Un-American News: U.S. Election Edition" focuses on foreign newspapers' coverage of Barack Obama's presidential campaign. Finally, Stephen interviews David Hajdu about how comic books changed America.

Mike Christie

OhMyGodSocietyIsCollapsing AndWeWillSoonBeDevouring EachOtherInTheStreetsLike DogsAndACrippledOne- EyedBoyWillBeKingIfWe Don'tFixThisByNextWeek!
"The following was supposed to contain brief nudity. Thanks a lot, network. This is The Colbert Report."
"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Give him a subprime fish loan and you're in business, buddy. This is The Colbert Report."

Europe

FL Cup

"I didn't vote. If I wanted to stand in line for hours, I would be an audience member at my show. This is The Colbert Report."

Charlotte Fullerton

Iraq The Vote
Stephen begins by talking about the results for Super Tuesday. He claims that due to Barack Obama winning states with large white populations, the only way that Hillary Clinton can win is by suppressing the white vote. He then interviews Richard Brookhiser about the Republican vote. He then introduces a new segment, "Better Know a Lobbyist," and interviews Joe Solmonese from the Human Rights Campaign about gay rights. Finally, Stephen interviews Tad Devine about superdelegates and the Democratic vote.
Stephen begins by mourning the passing of Charlton Heston. He then discusses an interview with Ted Turner in which Turner claimed that, due to global warming, people will turn to cannibalism. He then goes on to talk about Black ops and interviews Trevor Paglen, who has written a book on the subject. In "Democralypse Now," Stephen talks about the resignation of Mark Penn and Hillary Clinton's attempt to attack John McCain. Finally, he interviews Jesse Ventura about his book, Don't Start the Revolution Without Me.
Starter Country

Reach

Peter Hopkins, Jared Cohen
Honest Belief
Brushback Pitch

Law

Grimshaw, Charlotte

Great Seal
Dark green: Irish Free State.

"If you're just waking up, that's how you celebrate St. Patrick's Day. This is The Colbert Report."

Macleod

Kernel of Truth

ENG

"Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques, Dormez-truth. This is The Colbert Report."

Blackman ,

Charlotte Grimshaw

"Early to bed, early to rise makes a man miss my show. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins by talking about the Eliot Spitzer scandal. In "The Wørd," he talks about Hillary Clinton's claim that she is ahead in the Democratic primaries because she was won bigger states. Stephen then presents a special repor-t called, "The '72 Democrats: Alone Again Naturally" covering the history of the 1972 Democratic presidential race. Stephen makes clear his dislike of George McGovern, whom he then interviews. This episode marks the first appearance of the phrase "President Bush Have a Hot Dog With Me" in the opening titles.

GER

Stephen starts by talking about a television adaptation of The Andromeda Strain, in which one character mentions she watches The Colbert Report. In "The Wørd," he talks about a speech he made at Princeton University, and asks students not to change the world. In "Stephen Colbert's Sport Report," he talks about Usain Bolt breaking the 100 metres world record and then interviews Mike Forrester, an American lumberjack sportsman. Finally, Stephen interviews Pat Buchanan about how World War II could have been avoided.
' "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas everywhere I go, ' possibly because I live in Macy's. This is The Colbert Report."

Murray

"Happy Columbus Day, if your name is Christopher Columbus. Everybody else back to work. This is The Colbert Report."
Fight to the Furnish
"What do I want? My own show! When do I want it? Now! This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins by talking about how he survived the writers strike. He brings his writers onto the set and welcomes them back personally. He then interviews David Gracer about eating insects. Stephen then introduces a new segment, "Stephen Colbert's Fallback Position," where he investigates different jobs he may take if he loses his job as a pundit. He investigates becoming an astrophysicist with Neil deGrasse Tyson. Finally, he interviews Richard Thompson Ford about the Democrats, and how he thinks the "race card" is being played too often.

Lukas Reiter Productions

Canadian

Grounds

Stephen begins by claiming he is reporting from New Orleans. He then talks about the Republican National Convention. Stephen then interviews Susan Eisenhower about her support for Barack Obama. He then shows a campaign commercial made by himself, claiming that the woman behind John McCain is John McCain. Stephen then interviews Doris Kearns Goodwin about Sarah Palin.
Stephen begins by talking about economic crisis and his anger that the Nobel Prize for Economics went to Paul Krugman. In "The Wørd," he claims that John McCain is a prisoner. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," Stephen wags his finger at Newsweek and electoral officials in Rensselaer County, New York, and tips his hat to a Japanese cat that saved a train station from bankruptcy by being promoted to station master. Finally, he interviews Joseph Stiglitz about the economic crisis.
Save Ferris

Chandra Mayor (born in 1973), is a Canadian poet and novelist whose writings, among other topics, dive into worlds of urban and alternative cultures. She resides in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Taped in Philadelphia, the show begins with Stephen talking to a Benjamin Franklin impersonator.. In "The Wørd," he talks about Barack Obama's recent comments on why Americans who live in small towns may be "bitter." He then shows footage of his tour of Philadelphia. Next, Stephen interviews Michelle Obama about her husband's presidential campaign. Finally, The Roots perform "The Star-Spangled Banner."
"Hey, Dunkin' Donuts! America does not run on Dunkin. You guys owe me a new gas tank. This is The Colbert Report."
"Nation, I'm really under the gun. Seriously, I stashed a pistol under my toupée. This is The Colbert Report."
Julia Sweig, Jason Riley
Let The Games Begin
Stephen briefly mentions today's drop of the Dow Jones Industrial Average. He then discusses last night's South Carolina Democratic debate, as well as Mitt Romney's singing of "Who Let the Dogs Out?" Next, he interviews Malcolm Gladwell about I.Q. tests. He then presents a report on the 1969 Charleston, South Carolina Hospital Workers' Strike. He interviews Andrew Young about the strike and his role in it. Finally, Stephen, Young, Gladwell and the Harlem Gospel Choir sing "Go Down Moses," and Stephen dedicates the performance to his striking writers.

Frequency response

"The heat wave is over, but I'm still smokin'. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen talks about a spider escaping on the International Space Station. He then reluctantly praises President-elect Obama's picks for his Cabinet. In "Nailed 'Em," he profiles a woman who was stopped at the Canada – United States border because of her "radical knitting." Finally, Stephen interviews Barbara Walters about her upcoming television special.
Stephen begins by announcing that he has won a Peabody Award. The Summer Travel Edition of the "Threatdown:" 5. Pussies! 4. Nipples! 3. Pilots! 2. Birds! 1. Limey Baggage Handlers! Next, Stephen interviews R.E.M. about their new album, Accelerate, as well as politics and their history. Finally, R.E.M. performs their newest single, "Supernatural Superserious".
"This is The Colbert Report and these are The Roots."
Stephen starts by talking about the Olympic Flame relay, believing that Tibetan monks are being bullies and that the Flame is suffering the worst. In "The Wørd," he talks about the record donations being made to the Democratic Party and claims that it would be better for them to buy their own country. In "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.," he covers living older, sexual health and surgery. Finally, he interviews Jeff Gore about retiring the penny.

William Rotko

American writer

"We're starting summer hours here. Thank you and goodnight. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen starts by talking about his visit to Philadelphia. He then talks about food shortages and predicts that cannibalism will grow in ten years time. Stephen then talks about Pope Benedict XVI's visit to the United States with James Martin. He then interviews Bernie Sanders about socialism. The show finished with Stephen eating his stage manager Bobby. "PRESIDENT BUSH HAVE A HOTDOG WITH ME" returns as the word next to Stephen in the opening credits.

The Firm

Stephen talks about Super Tuesday, discussing the best way for the Republicans to choose the most Reagan-like candidate and about Hillary Clinton being the most likely to withstand Republican attacks. He then interviews Angelo Falcon about the Latino vote. Stephen then talks about what he considers to be more light-hearted subjects, including waterboarding. He finally interviews Bob Dole about the elections.
Oh, The Places You'll Stay
Stephen continues to talk about the indictment of Ted Stevens. In "The Wørd," Stephen talks about the decline of state fairs. He then announces that a spider has been named after him, and that next week, Jason Bond will announce which one it will be. Stephen then gives an apology to Canton, Georgia, after he called it "crappy" on a previous episode. He claims that he meant to refer to Canton, Kansas. He then interviews Crosby, Stills & Nash, and performs "Teach Your Children" alongside them, dressed up as Neil Young.
Ye Of Little Faith

Çaykur Rizespor

"I regret that I have but one life to give. I want more lives! This is The Colbert Report."

Mayor

"To the Democrats in the Mile High City: Remember, if you drink liquor at that altitude, you might become interesting. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen talks about World Water Day, which leads to a special repor-t, "Watershift Down: Getting The Sea Monkey Off Of America's Aqua-back." He then introduces a new bottled water, Aqua Colbert. Next, he visits the American Museum of Natural History and their "H2O=Life" exhibit. Stephen then interviews Dean Kamen about a potential water crisis and his invention that purifies water. Finally, he briefly mentions John Kanzius, who discovered a way to burn salt water.
Stephen talks about John McCain, and about him having a hot dog lunch with George W. Bush. In "The Wørd," he claims that phone companies should be allowed to tap phone calls. In "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA," Stephen talks about surgery and heart health. He then interviews John Legend about his music and his support for Barack Obama. Finally, Stephen sings "The Girl Is Mine" with Legend.
"I always give 110%, so the way I see it, somebody owes me a 10% refund. This is The Colbert Report."
"Good things come to those who wait. This is The Colbert Report."

Woolford

"Sarah Palin's getting a book deal, which means Wasilla is getting a bookstore! This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen talks about Barack Obama's 30-minute infomercial. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," he wags his finger at Apple, Switzerland and Barack Obama. In "The DaColbert Code," he unwillingly predicts that Obama will win the presidential election. He then interviews Jeff Tweedy of Wilco about the election and his band. Finally, Wilco performs an exclusive song.

Rodallega

Corbeil-Coleman

Charlotte Greig (born 10 August 1954, Malta, died 19 June 2014) was a British novelist, playwright, singer and songwriter.

McCormack

The following is a list of Wu-Tang Clan associated acts, known as Killa Beez and Wu Fam. They are at times directly funded, supported, or produced by Clan members, are formed as extension groups originating from Clan members, or close to The Clan. The list is ever growing, but there remains a basis of sound and content musically common amongst the vast majority.

"I'm a man of few words but I say them over and over and over. This is The Colbert Report."

Jamie Gorenberg

Stephen introduces his "Stephen Colbert's 3rd Annual Ethnic Minute" . He combines Black History Month with Chinese New Year to celebrate "Black Chinese History New Year Month Minute" and claims the best Black Chinese American to celebrate is Worf from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Mike Huckabee then appears, claiming he still has a chance of become the Republican candidate in the next presidential election. Stephen continues his "Better Know a Lobbyist" interview with Joe Solmonese which started in the previous episode. He then talks to Mark Moffett about frogs.

Mings

Stephen continues to pretend he's in Denver. He talks about John McCain choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate, and about Barack Obama accepting the Democratic Party's nomination for President. He then interviews Terrell Davis via satellite about his opinion of Obama's acceptance speech. In "Better Know a Lobby," Stephen gets to know the atheist lobby. He then interviews John McWhorter about politics. Finally, Stephen stops his microwave oven, which had been running since the start of the Democratic National Convention.
N/A

Ward

Charlotte Corbeil-Coleman is a Canadian actress and playwright. Her debut play, Scratch, was a shortlisted nominee for the Governor General's Award for English-language drama at the 2010 Governor General's Awards. She has also been a writer for the CBC Radio drama series Afghanada.The daughter of novelist Carole Corbeil and actor Layne Coleman, she has also had acting roles in television, including the series Blue Murder and Show Me Yours. In 2005 she appeared in the television film Mayday.

October 2014

P.O.W.

FA Cup
Southam

Left

Stephen begins by discussing a recent John McCain rally, in which opening speaker Bill Cunningham said negative things about Barack Obama. The "Threatdown:" 5. Monopoly! 4. Richard Branson! 3. Bankruptcy! 2. John McCain! 1. Starbucks! He then talks about all Starbucks locations closing for three hours to re-train employees. Finally, Stephen interviews Tony Snow about his experience as White House Press Secretary.
Stephen starts by talking about John McCain and his support from John Hagee. Stephen expresses his anger of Hagee's views about Catholics. However, as a Christian, he is forced to turn the other cheek. Therefore, Stephen gets William Donohue to express his anger for him. In "The Wørd," he talks about McCain's continued claims of experience, but only over certain things. Next, Howard Dean calls Stephen to talk about the primaries. In "Nailed 'Em," he talks about a six-year-old girl who was cited for vandalism after drawing on the pavement in front of her front door with chalk. Finally, Stephen interviews Jennifer 8. Lee about Chinese food.
Stephen starts with the economic crisis and the news that John McCain is suspending his campaign to help solve the crisis. He responds by suspending his show, then suspends the suspension and returns. He then interviews Joe Nocera about the crisis. In "Alpha Dog of the Week," Stephen praises Bill Bennett for attacking some "intellectuals" views of Sarah Palin. He then interviews Cornel West about his book Hope on a Tightrope.

Jacob, Charlee

Stephen again discusses Barack Obama's trip abroad. He then talks about a rift in the Anglican church regarding homosexuals being ordained priests. Stephen then interviews Laurie Goodstein on the topic. The "ThreatDown:" 4. New Age Healers! 3. Greek Courts! 2. Granite Countertops! Finally, Stephen interviews Garrett Reisman about his time in space.

Amorebieta

Barack-Handed Compliment
Love Lost

The Irish Free State (Irish: Saorstát Éireann Irish pronunciation: [sˠiːɾˠsˠˈt̪ˠaːt̪ˠ eːɾʲən̪ˠ]; 6 December 1922 – 29 December 1937) was the state established in 1922 as a Dominion of the British Commonwealth of Nations under the Anglo-Irish Treaty signed by British and Irish representatives exactly twelve months beforehand.

Swiss football player and manager

Stephen starts by talking about the economic crisis, including his own problems. He therefore gets some advice from his financial advisor Gorlock. Stephen then interviews Tyson Slocum about plans to expand offshore drilling in order to help solve the economic crisis, and current scandals at the United States Department of the Interior. The "ThreatDown:" 5: Russia! 4: Bobcats! 3: Scientists! 2: Rat-Bots! 1: Icebergs! Stephen then interviews Rick Reilly about the charity Nothing but Nets.

Bettinelli

Join The European Union
Adam Brickley, Ron Paul

Jenbach, Austria

"I'm Stephen Colbert, the most trusted name in the name of my show. This is The Colbert Report."

Corbeil-Coleman, Charlotte

The Moscow Summit was a summit meeting between U.S. Pres. Ronald Reagan and General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union Mikhail Gorbachev. It was held on May 29, 1988–June 3, 1988. Reagan and Gorbachev finalized the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty (INF) after the U.S. Senate's ratification of the treaty in May 1988. Reagan and Gorbachev continued to discuss bilateral issues like Central America, Southern Africa, the Middle East and the pending withdrawal of Soviet troops from Afghanistan. Reagan and Gorbachev continued their discussions on human rights. The parties signed seven agreements on lesser issues such as student exchanges and fishing rights. A significant result was the updating of Soviet history books, which necessitated cancelling some history classes in Soviet secondary schools. In the end, Reagan expressed satisfaction with the summit.Reagan and Gorbachev eventually issued a joint statement, of which excerpts are shown here:The President and the General Secretary view the Moscow summit as an important step in the process of putting U.S.-Soviet relations on a more productive and sustainable basis. Their comprehensive and detailed discussions covered the full agenda of issues to which the two leaders agreed during their initial meeting in Geneva in November 1985 -an agenda encompassing arms control, human rights and humanitarian matters, settlement of regional conflicts and bilateral relations. Serious differences remain on important issues; the frank dialogue which has developed between the two countries remains critical to surmounting these differences.. . . The President and the General Secretary underscored the historic importance of their meetings in Geneva, Reykjavik, Washington and Moscow in laying the foundation for a realistic approach to the problems of strengthening stability and reducing the risk of conflict. They reaffirmed their solemn conviction that a nuclear war cannot be won and must never be fought, their determination to prevent any war between the United States and Soviet Union, whether nuclear or conventional, and their disavowal of any intention to achieve military superiority.The two leaders are convinced that the expanding political dialogue they have established represents an increasingly effective means of resolving issues of mutual interest and concern. They do not minimize the real differences of history, tradition and ideology which will continue to characterize the U.S.-Soviet relationship. But they believe that the dialogue will endure, because it is based on realism and focused on the achievement of concrete results. . . . It is a process which the President and the General Secretary believe serves the best interests of the peoples of the United States and the Soviet Union, and can contribute to a more stable, more peaceful and safer world. Arms ControlThe President and the General Secretary, having expressed the commitment of their two countries to build on progress to date in arms control, determined objectives and next steps on a wide range of issues in this area. These will guide the efforts of the two Governments in the months ahead as they work with each other and with other states toward equitable, verifiable agreements that strengthen international stability and security. Nuclear and Space TalksThe two leaders noted that a joint draft text of a treaty on reduction and limitation of strategic offensive arms has been elaborated. . . . While important additional work is required before this treaty is ready for signature, many key provisions are recorded in the joint draft text and are considered to be agreed, subject to the completion and ratification of the treaty.Taking into account a treaty on strategic offensive arms, the sides have continued negotiations to achieve a separate agreement concerning the ABM treaty building on the language of the Washington summit joint statement dated Dec. 10, 1987. Progress was noted in preparing the joint draft text of an associated protocol.The joint draft treaty on reduction and limitation of strategic offensive arms reflects the earlier understanding on establishing ceilings of no more than 1,600 strategic offensive delivery systems and 6,000 warheads as well as agreement on subceilings of 4,900 on the aggregate of ICBM and SLBM warheads and 1,540 warheads on 154 heavy missiles.The draft treaty also records the sides' agreement that as a result of the reductions the aggregate throw weight of the Soviet Union's ICBMs and SLBMs will be reduced to a level approximately 50 percent below the existing level and this level will not be exceeded.During the negotiations the two sides have also achieved understanding that in future work on the treaty they will act on the understanding that on deployed ICBMs and SLBMs of existing types the counting rule will include the number of warheads referred to in the joint statement of Dec. 10, 1987, and the number of warheads which will be attributed to each new type of ballistic missile will be subject to negotiation.In addition, the sides agreed on a counting rule for heavy bomber armaments according to which heavy bombers equipped only for nuclear gravity bombs and SRAMs will count as one delivery vehicle against the 1,600 limit and one warhead against the 6,000 limit.The delegations have also prepared joint draft texts of an inspection protocol, a conversion or elimination protocol, and a memorandum of understanding on data, which are integral parts of the treaty. These documents build on the verification provisions of the INF treaty, extending and elaborating them as necessary to meet the more demanding requirements of Start. The Start verification measures will, at a minimum, include:A. Data exchanges, to include declarations and appropriate notifications on the number and location of weapons systems limited by Start, including locations and facilities for production, final assembly, storage, testing, repair, training, deployment, conversion and elimination of such systems. Such declarations will be exchanged between the sides before the treaty is signed and updated periodically.B. Baseline inspections to verify the accuracy of these declarations.C. On-site observation of elimination of strategic systems necessary to meet the agreed limits.D. Continuous on-site monitoring of the perimeter and portals of critical production facilities to confirm the output of weapons to be limited.E. Short-notice on-site inspection of:I. Declared locations during the process of reducing to agreed limits; II. Locations where systems covered by this treaty remain after achieving the agreed limits; and III. Locations where such systems have been located (formerly declared facilities).F. Short-notice inspection, in accordance with agreed-upon procedures, of locations where either side considers covert deployment, production, storage or repair of strategic offensive arms could be occurring.G. Prohibition of the use of concealment or other activities which impede verification by national technical means. Such provisions would include a ban on telemetry encryption and would allow for full access to all telemetric information broadcast during missile flight.H. Procedures that enable verification of the number of warheads on deployed ballistic missiles of each specific type, including on-site inspection.I. Enhanced observation of activities related to reduction and limitation of strategic offensive arms by national technical means. These would include open displays of treaty-limited items at missile bases, bomber bases and submarine ports at locations and times chosen by the inspecting party.The two sides have also begun to exchange data on their strategic forces.During the course of this meeting in Moscow, the exchanges on Start resulted in the achievement of substantial additional common ground, particularly in the areas of ALCMs and the attempts to develop and agree, if possible, on a solution to the problem of verification of mobile ICBMs.The sides also discussed the question of limiting long-range, nuclear-armed SLCMs.Ronald Reagan and M. S. Gorbachev expressed their joint confidence that the extensive work done provides the basis for concluding the treaty on reduction and limitation of strategic offensive arms which will promote strategic stability and strengthen security not only of the peoples of the U.S.S.R. and the U.S.A., but of all mankind.Guided by this fundamental agreement . . . the delegations of the two countries have been instructed to return to Geneva on July 12, 1988. It has been agreed as a matter of principle that, once the remaining problems are solved and the treaty and its associated documents are agreed, they will be signed without delay. Nuclear TestingThe leaders reaffirmed the commitment of the two sides to conduct in a single forum full-scale, stage-by-stage negotiations on the issues relating to nuclear testing. In these negotiations the sides as the first step will agree upon effective verification measures which will make it possible to ratify the U.S.-U.S.S.R. Threshold Test Ban Treaty of 1974 and Peaceful Nuclear Explosions Treaty of 1976, and proceed to negotiating further intermediate limitations on nuclear testing leading to the ultimate objective of the complete cessation of nuclear testing as part of the effective disarmament process. This process, among other things, would pursue, as the first priority, the goal of the reduction of nuclear weapons and ultimately, their elimination. In implementing the first objective of these negotiations, agreement upon effective verification measures for the U.S.-U.S.S.R. Threshold Test Ban Treaty of 1974, the sides agreed to design and conduct a joint verification experiment at each other's test sites.The leaders . . . also noted the substantial progress on a new protocol to the Peaceful Nuclear Explosions Treaty and urged continuing constructive negotiations on effective verification measures for the Threshold Test Ban Treaty.Expressing their conviction that the progress achieved so far forms a solid basis for continuing progress on issues relating to nuclear testing, the leaders instructed the negotiators to complete expeditiously the preparation of a protocol to the Peaceful Nuclear Explosions Treaty and to complete the preparation of a protocol to the Threshold Test Ban Treaty as soon as possible after the joint verification experiment has been conducted and analyzed. They confirmed their understanding that verification measures for the TTBT will, to the extent appropriate, be used in further nuclear test limitation agreements which may subsequently be reached. They also declared their mutual intention to seek ratification of both the 1974 and 1976 treaties when the corresponding protocols to the Threshold Test Ban Treaty and the Peaceful Nuclear Explosions Treaty are completed, and to continue negotiations as agreed in the Washington joint summit statement.One ironic instance of the summit was when Reagan gave Gorbachev a copy of the movie Friendly Persuasion, whose screenwriter Michael Wilson got blacklisted in the 1950s due to suspected communist sympathies.

Stephen begins by discussing General Petraeus' promotion to chief of United States Central Command. The "Threatdown:" 5. Little League! 4. Bulls! 3. Bees! 2. Rationing! 1. Bears! In the "Difference Makers" segment, Stephen profiles a man in Atlanta, Georgia who invented a "Bumbot", designed to chase away bums. Finally, Stephen interviews Maria Shriver about her new book, Just Who Will You Be?
Tradition
Stephen discusses Fred Thompson dropping out of the U.S. presidential election. This leads to "Sam Waterston Says Things You Should Never Believe In A Trustworthy Manner." He then dedicates the remainder of the show to the "Sport Report." He begins by talking about reports of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady injuring his ankle. He then encourages people to buy his WristStrong bracelets and send them to Brady. Next, Stephen interviews Marie Wood about the Yellow Ribbon Fund. He then interviews Jeb Corliss about his attempted jump off the Empire State Building. Finally, Stephen interviews Andrew McLean about extreme skiing.

Charlee Jacob (born 1952) is an American author specializing in horror fiction, dark fantasy, and poetry. Her writing career began in 1981 with the publication of several poems under the name Charlee Carter Broach. She began writing as Charlee Jacob in 1986.This native Texan is best known for her graphic explorations of the themes of human degradation, sexual extremism, and supernatural evil. Her first novel This Symbiotic Fascination (Necro Publications, 1997) was nominated for the International Horror Guild Award and the Bram Stoker Award. Her novel Dread in the Beast tied David Morrell's Creepers for first place for the Bram Stoker Award for Best Novel of 2005, and her poetry collection Sineater won the Bram Stoker Award for Best Poetry Collection in 2005 as well.

Stephen begins by talking about an article which states that a woman's voice becomes sexier when she is ovulating. In "The Wørd," he argues that George W. Bush is not as big a political liablilty as Jeremiah Wright. In a special edition of "Stephen's Sound Advice," he talks about Karl Rove's advice on how to win the election. Finally, Stephen interviews Nathan Gunn about opera.
Stephen starts with a "Shout Out" to George Foster Peabody for winning the "Stephen T. Colbert Award in Excellence for Recognizing Excellence." He then talks about comments made by Sean Hannity. Stephen then talks about cookies no longer being the most popular snack for children under the age of 6, blaming Cookie Monster for eating fruit. This results in Cookie Monster making a guest appearance. Finally, he interviews N. T. Wright on Christianity and heaven. During the signing off, Stephen notices his Peabody is missing, which Cookie Monster noticed before and described it as looking like a cookie, but Stephen slaps his hand away. When he notices his Peabody is missing, he asks, "Cookie Monster, did you eat my Peabody?"

Territory of the Irish Free State in 1922.

"Take everything I say with a grain of salt because my new sponsor...is salt. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen still continues to pretend he is in Denver. In "The Wørd," he discusses Barack Obama's acceptance speech and his life in the 1960s. Stephen then talks about the roll call vote to nominate Obama as the Democratic Party nominee for President, and mentions the problems with the vote from Guam. Finally, he talks to Rick Brookhiser about George Washington.
Stephen starts by talking about the end of Barack Obama's trip abroad, and John McCain's claims of media bias. He says that he was planning to comment on Robert Novak running over a cyclist, but because of Novak's ill health, he did not consider it appropriate. In "Stephen Colbert's Trigger Happy," he covers the District of Columbia v. Heller case, allowing guns in national parks and a special gun being made for the Heller ruling. He then talks to Toby Keith about his film Beer for My Horses. Finally, Keith performs "Beer for My Horses."

Hyndman

"Daylight Savings Time starts Sunday. Maybe that'll get us out of this daylight debt crisis. This is The Colbert Report."
"Forget the wind. The answer, my friend, is blowin' out my mouth. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins by talking about the second presidential debate which was a town hall forum. He supports the idea of town hall forums and hold his own. The "ThreatDown:" 4. The Obama Channel! 3. Bulls! 2. Bears! 1. Zombies! He then talks about the nationalization of American banks and the believe that this is a path to communism, and claims that libraries are communist because everything in them is free. Finally, Stephen interviews Nate Silver, who predicts election results the same way he predicts baseball games.
Blame Monica Goodling
"Only 21 more 'can't afford to go shopping' days until Christmas. This is The Colbert Report."
"Hey, Ben Bernanke. Stop telling us about your sagging growth. This is The Colbert Report."
"The names in this broadcast have been changed to protect the innocent. This is The Molbert Report."
"Hey, Liquid Paper! Your bottle should say you don't work on computer screens. This is The Colbert Report."
Declaration Of Warming
"Warning: I may contain more than a trace amount of nut. This is The Colbert Report."

Charlotte Randall (born Dunedin) is a New Zealand novelist. Her first novel, Dead Sea Fruit won the Reed Fiction Award, and the 1996 Commonwealth Writers' Prize, Best First Book, South East Asia / Pacific.She studied psychology at the University of Canterbury. She was the 2000 Victoria University Writers' Fellow, and was the 2005 Ursula Bethell Creative Writing Resident, at Canterbury University. She teaches at New Zealand's Writers College. She is married; they live in Christchurch with their two children.

Motspur Park, London

Dáil Éireann

"Hey, did you guys see tonight's episode of The Colbert Report? This is The Colbert Report."

The Firm is a Canadian-American one-hour television drama that began airing in January 2012 on Global in Canada and NBC in the United States and in February 2012 on AXN, and is a sequel to the 1991 John Grisham novel of the same name and its 1993 film adaptation. The television adaptation is set ten years after the novel and film.On February 3, 2012, NBC announced that the series would be pulled from its Thursday 10/9c slot immediately, and placed on Saturdays at 9/8c starting on February 18.

"Hey, pants! Why should I have to put you on one leg at a time? I'm not like everybody else. This is The Colbert Report."

Jacob

Stephen talks about Starbucks' closing of 600 stores. He then says that to combat the United States dollar's loss of value against the euro, America should join the European Union. He then talks about accusations that Fox News is racist, as well as the feud between Nas and Bill O'Reilly. Stephen then interviews Nas about the feud and his new album, Untitled. Finally, Nas performs "Sly Fox."
This is a "no smoking" building. Then what am I doing here? This is The Colbert Report."

Jenbach Stadium, Austria

Stephen begins by saying that J.D. Salinger refuses to come on his show. He then talks about the Jeremiah Wright controversy. He talks to Donna Brazile about Barack Obama and how the Wright controversy is being dealt with. Stephen then talks about the people of Guam voting in the current campaign. He then repeats the "Better Know a Protectorate" interview with Madeleine Bordallo. Finally, Stephen interviews Noah Feldman about the constitution of Iraq.
Stephen continues to pretend that he is reporting live from Denver. He then claims that it wasn't Sasha Obama saying goodnight to Barack Obama at the Democratic National Convention, referring to an incident at the Olympics. Stephen talks about Hillary Clinton's speech at the convention. He then looks at the life of a repo man named Scott O'Brien. Stephen then interviews Mike Huckabee about the presidential election. He ends by mourning the passing of Stephanie Tubbs Jones and plays part of her Better Know a District interview.

British writer

Stephen begins by talking about job losses at Starbucks. He then talks about the United Nations trying to fight global warming and talks to Brendan I. Koerner about environmental issues. In "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.," Stephen talks about toxins in lobsters, "Truman Show Delusion" and germs that are resistant to chlorine. He then interviews Buzz Aldrin about his experiences as an astronaut.
"If I had a nickel for every time I was wrong, I'd be broke. This is The Colbert Report."

Burn

"Do not store me near an open flame. My contents are under pressure. This is The Colbert Report."

Burgess

"Good fences make good neighbors and good neighbors make good fences. Get on it, Mexico. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen starts by grieving over the final Democratic primaries and expressing his anger that it is now over. In "The Wørd," he suggests that in order to continue the War on Terror, Hezbollah and Al-Qaeda should fight each other. In "Stephen's Sound Advice," he gives advice on finding a summer job. Finally, he interviews George Will about conservatism; Will states that he is an agnostic.

Charlotte Grimshaw is a New Zealand novelist who lives in Auckland.

Stephen discusses the previous night's Republican presidential debate. He then interviews Tim Harford about logic. In the "People Destroying America" segment, Stephen profiles Lowell Kuvin, a resident of Coral Gables, Florida, who wants to park his truck on the street overnight. Finally, Stephen interviews Andrew Napolitano about his new book, A Nation Of Sheep.

Whittingham

Éamon de Valera
Light green: Territory that withdrew from the Irish Free State.
James McNeill

"There are eight million stories in the Naked City; most would look better with their clothes on. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins by talking about Earth Day. He then moves on to coverage of the Pennsylvania Democratic primary and The Colbert Report's coverage of it. Stephen talks about the accusations that Barack Obama copied Hillary Clinton in terms of appearing on his show, and claims that Obama has copied Clinton in other ways. In "Better Know a District," Stephen interviews Joe Sestak from Pennsylvania's 7th district. Finally, he interviews Susan Jacoby on anti-intellectualism.
"Happy Cinco de Mayo. Remember, tomorrow's a great day to buy a used piñata. This is The Colbert Report.
"You say tom-ah-to, I say this is The Colbert Report."

Charlee_Jacob

"You put your left foot in, you take your left foot out. You put your left foot in and you shake it all about. Who knew restless leg syndrome was so much fun? This is The Colbert Report."
Benjamin Eckstein, Deborah Tannen
Stephen briefly mentions the arrest and indictment of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. He then shows off The Colbert Report Christmas tree and his "Nixmas Tree" and Nixon menorah. This leads to a discussion on Frost/Nixon and he interviews Kevin Bacon about the film. As a prelude to Thursday's new episode of Tek Jansen, Stephen shows the previous installment. Finally, he interviews Charlie Kaufman about his new film, Synecdoche, New York.
"It's my last show before Thanksgiving, so I'm going to pardon my turkey. I'm puttin' pardon my stomach and pardon some sandwiches. This is The Colbert Report."
Good Bad Journalism

Michael Hunt Christie (born December 20, 1949 in Big Spring, Texas and raised in Calgary, Alberta) is a retired professional ice hockey defenceman who played 412 games in the National Hockey League for the California Seals, Cleveland Barons, Colorado Rockies, and Vancouver Canucks in 1974–1981. He was the first native of Texas to play in the NHL although it was strictly a technicality as his father was a Canadian citizen working for an American oil company and he grew up in Canada.

Canadian actor and playwright

Matchday

Stephen talks about his hate for John McCain, which he is forced to set aside to support him as the Republican presidential nominee. In "The Wørd," Stephen explains how McCain is like a boyfriend who the country could get used to after getting to know him better. In the "Colbert Platinum" segment, he talks about fake Ferraris and the destruction of homes in Liechtenstein. Finally, Stephen interviews Geraldo Rivera about his new book, His Panic.

Michael Rosenberg

"The price of stamps rose a penny. Sweet, I just made twenty cents on my pack of "forever stamps." This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins with the economic crisis. In "The Wørd," he talks about allegations that the National Security Agency eavesdropped on U.S. soldiers' telephone conversations that involved phone sex. Stephen then presents a "Lame Sports Edition" of "Stephen Colbert's Sport Report," which features the World Mind Sports Games, the Escape from Berkeley road race, and the Tampa Bay Rays. Finally, he interviews Tina Brown about The Daily Beast website. In the opening credits, the word next to Stephen changes to VOTE.
Stephen begins by talking about Reverend Jeremiah Wright's remarks about racism and how Barack Obama reacted. He then talks about his upcoming shows in Philadelphia and press rumors that he is restarting his presidential campaign. He denies this and announces his new segment, "Stephen Colbert's Doritos Spicy Sweet Pennsylvania Primary Coverage Live from Chilidelphia: The City of Brotherly Crunch." In "Das Booty: The Hunt for Hitler's Gold," Stephen discusses the rising price of gold. Due to a previous search for Hitler's gold being canceled, Stephen sends Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to find it. He then interviews Carole King about her music career. Finally, King sings "I Feel the Earth Move."
Stephen talks about his "feud" with Kanye West and brags that A Colbert Christmas is now ahead of West's album on the iTunes charts. He then interviews Bob Graham about a potential biological weapons attack on America. In "Movies That Are Destroying America," he profiles Yes Man, Revolutionary Road and Miracle on 34th Street. Finally, Stephen interviews Nicholas Wade about using DNA to clone a woolly mammoth.
"If life gives you lemons, save the receipt. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins by declaring racism over after the election of Barack Obama and interviews Cory Booker about it. In "Stephen Colbert's meTunes," he discusses new albums from John Legend, Toby Keith and Guns N' Roses. Stephen then interviews Thomas Friedman about the environment. Finally, Stephen plugs his upcoming Christmas special.
Stephen begins by discussing the election of Barack Obama as President of the United States. In "The Wørd," he argues that using fear in politics has collapsed like the housing bubble. The "ThreatDown:" 5. Sensitivity! 4. Cory Booker! 3. Universal Healthcare! 2. Barnyard Animals! 1. Black Presidents! Finally, Stephen interviews Andrew Young about Obama's election. The word that appears next to Stephen in the opening credits changes to "FACTOSE INTOLERANT."
List of The Colbert Report episodes (2008)

Parker

United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland

Charlotte Corbeil-Coleman

"If it's called the USA Today, why's all the news from yesterday? Busted! This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen starts by talking about John McCain wanting to postpone the first presidential debate. In "Stephen Settles the Debate," he decides who is better: Franklin D. Roosevelt or Teddy Roosevelt. Stephen then talks about Sarah Palin and interviews National Organization for Women president Kim Gandy about Palin. Finally, he interviews Nick Carr, who believes that the internet makes people concentrate less.
"Hey Cupid, put on some damn pants! No one wants to see baby bits! This is The Colbert Report."

Flag of the United Kingdom.svg

David

Mike

"Beauty isn't in the eye of the beholder; I've checked. There's nothing in there but veins and goo. This is The Colbert Report."

Martin

"I promise to deliver the truth in the next thirty minutes or it's free. This is The Colbert Report."

Paterson ,

"Hey Obama, try to plagiarize this: This is The Colbert Report."
"Early to bed and early to rise makes you a loser. Let's party all night long. This is The Colbert Report."

Great Seal of the Irish Free State

Stephen starts by talking about the indictment of Ted Stevens. He then talks about John McCain encouraging people to wear sunscreen and his visit to the Dalai Lama. In "The Wørd," Stephen discusses the use of torture on terror suspects. In the 52nd part of "Better Know a District," he interviews Carolyn B. Maloney from New York's 14th. Finally, Stephen interviews Eric Roston about the environmental effect of carbon emissions.
Stephen begins by mentioning General Petraeus' testimony to Congress. He then discusses next week's shows being taped in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and shows more drawings of the presidential candidates, done by children in Pennsylvania schools. Stephen then talks about the "Santa Clausification" of Martin Luther King, Jr. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," he wags his finger at talking fish, tips his hat to the black drum and wags his finger to Time's Time 100. Finally, Stephen interviews Robin Wright about the future of the Middle East.

Canada

Charlotte Randall (born Dunedin) is a New Zealand novelist. Her first novel, Dead Sea Fruit won the Reed Fiction Award, and the 1996 Commonwealth Writers' Prize, Best First Book, South East Asia / Pacific.She studied psychology at the University of Canterbury. She was the 2000 Victoria University Writers' Fellow, and was the 2005 Ursula Bethell Creative Writing Resident, at Canterbury University. She teaches at New Zealand's Writers College.

Stephen talks about Pope Benedict XVI visiting New York and he tries to tempt the Pope to come on the show. He then talks about his donorschoose.org campaign. Next, he shows some drawings of the presidential candidates, done by children in Pennsylvania schools. Stephen then goes on to talk about Wilford Brimley backing John McCain in the presidential race, and plays a phone call between "Brimley" and himself. Finally, Stephen interviews Madeleine Albright about her book, Memo to the President Elect.
Stephen begins by talking about the failure of a bailout bill in the U.S. House to help with the economic crisis. He then talks about the lift of the ban on offshore drilling and shows a commercial from a company called "Prescott Oil." In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," Stephen wags his finger at The New York Times and tips his hat to Bette Midler and Wall Street "jagoffs." Finally, he interviews James Taylor, who performs the song " Road Runner."
Stephen starts by talking about the Time 100 and attacking Rain, who is still ahead of him in the poll. In "The Wørd," he talks about the results of the Pennsylvania Democratic primary. In "Colbert Platinum," he talks about underwater convertibles, buying the remains of dinosaurs, and Caffé Raro, the most expensive coffee in the world. Stephen then interviews Mitch Albom about his books. He ends by talking about "The Lost O'Reilly Tapes," which he claims is two minutes of lost footage from his interview with Bill O'Reilly.

Greig

Fullerton, Charlotte

Stephen begins by talking about his coverage of the Republican National Convention, saying that he is now back in Saint Paul. He then talks about John McCain accepting the Republican Party's nomination for President, which he did in front of a "Green Screen," resulting in Stephen creating another "Green Screen Challenge." He then presents a "Better Know a District Update," in which he reports that Lynn Westmoreland called Barack and Michelle Obama "uppity." He then interviews David Paterson about his role as Governor of New York.
Stephen starts by talking about a photo of Barack Obama in native Kenyan clothes, claiming he is a terrorist. He then discusses a New York Times article about the John McCain lobbyist controversy. In the "Oscars That Are Destroying America" segment, he attacks the fact that too many awards went to foreigners. Finally, Stephen interviews Henry Louis Gates, Jr. about race.

American ice hockey player

Placebo
Stephen begins by talking about the Time 100 and losing again to Rain and, again, issues his dance-off challenge to him. In "The Wørd," he talks about Hillary Clinton and John McCain's plan for a gas tax holiday. Stephen then talks about Rain's movie debut in the film Speed Racer. In "Alpha Dog of the Week," he congratulates an anonymous Tennessee 911 operator who fell asleep during an emergency call. He then interviews Carl Hiaasen about his book, The Downhill Lie. Rain then turns up for the dance-off.
"How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Limo, limo, limo. This is The Colbert Report."

Vincent Angell

Gross, Christian

Stephen begins by taking credit for The New York Times putting a clue relating to John McCain in their crossword. He then talks about the economic crisis. Stephen blames computers for the crisis and talks to Bethany McLean about how they can be stopped. In "Stephen Colbert's Bears & Balls," he talks about someone on eBay buying a house for $1.75, a Mexican company selling low-cost housing made out of intermodal containers, and the rising price of salt. Stephen then interviews Kathleen Parker about Sarah Palin.
"New York Post, I call dibs on 'Eliot Mess.' This is The Colbert Report."
The show starts with the song "Limelight" by Rush being played instead of the normal theme tune. Stephen complains to Jimmy, who claims to be a big Rush fan. In "The Wørd," Stephen says that we need to think that the economy is getting better in order to make it better. In "Alpha Dog of the Week," he praises George W. Bush for his attitude to the environment at the G8 Summit. Stephen then interviews Rush, who then perform their classic, "Tom Sawyer." The word next to Stephen in the opening credits reads, "ROCK ON!"
"I don't want to let the cat out of the bag. That cat knows what it did and it needs to be punished. This is The Colbert Report."

Assombalonga , 79'

"Hey, autumnal equinox! If the nights are getting longer, why is my show still only a half-hour? This is The Colbert Report."

D.C. United Reserves
Ruiz

Stephen begins by repeating his request to speak at the Democratic National Convention, and talks about the extra-marital affair committed by John Edwards. He then talks about the 2008 Summer Olympics and talks to Olympic athlete Joey Cheek about his work in Darfur. Stephen then apologizes to Canton, South Dakota for insulting them, and then insults Canton, Texas. Finally, he interviews Jane Mayer about torture.
"If you're filling out your tournament brackets, I always go with "C." This is The Colbert Report."
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...unless you throw a dictionary at me. This is The Colbert Report."
At the top of the show, the screen behind Stephen goes out suddenly, until Hillary Clinton comes out and helps fix it. Stephen then talks about the ABC News Democratic debate. Stephen interviews Patrick Murphy about his time serving in Iraq. Next, John Edwards delivers "Ed Wørds," explaining how white men are the key voters in the upcoming primaries, and how he still isn't sure who he will endorse for president. Finally, Barack Obama appears via satellite and declares political distractions on notice.

Motherwell

Stephen begins by talking about Colin Powell endorsing Barack Obama for president. He then interviews Fareed Zakaria about the economic crisis. Stephen presents a new "lower cost" segment based on "Colbert Platinum", "Colbert Aluminum." He talks about Paris, rich people opening various bank accounts in order to protect themselves, and stealth wealth. Finally, Stephen talks to Wynton Marsalis about jazz and together they perform "The Star-Spangled Banner."
The Gospel of John
"Mark my words...seriously, Mark, I need my words. Where's my script? This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen discusses Barack Obama's victory in the South Carolina Democratic primary and his endorsement by Ted Kennedy. He then compares Obama to John F. Kennedy. He then talks about the death of Gordon B. Hinckley and claims he was killed by his striking writers. Stephen then discusses Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's upcoming visit to Iraq. He then interviews Marjane Satrapi about her experiences growing up in Iran. Next, Stephen discusses an article in The Nation that claims the South Carolina Democratic primary results could have been different if he had been allowed on the ballot, and shows previously aired clips of his campaign stops in the state. Finally, Stephen interviews Rick Warren about God and the meaning of life.
Freaky Three-Way Calling
The show begins with Rush finally finishing yesterday's performance. Stephen talks about gas stations in New York City running out of 4's for the gas signs. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," he tips his hat to Subway, then wags his finger at it. He then wags his finger at Australia and tips his hat to a man who put up a controversial billboard in St. Cloud, Florida. Next, Stephen presents more entries in "Stephen Colbert's Make McCain Exciting Challenge!" Finally, he interviews Elizabeth Edwards about universal health care.

IRL

None
Stephen begins by talking about the conviction of Salim Hamdan. In "Stephen Colbert's Sport Report," he then talks about the 2008 Summer Olympics and interviews Devin Gordon about them. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," he wags his finger at his corner deli owner and Denzel Washington, and tips his hat to a man who called 911 after the sauce was left off his Subway sandwich. Finally, he interviews Thomas Frank about his view that conservatism is harming the government.
"For every action, I have a superior and opposite reaction. This is The Colbert Report."

Ben Lee

Stephen again discusses the fallout from Proposition 8. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," Stephen wags his finger at Pope Benedict XVI and Julian Norridge, and tips his hat to, and wags his finger at, Marvel Comics. He then discusses Rahm Emanuel being named President-elect Obama's Chief of Staff. Stephen then interviews Stephen Moore about economics. Finally, Stephen attempts to get President-elect Obama to come on his show by autographing a Spider-Man comic book, and gets cover artist Joe Quesada to sign it also.

Murphy

"Hey Burger King, isn't it time you named an heir? This is The Colbert Report."
"Remember the old adage: starve a cold, feed a fever, behead a zombie. This is The Colbert Report."

St Mary's

"A great man once said, 'This is The Colbert Report.' Wait, that was me. This is The Colbert Report!"
"Hey, teleprompter! Stop telling me what to do. 'Pause, then yell.' This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins with a discussion on Mike Huckabee's running mate. Stephen claims that via obligation, he should be the running mate. He also displays his dislike of John McCain, due to other right-wing political pundits, such as Rush Limbaugh, disliking McCain. He then talks to superdelegate Eliot Spitzer about superdelegates. He then talks to Eleanor Holmes Norton, another superdelegate, about her support of Barack Obama. Finally, Stephen interviews Lisa Randall about other dimensions.
How Dare You?
Stephen starts by talking about "face violence." He then talks about the oil crisis. In "The Wørd," Stephen mistakenly thinks that George Carlin banned the "seven words you can never say on television." He then talks again about the Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi, the spider named after Neil Young. He reveals that Jason E. Bond, who named the spider, will also name a spider after Stephen, and talks to him over the phone. Finally, Stephen interviews Will Smith about his new film, Hancock.
"Hey, America! You scratch my back, I'll demand you scratch my back more. This is The Colbert Report."
Tyson Slocum, Rick Reilly

Grabban 47'

Stephen starts by talking about the final presidential debate, praising John McCain, but attacking his references to Joe the Plumber. Stephen then talks about the third anniversary of The Colbert Report and that his portrait has now been accepted by Brent Glass as part of the National Museum of American History. He then interviews Robert Greenwald about his series of anti-McCain commercials on YouTube. Stephen then unveils a new portrait of himself, which features him holding his Emmy.

Fulham

Black and White
Stephen starts by talking about Jorge Ramos and speaks to Esteban Colberto, who is a big fan of Ramos'. In "The Wørd," Stephen talks about supporters of Hillary Clinton wanting more power at the Democratic National Convention. In "Nailed 'Em," Stephen talks about a man who lost his job after failing a drug test, despite the fact that he took medical marijuana. Finally, he interviews Ramos about his work on Univision.
"If you're looking for an inexpensive way to heat your home, might I suggest a grease fire? This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins with an arts and crafts demonstration, saying that selling "googly-eyed clams" would be a great way to make money if you lost your job. He then briefly mentions President Bush's final State of the Union Address. Next, Stephen interviews Joe Quesada about the new Captain America. He then discusses his feud with Conan O'Brien. Jon Stewart makes an appearance to tell Stephen that while O'Brien "made" Mike Huckabee, Stewart "made" O'Brien, and therefore "made" Huckabee. Finally, Stephen interviews Alex Ross about classical music in the 20th century.
Stephen starts by talking about Barack Obama being the Democratic candidate for the election. He also talks about John McCain's speech about Obama. Stephen then talks about the Libertarian Party and talks to its presidential candidate Bob Barr. He then interviews Salman Rushdie about his new book The Enchantress of Florence. He ends with "The Lost O'Reilly Tapes," which shows more footage of Stephen's interview with Bill O'Reilly.

Dawkins

Catharsis

Christie

Stephen talks about auditions for The Rockettes, claiming that those who fail can join his "Shockettes," who also act as his bodyguards. He then talks about Nelson Mandela being on the terrorist watch list. He then interviews Hasan Elahi, who himself is on the list. In "Democralypse Now," Stephen talks about the North Carolina and Indiana primaries. Finally, he interviews George Johnson about his book, The Ten Most Beautiful Experiments.
Marie Wood, Jeb Corliss, Andrew McLean
"Remember the '80s? Then you're not part of my demographic. This is The Colbert Report."
"It's snowing on Mars so the following schools are closed: Microbe Academy, Bleep Blorp Elementary and St. Teresa's Blessed Crater. This is The Colbert Report."
Mad Men

FFFFFF

Stephen discusses the settlement in a lawsuit filed against Airborne. He then introduces a new segment, "Democralypse Now: The Delightful Dismemberment Of The Democratic Hopescape," which focuses on Geraldine Ferraro's recent comments about Barack Obama, as well as baseless claims that Obama is a Muslim. He then interviews Hussein Ibish about those claims. In the "Difference Makers" segment, Stephen profiles Tennessee Senator Doug Jackson about his legislation that would allow guns in bars. Finally, Stephen interviews Sudhir Venkatesh about his sociological experiences with gangs.
"I don't pay attention to polls, I just count lawn signs, so get ready for President Re/Max. This is The Colbert Report."
"The days of atonement are upon us. I apologize for being perfect. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen starts by talking about a Starbucks promotion. He then talks about the popularity of Barack Obama slightly falling and his plans to save on gas by inflating tires. Stephen then talks about how Republicans can win votes with wedge issues. He then issues another apology in relation to Canton, Kansas, by saying he was in another mix-up, this time with Canton, South Dakota. Finally, Stephen interviews David Carr about his drug addiction and his work with The New York Times.
Bleep

Mayor, Chandra

Devin Gordon, Thomas Frank

Jonathan Shapiro

Charlotte Greig

Stephen talks about the anniversary of him breaking his wrist and points out cuts and bruises on his face, starting a campaign against "face violence". He then talks about South Africa ruling that Chinese South Africans are black. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," Stephen wags his finger at Barack Obama, then tips his hat to him. He wags his finger at California, tips his hat to condoms and the South Pole and wags his finger at high fuel prices. Finally, Stephen interviews Barbara Ehrenreich about the differences between the rich and poor.
Stephen mentions John Edwards dropping out of the presidential election. He then discusses Hillary Clinton getting the most votes in the Florida Democratic primary, and John McCain winning the Florida Republican primary. He also talks about Rudy Giuliani dropping out of the presidential election. Stephen then interviews Carl Hiaasen about politics in Florida. In the "Better Know A District" segment, he profiles South Carolina's 4th congressional district. Finally, Stephen interviews Frans de Waal about the relationship between humans and apes.

Evans
FLC

"You know what they say, 'When in Rome, get on a plane back to America.' This is The Colbert Report."

FF6600

Stephen briefly talks about the meeting of President Bush and President-elect Obama. He then discusses the fallout over the Proposition 8 outcome and interviews Dan Savage about it. He then shows the second part of "Stephen Colbert's Fallback Position," in which he learns how to be a spy. Finally, Stephen interviews Kevin Johnson about politics and his plans for Sacramento, California.

Dembélé

Stephen discusses Barack Obama's foreign trip in "Barack Obama's Elitist Summer Abroad." He then talks about John McCain's travel plans in "John McCain's Fiscally Responsible Staycation." In "Better Know a Lobby," Stephen profiles the environmental lobby. Finally, Stephen interviews Jim Webb about politics and his book, A Time to Fight. The word next to Stephen in the opening credits changes to "MULTI-GRAIN."

Mike Christie (ice hockey)

Amhrán na bhFiann
Ireland

Voser
Taylor

Stephen begins by paying tribute to Tim Russert. He then talks about a new "Global Edition" of his show, which leads to a discussion on the 2008 Summer Olympics. In a new segment, "The Enemy Within," Stephen profiles a substitute teacher from Land O' Lakes, Florida who was fired for allegedly practicing wizardry. He then interviews Kenneth R. Miller about intelligent design. Finally, Stephen plays another song from R.E.M.'s appearance in April, "Hollow Man."

Gross

Vigen Christensen
Kavanagh

"If I had a quarter for every time I said I had a nickel, I'd have five times as much theoretical money. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen discusses the International Space Station's broken toilet. In the "Democralypse Now" segment, he talks about the Democratic National Committee's upcoming resolution of Florida and Michigan's nullified primaries. He then interviews Tad Devine on the subject. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," Stephen wags his finger at Scott McClellan, tips his hat to Michelle Malkin and wags his finger at blind people. Finally, Stephen interviews David Sirota about his book, The Uprising.

Fotheringham

Stephen begins by pretending to broadcast live from the Democratic National Convention, and talks about Michelle Obama's speech. He then talks about the 88th anniversary of the Nineteenth Amendment and Hillary Clinton's speech, and complains about anniversaries they are neglecting, including the birthday of Will Shortz, who makes a guest appearance. Stephen then talks about the Democrats making their convention environmentally friendly. He then interviews Bob Barr about his run for President for the Libertarian Party. He then interviews Scott McClellan about his book What Happened. Finally, Stephen tries to call the White House and talk to President Bush, but fails.
"Hey blood bank, that cookie sucked. I want my blood back. This is The Colbert Report."

List of The Firm episodes

"Our writers are back and they are sexy. Who wrote this?"

Oireachtas

Trialist

The Firm (2012 TV series)

Stephen starts by talking about the West Virginia primary. He then talks about a leaked clip of Bill O'Reilly on Inside Edition, in which he loses his temper. Stephen claims that O'Reilly did nothing wrong and tries to prove it using an "early" clip of himself in which he loses his temper. In "Better Know a Lobby," he talks to Paul Helmke of the Brady Campaign, a gun control lobby. Finally, Stephen interviews Jennifer Hooper McCarty about the sinking of the Titanic.
Jail Sweet Jail

Fredericks

Stephen discusses the results of the Michigan Democratic primary and the Michigan Republican primary. He also talks about the Democratic presidential debate in Nevada. Stephen then interviews oddsmaker Benjamin Eckstein about each candidate's chances of winning the Nevada Democratic caucus. He spins a roulette wheel to decide who will win, and Barack Obama is declared the winner. Next, Stephen chastises Conan O'Brien's claim that O'Brien made Mike Huckabee the winner of the Iowa Republican caucus. Finally, Stephen interviews Deborah Tannen about the language of women, as well as Hillary Clinton's potential struggles as a female presidential candidate.
AT & Treason
"They weren't booing at Sarah Palin at that hockey game. The crowd was just getting into the Halloween spirit. BOOOOOOO! This is The Colbert Report."
"Tonight's Colbert penny pincher: if you're out of milk, add water to yogurt. This is The Colbert Report."

Frequency response is the quantitative measure of the output spectrum of a system or device in response to a stimulus, and is used to characterise the dynamics of the system. It is a measure of magnitude and phase of the output as a function of frequency, in comparison to the input. In simplest terms, if a sine wave is injected into a system at a given frequency, a linear system will respond at that same frequency with a certain magnitude and a certain phase angle relative to the input.

Stephen begins by honoring American Craft Beer Week. He then discusses John Edwards' endorsement of Barack Obama. He then talks about President Bush's speech in Israel. Next, he discusses some U.S. states considering letting prisoners out early to save money. In "Stephen Colbert's Bears & Balls," he discusses high food prices, dollar stores and high gas prices. Finally, Stephen interviews Andrei Cherny about the Berlin Airlift.

Rhodes
Lascelles

"Hey kids, if you need a last minute costume idea, you can always go door-to-door as a McCain campaigner. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins by discussing John McCain's guarantee of victory in the presidential election. He then talks about some prominent conservatives distancing themselves from McCain's campaign. In the "Alpha Dog of the Week" segment, Stephen profiles a man who named his daughter Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak. Next, he interviews Yo-Yo Ma about his new album, Songs of Joy and Peace. Finally, Yo-Yo Ma performs his new song, "Panxolina."

Pound sterling

"Nation, I will always make eye contact with you. This is The Colbert Report."

VEN
Hutchinson

The Firm is a Canadian-American one-hour television drama that began airing in January 2012 on Global in Canada and NBC in the United States and in February 2012 on AXN, and is a sequel to the 1991 John Grisham novel of the same name and its 1993 film adaptation. The television adaptation is set ten years after the novel and film.On February 3, 2012, NBC announced that the series would be pulled from its Thursday 10/9c slot immediately, and placed on Saturdays at 9/8c starting on February 18. AXN began broadcasts in over 125 territories and countries on February 19.On May 13, 2012, NBC confirmed that The Firm had been canceled.

"I'm about to take two weeks off. You know what that means? Fresh injuries. This is The Colbert Report."

St Mary's Stadium is the home of Premier League club Southampton F.C., in the city of Southampton. It is a UEFA 4-star rated stadium and with a capacity of 32,589 is the largest football stadium in the south of England, outside of London.

Change
"The bad news: the Dow dropped 500 points today. The good news: I didn't know there were 500 left. This is The Colbert Report."
The Colbert Report

McGoldrick
Robinson 79'

Stephen discusses his appearance in an answer on Jeopardy! and Alex Trebek's mispronunciation of "Report." The ThreatDown: 5. Russia! 4. Corrections! 3. Inflatable Turds! 2. Limousine Shortages! 1. iPhones! He then shows a "filmstrip" about the 1952 Summer Olympics and Finland. Finally, Stephen interviews Bing West about the Iraq War.
Stephen begins by showing viewer submissions for "Stephen Colbert's Make McCain Exciting Challenge!" He then discusses other nations' impressive skylines and interviews Paul Goldberger about architecture. In the "Judge, Jury & Executioner: Tenth Justice Edition" segment, he discusses the Supreme Court's rulings related to the Exxon Valdez oil spill, the Second Amendment and an upcoming ruling on the Navy's use of sonar. Finally, Stephen interviews Neil DeGrasse Tyson about his show, NOVA scienceNOW.

Michael Hunt Christie (born December 20, 1949 in Big Spring, Texas and raised in Calgary, Alberta) is a retired professional ice hockey defenceman who played 412 games in the National Hockey League for the California Seals, Cleveland Barons, Colorado Rockies, and Vancouver Canucks in 1974–1981. He was the first native of Texas to play in the NHL although it was strictly a technicality as his father was a Canadian citizen working for an American oil company and he grew up in Canada. Christie did represent the United States in the inaugural 1976 Canada Cup tournament, however.Before turning professional, he played for the University of Denver men's ice hockey team as well as the US amateur national team at the 1972 Ice Hockey World Championship Pool B tournament.

"Those Republican speakers dished up a lot of red meat last night. They should have their colons checked. This is The Colbert Report."
"Hey Stephen, don't forget to stop thinking out loud. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen discusses controversial comments made by John Hagee and Rod Parsley, pastors who endorsed John McCain. He talks about California's recent decision to allow gay marriage and interviews Tony Perkins on the subject. In the "Trailers That Are Destroying America" segment, Stephen complains about The Incredible Hulk and Hancock, but praises Valkyrie. Finally, Stephen interviews Brian Greene about the World Science Festival.

Miller

Stephen discusses the writers strike and Bill O'Reilly's comments about Stephen's performance without writers. In "Around The World In 11.6 Seconds," he briefly mentions Italy, Ecuador, the West Bank, Germany and Kenya. In Indecison 2008: Don't F%#k This Up America, Stephen talks about the recent Republican presidential debate in South Carolina, focusing mostly on Fred Thompson. This leads to the "Sam Waterston Says Things You Should Never Believe In A Trustworthy Manner" segment. Next, Part 2 of "National Treasure: Portrait of Stephen." Finally, Stephen interviews Neil Shubin about evolution.
Valued Voter
Stephen begins by talking about the vice presidential debate, even though he hadn't seen it. In case Sarah Palin made a mistake during the debate, he decided to take the heat off her by shooting a member of his audience. Stephen then talks about the personal stories of John McCain and Barack Obama, claiming their stories have Shakespearean qualities, and interviews Shakespearean scholar Stephen Greenblatt. In "Formidable Opponent," Stephen debates himself about the economic crisis. Finally, he interviews Naomi Klein about politics.
Powerless
Uma Mysorekar, Junot Díaz

Noreen Halpern

Stephen talks about the economic crisis and John McCain's reaction. In response to McCain refusing to come on his show, Stephen starts rumors about him. In "The Wørd," he claims that President Bush has failed to capture Osama bin Laden because he doesn't have superpowers. Stephen then profiles a man who went to the bathroom during "God Bless America." He then interviews Robert Lutz about a new GM electric car, the Chevrolet Volt. Finally, he announces that his song, "Charlene ," is on Rock Band 2.
"Have I told you lately that I love me? This is The Colbert Report."

Herd

U.S. Airweighs
Stephen begins by pretending he is in the Atlanta airport. He then talks about the Republican National Convention. Stephen then interviews Adam Brickley about his role in getting Sarah Palin chosen as the Republican candidate for Vice President. In a special "RNC Edition" of "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger," he tips his hat to Fred Thompson and Cindy McCain and wags his finger to some sign makers who made a sign stating "Raisin McCain" rather than "Raising McCain." Stephen then interviews Ron Paul about politics.
Stephen begins by discussing the problems of the Big Three automakers and how the free market isn't to blame. He then talks about President-elect Obama's reported nomination of Eric Holder to United States Attorney General and airs the second part of his interview with Cliff Sloan. Finally, Stephen interviews Michael Lewis about the economic crisis.
"Hey, TiVo owners! Look for a secret message when you watch the commercials in their entirety. This is The Colbert Report."
Collateral Friendage

Christian

"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce us 'host' and 'audience.' You may kiss the screen. This is The Colbert Report."

W. T. Cosgrave

"What is the sound of one me talking? This is The Colbert Report."
"I swum against the Tide with Bleach Alternative. This is The Colbert Report."
Allan Sloan, Eric Weiner

The Moscow Summit was a summit meeting between U.S. Pres. Ronald Reagan and General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union Mikhail Gorbachev. It was held on May 29, 1988–June 3, 1988. Reagan and Gorbachev finalized the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty (INF) after the U.S. Senate's ratification of the treaty in May 1988.

Jones

no established religion

_3_stripes_white

"If your actions speak louder than words, you're not yelling loud enough. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen discusses the controversial cartoon of Barack Obama on the cover of The New Yorker. He talks about Miss Venezuela winning the Miss Universe pageant, which leads to a discussion on Hugo Chávez. He then interviews Julia Sweig about the oil situations in Venezuela and Brazil. In the "Difference Makers" segment, Stephen profiles Donald Trump for erecting a 70-foot flagpole in Rancho Palos Verdes, California. Finally, Stephen interviews Jason Riley about immigration.
Rush, everybody! Alex, Neil, Geddy, thanks so much. Uhh... This is The Colbert Report."
"This message will self-destruct, but only if you have one of those new exploding TV's. This is The Colbert Report."

Domhnall Ua Buachalla

Size Matters
Taped in Philadelphia, the program is introduced by a Benjamin Franklin impersonator. Stephen talks about his new set, which includes a giant map of Pennsylvania. Stephen then talks about the Pennsylvania Democratic primary and what has led up to it. He then interviews Michael Nutter, the mayor of Philadelphia, about violence in the city and his policy on guns. Finally, Stephen interviews Chris Matthews about the upcoming primary. The word that appears next to Stephen in the opening credits changes to SELF-EVIDENT.
"I always say, 'If you can't beat 'em, report 'em to Homeland Security.' They'll beat 'em for you. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen begins by paying tribute to Brett Favre. He then becomes angry about Mike Huckabee losing the Republican primaries to John McCain. He then interviews Robert Reich about the Democrats. In "Difference Makers," Stephen interviews Jason Grunstra, a man who created a website which gives away free breast implants. He then interviews Gregory Rodriguez about race relations and Mexican immigration. Finally, he pays tribute to Gary Gygax.

SUI

Unhealthy Competition

Alyson Feltes

"I am calling for an auto bailout...because I drove my car into a lake. This is The Colbert Report."

Dominion

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach; just make sure to stab with an upward motion. This is The Colbert Report."
"You know what they say, 'If it ain't broke, let me at it.' This is The Colbert Report."

Johnson
Championship

Stephen discusses the presidential election and presents "Un-American News: Obama Edition," focusing on the world's reaction to Barack Obama's election. In "Stephen Colbert's Fallback Position," he interviews Peter Earnest about being a spy. Stephen then interviews Rachel Maddow about her show, politics and Keith Olbermann. Finally, he wishes a happy birthday to his mother and leads the audience in a Latin rendition of "Happy Birthday to You."
Stephen talks about the Phoenix landing on Mars and possibly discovering microbes. This leads to a new segment, "Microbe Beat!" He then discusses Major League Baseball threatening to sue Chicago Little League teams for using MLB team names without paying a licensing fee. In "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.," he talks about hydration, pet health and plastic surgery. Finally, Stephen interviews Claire McCaskill about politics and her endorsement of Barack Obama.
Maverick Without A Cause

Fulham XI

"If you ever forget to watch my show, just try this handy mnemonic. Watch. My. Show. This is The Colbert Report."
"I'm no fan of March Madness, but it sure beats February syphilis. This is The Colbert Report.
Stephen discusses Ted Stevens being found guilty of seven felonies. He then talks about Republicans claiming that Barack Obama is a socialist and interviews the Socialist Party USA candidate for president, Brian Moore. Next, Stephen retracts his claim that Canton, Texas is a terrible place and says Canton, Ohio is much worse. Finally, he interviews Sherman Alexie about Native Americans.
Stephen begins with "Who's Riding My Coattails Now?" and chastises Fred Claus and bigthink.com. He then interviews Peter Hopkins, co-founder of that website. After Part 3 of "National Treasure: Portrait of Stephen," he announces that his portrait will be on display at the National Portrait Gallery by the 2nd floor bathrooms for the next six weeks. Finally, Stephen interviews Jared Cohen about his experiences in the Middle East.
If At First You Don't Secede

Sako , 90+1'

The episode begins with the Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders spelling "Truth" and performing to the show's theme tune. Stephen talks about Pope Benedict XVI's visit to America. In "Democralypse Now," he talks about Bruce Springsteen endorsing Barack Obama. Stephen then shows more footage of his tour of Philadelphia, visiting the National Constitution Center. Finally, he interviews Ed Rendell about Pennsylvania.

Saorstát Éireann

"In case of fire, remain in your seats until I am out of the building. This is The Colbert Report."
Pity Party

Hoogland ,

"It's not a recession, it's a correction. Correction, it's a recession. This is The Colbert Report."

Flag

Stephen begins by speaking with astronaut Garrett Reisman, who is aboard the International Space Station, about his wearing of a Wriststrong bracelet in space. He then talks about high gas prices and how each dollar of gas purchased is then spent. Next, Stephen interviews Arianna Huffington about politics. Finally, Stephen discusses the passing of Albert Hofmann.

British Isles

August 2001

Stephen is angry that some astronomers claim Jesus was born in June and complains about atheists. He is then visited by the ghost of his former stage manager, Bobby, which Stephen says proves the existence of God. He then interviews Michael Phelps about his career and new book, No Limits: The Will to Succeed. Finally, Stephen eats the ghost of Bobby.

Antonio

"Tony Awards, it's not too late to revise your list of nominees. Pow! This is The Colbert Report."
"I'm like my own All-Star Game, in that tonight, I'm also not trying very hard. This is The Colbert Report."
"Duck, duck, duck, truth. This is The Colbert Report."
"I know the knife is supposed to go next to the spoon, but where does the gun go? This is The Colbert Report."

Saorstát pound

yes

Timothy Michael Healy
Republic of Ireland

Grimshaw

Seanad Éireann

Hyam

Stephen starts by talking about Hillary Clinton dropping out of the presidential race. In "The Wørd," he talks about how the next President will not be from the South, and the controversy of a large Confederate flag being flown in Tampa Bay. In the "ThreatDown:" 5. Albatrosses! 4. Naked People! 3. T-Shirts! 2. High Class Vermin! 1. Secret Negro Presidents! Finally, he interviews Philip Weiss on his theory that men are not automatically monogamous.

Brian Calvin

The Audacity Of Hopelessness

Fullerton

Grass

"If I learned one thing from the Liberty Bell, it's that crack is wack. Stay in school, kids. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen talks about the new iPhone, and complains that it is better than the free one that he begged Apple Inc. to give to him. He then talks about the allegations that a fist-bump between Barack and Michelle Obama is also used by Hezbollah, and about Barack's alleged elitism. In "Smokin' Pole: The Fight for Arctic Riches," Stephen talks about a prediction that in the future, countries will fight over the resources in the Arctic, and how he has bought the rights to the theme music from Hockey Night in Canada. Finally, Stephen interviews Alan Rabinowitz about endangered cats.
Stephen discusses the results of the Nevada Democratic caucus, incorrectly claiming he called the victory for Hillary Clinton last week. He also discusses Mitt Romney's win in the Nevada Republican caucus, as well as Mike Huckabee's and Fred Thompson's concession speeches in the South Carolina Republican primary. This leads to "Sam Waterston Says Things You Should Never Believe In A Trustworthy Manner." Stephen then interviews Allan Sloan about the prospects of a recession. In the first "Better Know A Governor" segment, Stephen gets to know the Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford. Finally, Stephen interviews Eric Weiner about his book, The Geography of Bliss.
Robert Reich, Gregory Rodriguez

Rangers

Stephen briefly mentions Barbra Streisand kissing President Bush. He then talks about a potential government bailout of the Big Three U.S. automakers. Stephen then discusses Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen unknowingly hanging up on President-elect Obama. Finally, he interviews Geoffrey Canada about his work with the Harlem Children's Zone.

United States

"Hey, alternating current. Why don't you just admit you're bi. This is The Colbert Report."