"Get ready for authenticity, veracity, and verity. Someone's been reading a thesaurus."

Map of Indiana highlighting Vermillion County.svg

King's Medal of Merit

Stephen briefly comments on a recent USA Today article about the possible end of the universe. He then discusses the feud between Kanye West and 50 Cent, and compares it to his upcoming book being released on the same day as Paul Krugman's. Next, he talks about an article in New Scientist that claims parallel universes might exist, and "The Wørd" takes place in such a parallel universe featuring an opposite version of Stephen. Colbert introduces a new segment, "Nailed 'Em," that looks at cybercrime; this segment features Wi-Fi Piggybacking. Finally, Colbert interviews John Mearsheimer about Israel's effect on U.S. foreign policy.

Federico Cossato

Black and Silver

K28GG

"When I think about the truth, I touch myself. This is The Colbert Report!"

Blanford, Indiana

Pizzadeliveryboy

First Out-of-Context Interview, with Kay Bailey Hutchison; First Appearance of "Bring Him Back or Keep him Dead," featuring Torquemada, Charles Darwin and Dave Thomas; a sequence on positive mugshots, in honor of Tom DeLay's arrest.

John Ionides

EC St-Etienne Loire

Ten 13

inline,title

Country

• 3 × single Mk.22 3"/50 caliber guns

Thanks, Gays!

BattyBot

Coop Sverige

Vigo-Santiago de Compostela

Stephen begrudgingly praises The New York Times for giving MoveOn.org a discount for their full-page "General Betray Us" advertisement. He then discusses a study that claims half of the world's languages are in danger of going extinct and interviews David Harrison on the subject. Next, Indecision 2008: Don't F%#k This Up America focuses on Rudy Giuliani's recent trip to England. In the "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger" segment, Colbert tips his hat to Muslim hipsters, Palm Beach County, Florida and the Food and Drug Administration. Finally, Colbert interviews John Grisham about his new book.

Rider

Lumendelumine

"To make tonight's show more memorable, I've composed the following jingle: This is The Colbert Report!"

Italian singer

"I got my mojo working—mojo, of course, is what I call my assistant Monica Johnson."

André Myhrer

Prices Commission

Imperial

CRH380AL in Dec. 2011

Bridge of Regeringsgatan over Kungsgatan

Stephen is proud to announce that Stephen Jr., an eagle named by the San Diego Zoo, has started on a course back to America after flying to Canada, with extra incentive of Eagle Porn. Colbert then blames the Republican defeat on Gail Parker's annoying jingle, and introduces "Stephen Colbert's Kid Activity Corner" and shows how to make a Nancy Pelosi Hand Turkey.

Jonestown

Andre

Wong, Victor

Melbournian

Stephen calls Barack Obama a liar, for telling the truth about the false claims on him. ThreatDown Segment: No.4 was Michael Moore's upcoming movie "Sicko" for attempting to bring socialized medicine to the U.S. And No.1 was environmentalists for trying to establish trust funds for grey wolves and bears.

MGTom

Elsewhere
Stephen is disappointed at the loss by the New Orleans Saints to the Chicago "God-less killing Machines" Bears. In another "Who's Riding My Coattails Now?", Colbert calls out Bill Clinton for speaking at Knox College after Colbert already had, and artist Terence Koh for selling sperm after Stephen's Formula 401 line. The Word is based on the refusal of Alberto Gonzales to admit a right of the people not stated specifically in the Constitution. In another "Stephen Colbert's Balls For Kidz", gambling is discussed.

Homo Sapien Agenda

Flamenco Sketches

Security assistance

"Sharpen your carving knife and loosen your belt. You're coming over to my house for ThanksTruthing."

Wigmore

Stephen ends his well-announced Green Screen Challenge- one of the finalists, George L., comes on, but loses to the other finalist by a score of 40.0-39.9; new episode of Tek Jansen. Ahmed Best reprises his role of Jar Jar Binks in George L.'s entry. This is the first episode of The Colbert Report to not have a proper interview.

Out Of Line and SPV Records

Doco

Thomas Woodcock

Weimar Republic

Joe Lieberman did not "show up" for his interview, so Stephen takes calls from viewers instead. One caller complained about the "Wikiality" episode, stating he could not edit elephant because it was protected.
"I scream, you scream, we all scream for the Truth."

Footballer

Bundesmarine admirals

Wiper Fluid

yes

• 2 × Mk.9 depth charge tracks

Again spoke about the US Military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy, and spoke with Stephen Benjamin, a translator who was kicked from the military for being gay. In the second part, Colbert debuted the "Summer Special Addition" of Bears and Balls, which featured ways to save money on summer vacations. Colbert spoke briefly on the economy in Zimbabwe, mentioning the massive inflation in Zimbabwe and commenting that USD$1 equals ZWD$50,000,000. He also spoke about ivory, saying that several African countries want to start to collect and trade it again.
No Regrets

Official

Evening in Torpor

David John Hunt

Liberal National

Gaelic football player

Pencils Down

Dumfries, Scotland

Thrór

Limited express

Stormville, New York

Stephen complains about his cold and the non-working drugs he took against it. He then honors people in a new segment called "Profiles in Balls". After the break there is a long interview.

Stephen reviews the history of various Christmas traditions. Plus, new editions of "Un-American News" and "The In Box."

Superman
Stephen lampoons Good Morning America and The Today Show for their coverage of his recent interview with Congressman Robert Wexler. Formidable Opponent: Stem-cell research.

Best Western

Foreign relations of Burundi

Moolimangalam

Centenary's location in Vermillion County

Films that are Destroying America: Colbert condemns Walk the Line and Pride and Prejudice, but says, though he hasn't seen it yet, Transamerica must be a great movie, because it has "America" right in the title, and whether you're a man or a woman, it seems to have something for everyone; Homage to Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech, with a speech entitled "I Have a Dreamsicle", delivered in between taking bites of a dreamsicle, until he is suddenly stopped by brainfreeze, places unfinished Dreamsicle on bookshelf.

Stallion

English

left

Con

Cydosia

GNIS feature ID

CRH380CL in May 2011

"I'm giving America something better than candy; my opinions. But be careful! Some of them are filled with razor blades. This is The Colbert Report"

First "Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger"; First "Stephen Settles the Debate" ; First The In-Box, where Stephen reads e-mails for viewers.

Coccidiphaga

US-IN

Russian general

An eight-car China Railways CRH5 train-set. The CRH5 is derived from the Alstom Pendolino ETR600.

Dennis Good

Santos

"'Your phone is ringing. Your phone is ringing.' Free ringtone. This is The Colbert Report."

Mattythewhite

January 2011

"Hey babies, where did I go?" "This is The Colbert Report."

Demon Kiss

Jeff Greenfield
The Draft

Stephen rings in the yuletide season early. He comments on Tony Blair possibly converting to Roman Catholicism, as well as the possibility of the Bush Administration closing Guantanamo Bay. He makes a brief comment on the border fence between the United States and Mexico. Colbert names Fred Thompson the "Alpha Dog Of The Week." Finally, Colbert interviews David France about the potential link between genetics and homosexuality.

Battle of the Restigouche

[ link]

Meteorograph

Encyclopedia of Vernacular Architecture

Ribbon bar of the medal

歌川広重

Porking

Angel Dust

"Here's the truth you ordered. Watch out, the plate's very hot! This is The Colbert Report!"
Ten-Hut!

LU4

Jacqueline Cambas

Rector, Giovanni

Blanford

"Nation, It's time to grab the bull by the horns! If there are no horns, you're grabbing a cow, stop it! This is the Colbert Report!"

Part sixteen of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Brad Sherman of California's 27th congressional district. Colbert repeatedly references the San Fernando Valley's pornography industry, flustering the representative. A pornography spoof is also present in which a pizza delivery man "unexpectedly" arrives. This harkens back, most likely intentionally, to a 2004 episode of The Colbert Report's sister show The Daily Show in which Stephen also investigated the porn industry, that time on the porn industry's funding of the GOP's 2004 re-election campaign. Stephen repeatedly ran into the same pizza guy during interviews, with similar occurrences to those that happened in this episode happening to Stephen, the pizza guy, and his interviewees. The episode is notable for the fact that "The Wørd" segment did not air until the second "act" of the show.
Mentioned his "Native American friend", "gay friend", and "little person friend" and asked for applications to be his new "black friend." Revealed that the Colbert Report eagle is named "Liberty" . Placed his body parts on the auction block; his gall bladder was first to be sold, for $100.

Gerri Bird

"Put on the Sade and spritz on some Musk. I'm gonna Truth you all night long."

Stephen displayed his disappointment at the elimination of Paulina Porizkova from Dancing with the Stars, especially given that her husband Ric Ocasek is a friend of the show. Colbert discussed oil found in the Arctic Ocean near Russia, and an attempt to add Italy to the Axis of Evil led to an uncharacteristic breakdown. Later, Colbert discussed the N-word with author Jabari Asim, who wrote a book on the subject.

Governor of New Brunswick

"Hey, TV Land catchphrase contest, try this one on for size: This is the Colbert Report!"
"I've got the truth on my side - it's one of the advantages of getting to pick first. This is The Colbert Report!"

Leonardsamarcus

Part twelve of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Jerrold Nadler of New York's 8th District

Giovanni Rector

Beyond Music

"I am the Hall to America's Oates. This is The Colbert Report!"

Bert Edwards (cricketer)

Webber

High-speed rail in China

"I'm living high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation. This is The Colbert Report."

Franz S.

The CRH380AL train set, shown above at the Beijing South Railway Station, set a record speed of on Dec. 3, 2010. The record was broken by a CRH380BL train set on Jan. 9, 2011, which reached .

w/l

Sofuku-ji

EmausBot

Japanese writer

"We now return you to The Colbert Report, already in progress."

Tikiwont

"My 24-hour egg is ready. I do hate a runny yolk. This is The Colbert Report."

"Males aged 18–34 with disposable income, prepare to have your purchasing habits swayed."

Scottish footballer

Secretary-General Bolton

Sarah Peake

LU2

High-speed rail in Germany

Doig, Christopher Ross

Stephen delights in a correction by The New York Times stating they had misreported The Colbert Report's first episode's "Word" as "trustiness" rather than "truthiness," and provides "cat" as this episode's "Word" so the Times will have something easy enough for them to get right. First "I called it" segment.

None.

"This is the church, this is the steeple. Open the doors, get in there, you Atheists! This is The Colbert Report."

Stephen launches a "Campaign Against Humbuggery"; bears once again top the "Threat Down," followed by happy Germans, alien landing areas, the 9/11 Commission, wasps, popes, and threats.

"There's an old saying where I come from: This is The Colbert Report!"

Stephen makes a Korean R&B video after finishing 2nd in the Time 100 Most Influential People online poll to Korean pop star Rain. Colbert then names Naperville, Illinois his "Hometown Hero Town."
Exact Words
Better Safe Than Sorry

Peru squads

"I just finished my resume. If anyone asks, this show has been on for 30 years. This is The Colbert Report!"

Victor Wong

"Happy birthday Charles Darwin, in Hell!! This is The Colbert Report."

Instead of having a Threatdown, Stephen has a special "GreatDown", celebrating the 109th Congress. Stephen signs a peace treaty with guest Barry Manilow. The agreement ceases hostilities between the two and grants Stephen joint custody of Manilow's Emmy for outstanding individual performance in a variety or music program. In a heart-stopping moment, Stephen sings "I Write the Songs" with Manilow.

Respect

Job Description
Colbert gives a shout out to the USS Rhode Island. He then blasts Hillary Clinton's bill to revoke the Iraq War authorization. The second segment features a ThreatDown: 5. Oprah, 4. Publicists, 3. Austrians, 2. Spiders, 1. Knut, calling him the Justin Timberlake of godless killing machines. Finally, Colbert discusses Taleb's Black swan theory.

lat6 min

This episode is an hour-long joint live broadcast with The Daily Show. Colbert has two cakes ready, one for a Republican victory, with a picture of all states in red, and one for a Democratic victory, with a picture of a terrorist. Colbert notes that all incumbents profiled in the Better Know a District segments were reelected. Rep. Robert Wexler and Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton return as special guests to talk about the Democratic takeover of the House. During this interview, Wexler is very cautious to what he says after Colbert asks him if he would "reach across the aisle" and calls Norton a Republican. Colbert unwillingly declares victory for the Democrats; he then says that he quits the show and storms out the studio, but his limo driver, Uncle Sam, coaxes him to return.

Re-run

OSS 117: Le Caire nid d'espions

Logie Park

Turkey

Blanford's location in Vermillion County

Ulric1313

黄品冠

Another "Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger"; Stephen puts the Hollywood Foreign Press Association on notice; Stephen explains the gifts that will be going in the stockings on his mantle, with The Heroes receiving an IOU for one Xbox 360 they will share collectively and the Blame America First crowd receiving Stephen's latest fragrance, Scorn.

Arthropoda

Nikolai

Love Is Strong

"There's a vicious rumor going around that this is not The Colbert Report, but let me assure you, this is The Colbert Report."

Plasma east

"Let's see... Five letter word, "Proven to be accurate"... Hmm, you got me."

Prep school (UK)

Stephen expressed his anger that a severed mummy hand was recently sold at auction, but not to him; the hand was the earliest example of we're No. #1. In response to Rahm Emanuel's practice of discouraging fellow congressional representatives to decline interviews with Stephen Colbert, Colbert played an interview of him conducted by PBS's Gwen Ifill rife with potential misinterpretations. He showed highlights from last week's "Stephen Colbert Day" in Oshawa, Ontario, including footage of a fight between team mascots and Canadians impersonating Stephen Colbert. During the interview with John Perry Barlow, Colbert created the catch phrase "Librarians are hiding something" in response to the discussion over the Electronic Frontier Foundation suit against Viacom, over the right to use parody despite a copyright.

"Get on your tippy toes America. You must be this tall to ride the TruthCoaster."

Mark Taylor

None

Cydosiini

Ana Sobero

Better Than Sex

*Battle of Na San

"It's the 63rd anniversary of D-Day. Still waiting for that thank you note, France. This is The Colbert Report"

Syrian Wikipedians

QuickTake

Cappuccino
"This weekend, Hippies celebrated Earth Day; maybe one day they'll celebrate Jobs Day."
*tosses coin* "America has won the coin-toss and has elected to receive...the truth! This is the Colbert Report!"

Derek

TTN

, see text

Will Schwalbe

Waacstats

Provincial Iraqi Control

USS Swearer

The Jags

"I told you America, a hard rain's gonna fall. This is The Colbert Report!"

Mutt Lunker

Jesi

Franco Fraticelli

Hypeninae

"And after tonight, I'm off for two weeks. But don't tell my staff. This is The Colbert Report."

Scolded the San Francisco Zoo for, as he perceived, having two male eagles raise Stephen, Jr.

Εὐκλείδης

AnomieBOT

Derek Lilley

Russ Lieber accuses Colbert of never having been in the Marine Corps; first advertisement for the Colbert Cruise.

Michio Takeyama

"Happy National TV Turn-Off Week, you hypocrites! This is The Colbert Report."
FF4111

Maureen Donnelly

"It's Pi Day today - 3.14. That must be why I'm acting so irrational. This is The Colbert Report."
The big day is here, so Colbert is crazy with anticipation that Bill O'Reilly will be on the show, stating that his only goal with this show was to see this day, which makes him reveal a "Mission Accomplished" banner and open the last door on his "Bill O'Reilly advent calendar" . He then turns back to US politics talking about Bush's plans to rise the troop levels in Iraq. He then talks about fights between celebrities on his segment "We the MEdiator", rethinking his last week's judgements.

"Go out ten yards then button hook to the left. I'm gonna hit you with a perfect spiral of Truth."

Movies That Are Destroying America: Stephen scorns 'A Scanner Darkly', suspects transsexuality in 'Barnyard', expresses how much he hates "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest", and recommends that everybody see Strangers with Candy multiple times at full price.
Colbert places a Highlights for Children magazine on his bookshelf in honor of the printing of its one billionth copy.

• 3 × torpedo tubes
Bambara

Expecting

Aquila

Yobot

Counter-drug operations

Live - Very Live In Concert

Badini

The Love Letter (1999 film)

Webber, Melvin M

Ademir Santos

Frze

Renaud

The Dark Side

"I swallowed 20 condoms full of Truth and I'm about to smuggle them across the border."

Stephen makes correction, that the Chinese have four times more population than the US, not three. Colbert admonishes people teaching seniors about sex. Sport Report: about the Westminster Dog Show, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, and mentions that the Saginaw Spirit had reached the playoffs.

Connemara (Dail Eireann constituency)

Fortdj33

present

Oberon os

Expressed worry about the date, and put holy water, a crucifix, and a copy of the Bible on his shelf. Once the date was nearly over, he replaced them with a stolen shrunken head and an iPod that "plays only a video of the owner's death" and The Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps." He then attempted to flip the page on a calendar and received a paper cut.

Chris Doig

Fram

"If anyone asks where I was between 11:30 and 12, I was right here. This is The Colbert Report."

Yomangani

"Hey America, Nice Ass!"
"This is the church, this is the steeple, open the doors, ATTACKED BY AN EAGLE! AW! This is The Colbert Report!"
"By the power of Grayskull, this is The Colbert Report."

The Black Book (1938 novel)

Stephen talks about how the Republican candidates running in the 2008 Presidential election bashed Bush in their third debate. Then he shows some footage from The Situation Room when Soledad O'Brien interviewed the leading Democratic candidates about their faith. Colbert remarks that "asking Democrats about their religion is like asking Mel Gibson how he enjoyed his Passover." Next Colbert goes to "The Wørd", which is a continuation of last night's discussion about NASA Administrator Michael D. Griffin's recent appearance on NPR. In "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger" Colbert wags his finger at Fox News for discussing Vladimir Putin's threat to aim missiles at Europe because of President Bush's plan to build missile defense shields there. Colbert tips his hat to Prospero's Books for burning books in protest for how Americans no longer have respect for the printed word. He also tips his hat to Genosis, Inc. for inventing an at-home male fertility test and uses the opportunity to plug his "Stephen Colbert's Formula 401" fertility product. Colbert wags his finger at guitar players, specifically those who gathered to play "Smoke on the Water" in Kansas City. He claims that his flight was delayed, and he missed out on the celebration. Colbert goes to commercial playing the song on his own guitar. Next Colbert interviews Carl Bernstein about his book on Hillary Clinton, A Woman in Charge. After the interview, Colbert talks about an octopus that has learned to open bottles with its tentacles in his segment "The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard."

Map showing the planned main high-speed rail corridors that comprise the national HSR grid.

Introduced a new service:

Gelding

"Someone's In Love"

Sir Ross

Lara Saint Paul

Ross Munnelly

Dravecky

Tábor District

Stephen reviews the Iraq War and Dick Cheney's role in advocating it. He then interviews Thomas E. Ricks about the war. Colbert then talks about his broken wrist and shows a documentary film entitled Fractured Freedom: The Colbert Colbert Story. He announces that several people had signed his cast, including Nancy Pelosi, Tim Russert, Tony Snow, Brian Williams, Bill O'Reilly and Michael Bloomberg. He then announces he will auction off his cast on eBay for the Yellow Ribbon Fund. Finally, Stephen's doctor, Dr. Jerald Vizzone, removes the cast.

Saint Paul, Lara

White Guy

Regimental badge of 3e REI

It's A Small World
Colbert opens the show by speaking in Korean in response to North Korea's nuclear bomb detonations. He then gives an update to the Saginaw Spirit in the Stephen Colbert Sports Update . The show closes with Randy Newman singing "Political Science."

lat5 min

"A portion of this program has been recorded at a frequency only dogs can hear."

Rüdesheim

Takeyama Michio

Janusz Bielanski
Janusz Bielański

Giovanni

Inappropriate

USA Indiana Vermillion County

Rubén Toribio Díaz

Moral Minority

"Hey oscillating fans! Left or right? Pick a side! We're at war! This is The Colbert Report!"
Frank Gaffney, Chris Jordan

Munnelly, Ross

Theatrical release poster

"Well, my bracket is shot. This is The Colbert Report."

"Tip of the hat, wag of the finger": Mid-term Elections edition
Sigh
Clarity

Mimi Secue

Klondyke's location in Vermillion County

Mighty Duck

Dennis

"Could being a Nielsen family kill you? Watch the entire show to find out. This is The Colbert Report!"

"It's Columbus Day, but I won't rest until all the state capitals are recognized. This is The Colbert Report."
"Now's your chance to fall in love with Colbert Colbert all over again. This is The Colbert Report!"

Bergsjö Hassela AK

Särimner

Mashrek

Play Ball!
A Colbert Report Special Report: The De-Edumacation of the American Brainscape

Bhadani

Concelman, Carl

"I don't have a truth problem. I tell the truth, I fall down, no problem. This is The Colbert Report."

Susan Rogers

group_or_band

→ Bury

Early Immunization

Class Warfare

"It's the thought that counts and so far...I'm up to zero. This is The Colbert Report."

Meelick, Co. Galway

Dolna Kremena

Broken up, 1959

January 10, 1966 ( years ago)

Stormville Airport

The infamous anti-Rosa Parks speech; Introduces his black friend Alan; First mention of his undying hatred toward bears; Took calls from fake listeners for the first time; first appearance of Yet Another Day, the Colbert Report morning show.

Stephen briefly talks about Barack Obama turning down Brad Pitt's offer to help his presidential campaign. This segues into "The Hail to the Cheese Stephent Colbert Nacho Cheese Doritos 2008 Presidential Campaign Coverage" and how his campaign may have violated federal election law. He then interviews Massie Ritsch about campaign finance. In the "Earth Attacks: Defeating The Enviro-menace" segment, Colbert discusses the California wildfires, the Georgia droughts, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, and green burials. Finally, Colbert interviews Craig Venter about decoding his own genome.

¡Cerrado!

"Happy 300th show, me! Keep up the good work, me! This is The Colbert Report."

C to Java Virtual Machine compilers

Colbert considers Japan's victory in the World Baseball Classic a victory for the United States by proxy; performance reviews of staff members Bobby, Jimmy, and Killer are done on-air; Colbert corrects a number of factual errors from recent episodes during "the In-Box."

Command and Support Company

American urban planner

County Longford (UK Parliament constituency)

White

George West

Part one of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Jack Kingston of Georgia's 1st congressional district; First All You Need to Know.

Aularian

"It's the last show of March. I came in like a lion and I'm going out like a lamb-fed lion."

Uyvsdi

Trident13

Pas de Nom

RandR

"I'm Stephen Colbert, and I approve this message. This is The Colbert Report!"

Stephen briefly talks about an advertisement in USA Today for CNN's documentary, Planet in Peril. In Indecision 2008: Don't F%#k This Up, America, he discusses Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson's lack of appearances in New Hampshire, and his own appearance on The Daily Show earlier in the day. Colbert then announces his candidacy for President of the United States and interviews Jeff Greenfield about what his candidacy means. Next, he discusses Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton's mention of him in one of her campaign speeches. Finally, Colbert interviews Bob Drogin about his book, Curveball.

lat7 min

Putin 08

タチコマ robot

Xianfeng High Speed Train.jpg

Cold, Dead Fingers

Edward MacNaghten

auto

Steven Cooper
Labour Party

Red

"It's our 200th episode, our bi-centennial: Where is my commemorative quarter, U.S. mint?! This is The Colbert Report!"

vertical

Neil Hewett

Insecta

The Haunted Angel

Made in Iraq

Liberal Democrats

Austrian physicist

"Everyone put your keys in the bowl, it's time for a swinging Truth party!"

Democrazy
"I am The Walrus, Goo goo ka Truth."

Huáng Pǐnguàn

I dream of horses

Pillars of creation

Lemon-Raid

Boleyn

Andrew Blackhurst

Jacob Finn

(3e Régiment étranger d'infanterie)

"Megamerican" replaces "Grippy" in the opening sequence; Colbert shows a fake interview with Brit Hume and implores his viewers to harass Fox News to air the interview; Colbert shows off his tattooed knuckles that feature the names of Bode Miller and Michelle Kwan; part fourteen of "Better Know a District" profiling New Jersey's 13th District, which is currently vacant; Colbert places a sample of his DNA on his bookshelf to celebrate the 53rd anniversary of its discovery.

Loop modeling

Threat Down: Al Gore, Toby Keith, Anti-Drug Ads, Irony, Food

Stephen talks about his presidential campaign and John McCain's recent comments about Osama bin Laden. Next, he discusses a USA Today Infographic, claiming it will be the last one they publish because it was about U.S. streets being named after candy. He then discourages young people from drinking absinthe. In the "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger" segment, Colbert tips his hat to The New York Times and wags his finger at "gay wizards" and neuroscientists. He then talks to Richard Berman about consumer freedom. Finally, Colbert congratulates the Boston Red Sox for beating the Colorado Rockies in the World Series, thereby punishing them for trying to trademark the word "Rocktober." The word that appears next to Colbert in the opening credits changes from "GUTLY" to "WARRIOR-POET."
Don't
Colbert decides that a new name is necessary for the long war, and comes up with Freemerican Victernity Made in China. He then backs the idea of having illegal immigrants fight in the armed services in exchange for citizenship. He points out his position on the cover of GQ, then complains about the Four Horsemen of the A-pop-calypse: movies, television, music, and books.

Roderick Cantrill

Happy Ending

"If you like The Colbert Report, then you'll love what's coming next. This is The Colbert Report."
Illusion
"I already picked out my Halloween costume. I'm going as a guy who's always right. This is The Colbert Report."

"Take the Colbert challenge, America! Sing the National Anthem to the tune of my theme song! This is The Colbert Report!"

Concelman

TL0522

"Some pronounce it 'yee-roh.' Some pronounce it 'gyro.' I pronounce it 'lamb sandwich.' This is America! Speak English! This is The Colbert Report!"

RjwilmsiBot

"The weather's warmed up, and I'm showing some skin. This is The Colbert Report!"

Good Morning

Guild of Fools and Joculators and College of Clowns

黃品冠

Magic Flute

Calinjax

Pride Of Tahnee

The Kings Medal of Merit in Gold

Bert Edwards

Chapultepec

Indulgence

Santos, Ademir

The domestically-produced China Railways DJJ2 (China Star) high-speed train set speed record of on the Qinshen Passenger Railway, and was used in commercial service briefly from 2006 to 2007 before it was abandoned in favor of imported high speed train technology.

Go! (song)

Francois Marie Guyot

Stephen Alexander Jones

In the 45th installment of Better Know A District, the guest was Maurice Hinchey from New York's 22nd congressional district.

Nikolai Sukhozanet

"Spoiler Alert. This is The Colbert Report!"

SS8-0228 Guangzhou East 20100725.jpg

Right arm fast-medium

Tábor-pohled od řeky Lužnice.jpg

The Love Letter

Lisa Heenan

"The Colbert promise: If you don't like this show, your money back. This is The Colbert Report."

Challney

Athletes Are Above The Law

Colin Rosenstiel

Tahnee's Pride

Languages

Composition

Silks: Orange, White Star, White Sleeves, Chocolate & White Cap

"And now, the ten-time winner of the Stephen Colbert Award for Journalistic Excellence, this is The Colbert Ro... Oh shit!"

Miles Davis and Bill Evans

Saint Paul

info-fc

English footballer

¿Quién Tiene La Razón?

High-speed rail in Italy

The Wayfaring Stranger (album)

France

"America, remember the most important gun safety tip: if you have a gun, you'll be safe. This is The Colbert Report!"
Colbert debuts his new one-part series: "Stephen Colbert's Problems Without Solutions" about a zookeeper who handles bears.

"Honk if you love the truth and please stop watching TV while you're driving. This is The Colbert Report."

"Pucker up America, because I'm going to kiss and tell... the Truth."

Robust clubhook squid

David "Gordo" Gordon

"Do you really exist or are you merely a figure in one of my dreams? Either way, this is The Colbert Report!"

Martin Lucas-Smith

High Fidelity

Luke Chambers

CRH380BL in Jan. 2012.

right

"Was It Really That Bad?" on the days before the rise of labor unions. Stephen shows a clip from his new documentary, "Hiphopketball 2: The Rejazzebration '06 Remix" featuring an appearance by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Bund Deutscher Orgelbaumeister

white

Eparchia Neotoniensis Graecorum Melkitarum

Countess Time

Ruben Toribio Díaz Rivas

album

Warofdreams

Colbert halts his sperm merchant business due to excess demand.

Slambo

Langdon Mitchell

Coogee

"quietly If you can hear this you're too close to your television. yelling This is The Colbert Report!"

Bob Daspit and the Waboritas

Eagles

ArmbrustBot

Map CZ - district Tabor.PNG

"It's ladies night here on the report... My suit... Half off! This is The Colbert Report."
"The Colbert Report's terror level has been elevated to brown - someone spilled coffee on the chart. This is The Colbert Report!"

Okres Tábor

Ichiyusai Hiroshige

Melvin M

Sheila Stuart

Road

Dawynn

Tami Reiker

"Good News! I just saved money on my car insurance by switching to no car insurance! This is The Colbert Report."

left/right/center

First instance where Colbert has removed items from his bookshelf. In this case, Jessica Simpson merchandise including her album Sweet Kisses and his pair of Daisy Dukes, in response to Simpson declining an offer to speak at a Republican Party fundraiser.
In the beginning he talks about how Rosie O'Donnell's fake Chinese talking has been criticized. He then salutes Jack Kingston who took a stand against the new 5-day-workweek of Congress and talks to him via satellite. After the break there is a "Threat Down!" dealing with threats to Christmas by Britain, Jews, the Police and real Christmas trees .

FF4111a

"Stop operating heavy machinery, because you're about to take two maximum strength tablets of Truth."

English, French

List of The Colbert Report episodes (2005)

Mellenbecker

Supernatural

Bearcat

Colbert celebrates Bush's veto of the Iraq troop funding bill. He then argues that it's better to torture a few innocent people if it keeps terrorists from getting away. In the second segment, he interviews Mike Gravel about his statements during the recent Democratic presidential debate. Finally, he interviews Gina Kolata about her recent book on diets.

Family First

Colbert retires the Texas' 22nd Congressional District from the "Better Know a District" board in honor of Rep. Tom DeLay's resignation. On "Stephen Colbert's Balls -- For Kidz", Plastic Surgery.

"Get some ice; I've pulled my groin... my enormous groin."

Frank Clarence Mars

Cabo Wabo Music

Gorobay

FrescoBot

Hammersfan

Glamour

Tassedethe

Scolded PBS for their "pro-bear agenda".

Habitat

"This show is an acquired taste. If you don't like it, acquire some taste. This is The Colbert Report."

Tim!

Aosta, Italy

lon6 deg

Acontiinae

Protected soft redirects

Feng Sui

Success

David Hunt

Multipoint Ground

Hayim Vital

Alivuokralainen

Stephen introduces a new segment called "Who's riding my coattails now?" because he feels ripped off by being included in Jeopardy and because indie rock band The Decemberists announced a "green screen challenge" like he did months before. Angry about this he asks the viewers to compete in the challenge and edit his lightsaber-challenge into The Decemberists' video. After the Word and the break there is the second part of his new three-part series "The Alabama Miracle", this time featuring the opening of the "Stephen Colbert museum and gift shop".

Troops Out Now

BrownHairedGirl

Right-handed batsman

standard

TexasAndroid

Bill O'Reilly spills the beans on Stephen, and says what he really thought of him on his show. Colbert interviews Coach Bob Mancini of the Saginaw Spirit. And he doesn't like how he stands on the SMU dispute over Bush's library.

North Longford

"I'm like Wonder Woman, I've got a lasso of truth and a killer bod. This is The Colbert Report."

Oil-on-canvas

Vigo-Santiago de Compostela high-speed rail line

Alpine skier

Paisley, Scotland

Rev. Jesse Jackson

Mr I. Millard, Mrs A. Millard

Gallahadion Court in Cranberry Township, Pennsylvania; Jacksonville, Florida; Owensboro, Kentucky; Parker, Colorado; Tallahassee, Florida; Winchester, Kentucky

Franco

3rd Foreign Infantry Regiment

* Penthetria

"Caution, you are about to watch me enter a no spin zone. This is The Colbert Report!"

studio

Eat It

Stephen complains about Halloween and talks about the items he's giving trick-or-treaters. In the "Democra-SEE Democra-DO" segment, he discusses recent elections in Argentina and Poland. Colbert then confirms that he officially entered the Democratic Primary for President of the United States in South Carolina. Next, he mentions Barack Obama challenging him to a "grit-off." In the "Monkey on the Lam: Lobster Edition" segment, Colbert talks about a group of lobsters that escaped from a supermarket in Germany. Finally, Colbert interviews Lawrence Wilkerson about the War in Iraq.

Apollon famous players

Myhrer, Andre

Fool's guild

Zhōngguó Gāosù Tiělù

Seelenschmerz

Spoiler Alert
Inquisition

"I may disagree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for my right to fight you to the death. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen again comments on his broken left wrist and the agony it's causing him. In the "Wrist Watch" segment, he talks about Lance Armstrong's Livestrong wristband and introduces his own product, the Wriststrong bracelet. He then discusses the fluctuating stock market and interviews Jim Cramer. In the "Bears & Balls" segment, Colbert talks about the 2008 Summer Olympics, bootlegged Harry Potter books, and Barry Bonds breaking the Major League Baseball all-time home run record. Finally, Colbert interviews Tina Brown about her book on Princess Diana, The Diana Chronicles.
First, Colbert questioned the necessity of the Equal Rights Amendment, since everyone should be on the honor system. Later, Colbert cited the promulgation of John McCain that Sadr City is much safer than it was three months ago thanks to the military surge, despite the first-hand reports by Michael Ware that it is not safe for an American to leave the Green Zone. In response, Colbert suggested that Americans think of Iraq's capitol as Neverland. Later, Colbert proclaimed the heroism of a dog which performed CPR on its owner. After the break, Colbert decided to create and submit cover photos to Harlequin Enterprises given their interest in replacing the staid images based on fantasy with more realistic men. Colbert volunteered the intern Meg to help him stage the photos.

Swiftly Morgan

ThreatDown: Salaries! ; There is no Threat #4!; The Pope! ; The Geography Police! ; Bears! Introduces his "Condon'ts". At the conclusion of the show, Stephen got a thank you from his audience, and said, "You're very welcome", a subtextual response to the Thank You Stephen Colbert website.

Magioladitis

Colbert opens the show by commenting on Saddam Hussein's death sentence by hanging and pushes viewers to vote Republican. A net of red balloons are hung above the set, but no blue ones since he felt it wasn't necessary. He notes that if the Republicans don't win the House after the midterm elections, no balloons would be falling. He brings out two children who want a balloon drop and urges people to vote Republican. Colbert then tells the viewers what to expect while voting and ends by having a fireside chat about absentee ballots.
Back off, old man!

Energy in Germany

Munnelly

"Hey Carly Simon! Thanks for writing that song about me! This is The Colbert Report."

Franz S. Exner

Saint Bernice

Dulcieann
Swiftly Ann

Once again, Colbert opens by discussing the "Atone Phone" and plays a message left by a rabbi in Connecticut. He then briefly references the University of Florida student being tasered. Next, he talks about Blackwater USA's license to operate in Iraq being revoked. In the "Threatdown:" 5. Salad! 4. Slavic Intercourse! 3. El Chupacabra! 2. The Bingham Company! 1. Us! Colbert then interviews Jeffrey Toobin about the U.S. Supreme Court. Finally, in "The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard" segment, Colbert mentions a restaurant in Tokyo, Japan that features mayonnaise on everything.
"Selected members of our studio audience tonight will be receiving chairs. This is The Colbert Report."

Havenaar

Silence
"The opinions expressed in this broadcast do not reflect those of Comedy Central, MTV Networks, or the Viacom Corporation...because they're all cowards. This is The Colbert Report."

Leg-break

Deor

Unleavened Bread

Swedishpenguin

Exner

CRH1 EMU Head.jpg

Act Globally
"I report, I decide. This is The Colbert Report."

"Don't have a cow man, dyn-o-myte, aaaay, I'm the Fonz, what'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis? This is The Colbert Report!"

English cricketer

Carl Concelman

Doig

First installment of "Who's attacking me now?" with the Humane Society in response to Stephen encouraging people to hunt bears; Part ten of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Eliot L. Engel of New York's 17th Congressional District, in which Colbert stuffs his face with breadsticks, repeatedly assumes Engel has accepted money from Jack Abramoff, and combs Engel's moustache.

Pound Of Flesh

A brand new "All You Need To Know" with Dick Cheney, Gen. Michael V. Hayden, immigration, hurricanes. "The Craziest F#?ing Thing I've Ever Heard" - A man pulling a truck with his ear "as a solution to high gas prices."

"Don't touch that dial, and if your TV has a dial... go get a new TV."

"Who's attacking me now?": Jon Friedman of MarketWatch claims that Yahoo! News has as little chance as the Report of winning a Pulitzer. In response, Colbert pulls out his various Peabodies and Emmys.

Corner Forward

Proroblemma

Achtung! – Auto-Diebe!

Catastrophe

Arjayay

"Space shuttle astronauts, look down: you can see this from space at his abnormally protruding right ear. This is the Colbert Report!"

Rural

"Viewers of this show unite! We have nothing to lose but the facts."

"Farewell Ernest Gallo. In your honor, I'm doing tonight's show hammered. This is The Colbert Report."

Part eight of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Major Owens of New York's 11th District.

Malaysian singer

Light Infantry

Stephen talks about the "Colbert Bump," in regards to Ron Paul's recent appearance on the show and subsequent bump in the polls. He then complains about condoms being advertised on television. Colbert re-ran a segment from last year featuring the Minuteman Project. He then speaks with Vincent Bugliosi about the John F. Kennedy assassination. Finally, Colbert gives a short tribute to Don Herbert, aka "Mr. Wizard," who died the previous week.
"Hey! Peyton Manning! I'm going to Disneyworld, too! Let's go halfsies on a Day Pass! This is The Colbert Report!"

Lisbon to Madrid

Cydebot

Kettering, England

Handicapper

Colbert debates President Bush's warrantless domestic spying program on Formidable Opponent; he catwalks as a model for "Stephen Colbert's Scorn" to welcome fashion writer Givhan; he apologizes to Hamas for falsely claiming they associate with the world's number one threat bears.
Healthy Appetite

Josip Peruzović

"Still waiting for my invitation, Nicole and Keith. This is The Colbert Report."

Jim Lauchlan

"This show is filmed in front of a dead studio audience. This is The Col-scare Report."

Eumicremma

The Kiss Seen Round the World

"There are three doors; behind one is a tiger, another is the truth, and the last is a closet. Choose wisely."

David

Worry

Morley Safer replaces Stephen in a parody of the opening of 60 Minutes to announce this episode's main event: the guitar-solo challenge between Stephen and The Decemberists' guitarist Chris Funk.

→ SPAL

Are you dave gorman

Luden, Heinrich

Shogun Lodge

Dido Havenaar

Recoil
Stephen continues to attack wrist violence, and says the worst offender in "wrist snuff" is Steven Seagal. He also announces that his "Wriststrong" bracelets are now available from colbertnation.com, and all proceeds go to help the Yellow Ribbon Fund. Colbert introduces a new segment, "Nailed 'Em," focusing on successful stories in the criminal justice system. In "The Wørd," he suggests that most American products should be made in Iraq. He interviews Nathan Sawaya about his art, which he makes out of Lego.

info-s

Frank Rich's book still not #1; The Four Horsemen of the Ap-POP-calypse: Movies, Television, Music, Books; Alpha Dog of the Week: Tom Selleck, possible next President of the NRA
Colbert laments over not being awarded a Fields Medal. Upon getting over 17 million votes to name a bridge after him, Stephen salutes Hungary.

Debate over DC-residents voting bill with Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton. Criticism over Chicago Sun-Times face reading expert Rose Rosetree's interpretation of Stephen's facial features. Phone conversation with Coach Bob Mancini of the Saginaw Spirit about the Ontario Hockey League playoffs.

Ceri Galloway

Lock & Load
Remote Control

"Somebody get a bucket, I think I'm gonna Truth!"

Go It Alone
"Lights, Camera, Anger! This is The Colbert Report."

Anne-Marie du 3e Etranger

Nordica

"Move over Oprah, tonight, every member of my audience receives a priceless gift: The Truth!"

Labyrinth

Forres Thistle F.C.

→ Barnsley

First appearance of "Stephen's Sound Advice." Stephen gives advice to Iraqis on how to fight a civil war.

Lauchlan

"Strike up the klezmer and start acting like a man. You're about to have a Truth Mitzvah."

Lab

Threat-down: "Ivy Leaguers!" , "Bad Heroin!", "U.S. Diplomats!" , "Repetitive Corporate Sponsorships!" , "Conservationists!" , "and oh, yeah, bears."

Simon Kightley

Independent

Little Hut

"Caution: Tonight's show may be a suffocation hazard, because you can't poke holes in my arguments. This is The Colbert Report."

Veil (mycology)

Animalia

Threat-down: Senator Arlen Specter for suggesting taxing oil company profits, Illinois for attempting to force impeachment of President Bush, LL Cool J for thwarting "irresponsible spending by rappers that fuels the economy", Federal Express for funding a grizzly bear exhibit in the Memphis Zoo, Tom Hanks for his starring role in The DaVinci Code.

Tom Blanton, Daniel Gilbert

Old School

Green_Party_of_England_and_Wales

"I will now make a brief thirty minute statement followed by no questions. This is The Colbert Report."

Aaliyah Stevens

"On my show, it's always Shark Week. Enemies of America, you are the chum. This is The Colbert Report."
"Light the lamp and put the biscuit in the basket, this is SportsCenter... Nope, this is The Colbert Report!"

lon7 min

Tanya

"The world is a dirty place, and I'm America's lemon-scented wet nap."
"Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the Truth; if that's true, then I'm a freaking lunatic."

Exner, Franz S.

"If you watch only one Comedy Central show in the next half-hour, make it this one. This is The Colbert Report!"

China Railways CRH5 at Qinhuangdao Railway Station 20090810.jpg

In response to a comment made by Orlando Sentinel columnist Commander Coconut, Stephen reveals that he can fold his right ear into his head. He also states, during his interview with Frank Vincent, that his "balls are waxed." Part 1 of "Better Know a Protectorate" with Rep. Donna Christian-Christensen of the U.S. Virgin Islands district at large.

Melodic Hard rock, Hard rock, Symphonic Rock

Alexi Lalas helps Stephen trash talk other teams in the World Cup.

Level Playing Field

William Rhoden

Armée de terre

Ash Crow

"Wanna prepare the perfect Truthtini? That's two parts vodka, no part fact."

Picaroon

Sukhozanet, Nikolai

"America, take off your thinking caps and put on your feeling shoes. This is the Colbert Report!"
Opposition Party

Red Voodoo

Heinrich Luden

Guardamar

Ecu-Menace!
A Colbert Report Special Report: American Pop Culture: It's Crumbelievable! Damian Kulash from the band OK Go comes on to discuss how and why his band circumvented the "corporate machine." Stephen shows a typical family and how cable television has destroyed their lives.

"This'll get the fight song right out of your head. By Mennen. This is The Colbert Report."

Miro (Company)

Not 4 Sale

David Harrison, John Grisham
Stephen begins by commenting on his Emmy Award loss to Tony Bennett and their mutual love of Target. He then discusses the Canadian dollar being worth more than the United States dollar. Colbert then comments on iTunes not including commercials in the various television shows they sell. Next, Colbert interviews Sam Waterston about Unity08. Finally, he interviews Tony Bennett, who then performs "They All Laughed" with Stephen.

Metachrostis

"We've got a coast to coast heatwave, but luckily I'm America's biggest fan... This is The Colbert Report!"
"When life gets you down, don't get mad... Get Stephen."

Introduction to Stephen's self-published Sci-fi novel Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure; First appearance of "The Pulse," where Stephen plays a video of one of his fans asking him a question. Today's included How is the weight of paper determined? and What's your favorite Jay-Z Song? .

Better Than Sex (film)

Lara

S.M.A.F.U.

lon6 min

"Never mind the bollocks, this is The Colbert Report!"

Father James Martin, Ed Begley, Jr., Viggo Mortensen
"The following anger is based on a true story. This is The Colbert Report."

Havenaar, Dido

Stormwarning
orange

Wikipedia requested photographs in Cyprus

horizontal

Roubaix-Lille Metropole

"America, the culture war is like a bar fight, and I'm your broken pool cue. This is The Colbert Report."

Sesshomaru

Not 4 Sale (Sammy Hagar album)

Potential

Green & Red

"Rare Groove"

Walled community

Salty1984

Eparchy

Part nineteen of "Better Know a District": profiled Rep. Albert Wynn (D) of Maryland's 4th District. After updating the "Better Know a District" board, Colbert notes that it looks like he's broadcasting from space. After nobody laughs, he adds, "I could be alone in that feeling."

Dion

Tudor Melody

Richard Layfield

Stephen tries to interview Jane Fonda, with her sitting on his lap the whole time.

Banned "my black friend Alan", sending him to "Alan Town", "where all my banned Alans go, including Alan Colmes, Alan Alda, Alan Franken, Alan Gore, and Alan, Woody", and downgraded Alan to "my black acquaintance Alan." Received a "personal bear deterrent" from Michael Chertoff. Stephen's Sound Advice: surviving high gas prices. Premieres a "special bonus to Better Know a District": "Betterer Know a District." The premiere: Rep. Phil Gingrey recalling lines from Gone with the Wind; Colbert replies to the clip, "As God as my witness, we will never show that clip again."

Stephen starts by talking about the astronaut incident on the news and especially that everyone talks about Lisa Nowak wearing a diaper, admitting that he too wears a diaper during his workday. He then claims that Henry Kissinger called him to get him to run for president, which he says he will "not" do but he has formed an exploratory committee on whether to form an exploratory committee. He then talks about Barack Obama's presidential chances with Debra Dickerson . After the break he talks about the Scooter Libby trial which he compares with the Salem Witch Trials in a segment called "Was it really that bad?"

Combat brigades of the Armee de Terre 2011

Hushpuckena

Diaz, Ruben Toribio

Fixed-point property

"I'm the frosting on America's cake! Tonight, I'll let you lick the bowl. This is The Colbert Report!"
"You got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet. That's not a metaphor, I want someone to make me an omelet. This is The Colbert Report."

Peruvian footballer

Symbolic

N/A

Ross, Archibald

Albert Garzon

Enviro-medal Disaster

High-speed rail trains in China

"I'm the host, which makes you my guests. Hope you brought some wine; it's polite. This is The Colbert Report."
Lou Dobbs, author of War on the Middle Class, faces the truth hammer when he sits down to talk with Stephen.

Stephen talks about candidates for the 2008 presidential election, especially attacking declared candidate Tom Vilsack on his new segment "Vilsack Attack". He then talks about the racist remarks by Michael Richards with P.K. Winsome, his favorite black Republican interviewee. After the break he informs about new merchandise with his name on and then his new three-part series "The Alabama Miracle" concludes with a report on how the museum fails.

Association footballer

Schneelocke

Craig Tomsett

Takeyama

http://content-uk.cricinfo.com/ci/content/player/13405.html Cricinfo

Shayne Mitchell

live

China Railways DJJ1.jpg
From 1998 until 2007 the Guangshen Railway Company operated a "Xinshisu" Swedish SJ 2000 high speed train on the Guangshen Railway as the Guangdong Through Train from Zhaoqing railway station in Guangdong Province to Hung Hom Station in Hong Kong. The Xinshisu trainset was shipped back to Sweden in 2012.

Colbert Report Special Report: "War: What It's Good For". David Cross appears again as Russ Lieber. First installment of Meet an Ally: Palau. This is the first episode that has neither a Wørd nor an introductory phrase.

150px

Massachusetts Toxics Use Reduction Institute

"The days are getting shorter and shorter, and the Democrats have only been in power for a week. This is The Colbert Report!"

Hell, No!

Colbert brags that the Democrats cut and run on the Iraq War Funding Bill, by playing the Burl Ives song, "Frog Went A-Courting". He also reports on Lou Dobbs' comment, that Mexican immigrants have leprosy. Mini-ThreatDown: Anthony Pellicano, former P.I. to the stars, which causes Colbert to play voice messages from 1999, about taking Jon Stewart out.

Merrier

An Experiment on a Bird in the Air Pump

"Due to my unauthorized spreading of the truth, I've been forced into the Witness Protection Program. This is the Silverman Report."

Checked mail on The In Box, replayed offensive clip of his character Ching-Chong Ding-Dong, and solved all the world's mysteries with his word association system The DaColbert Code.

Alex Otaola

Alicia Scelso

Ademir

Stephen plays "spot the difference" between two pictures of 10 Downing Street. Next, he talks about Iran rationing fuel to its citizens and compares it to the 1979 energy crisis in the United States. Then, Colbert expresses his happiness that Richard Lugar thinks that President Bush's strategy in Iraq isn't working. In the "Colbert Platinum" segment, Colbert discusses the increasing number of luxury vehicles that are in car accidents, The Vatican's recent "10 Commandments of Driving," and the Montblanc "Mystery Masterpiece" pen that is encrusted in diamonds and sells for $700,000. Finally, Colbert interviews Doug Bailey about Unity08.

The Amethyst Ring (book)

"Strap yourself in and flip the switch, 'cause you're about to get a Truthocution."

Stephen congratulates Steven Van Zandt for the E Street Band being taken off notice; first appearance of Stephen Colbert's Balls for Kidz.

Bert

Dysmorodrepanis

Jonestown, Indiana

Superegomaniac
Who's Not Honoring Me Now; Stephen's Sound Advice on getting through high school.

Six Crowns

"It's the first day of spring. Birds and bees, wait 'til you're married. This is The Colbert Report"
Bad Medicine

The Black Book (novel)

"Some parts of this episode are void in Alaska and Hawaii. This is The Colbert Report."
Self-Determination

Infantry

"Well, well, well, we meet again. Only this time, it is I who have my own television show. This is The Colbert Report."

Tōkai (train)

Digestive88

Laissez Les Bons Temps Roulez

Claude Beelman

Risky Business
Stephen shows the liquids that he always takes on airplanes, and suggests ways to cope with the new airline security regulations. Better Know A District: California's 6th District and an interview with Rep. Lynn Woolsey. Colbert wrist wrestles Woolsey. In describing the 6th district, Colbert mentions that it contains Skywalker Ranch. In honor of George Lucas, Colbert films green screen footage of himself with a lightsaber that is later remixed by fans as part of his "Green Screen Challenge".

Hoser

Solitarity

"Call me Fraulein Maria because the hills are alive with the sound of Truth."

Connemara (Dáil Éireann constituency)

Centenary

Proscribed

Stephen suggests the new name for the Saginaw Spirit hockey team's mascot - the "Colbeagle". Stephen also proposed the naming of a Hungarian bridge after him. He encouraged members of the Colbert Nation to visit http://www.m0hid.gov.hu and then click on the Hungarian word on the left "Szavazok." In the "All You Need to Know" segment, he looked into the Mexican election counting crisis, and "all you need to know" is that the President will be George W. Bush. He called the interview with David Gergen, a moderate Republican, an interview with the Chupacabra.

Peri Bathous, Or the Art of Sinking in Poetry

Pin Guan

Silver King's Medal of Merit

Colbert Report Special Report: "Money and Politics - The Machine That Ain't Broke." Also in this episode, Tad, the building manager reappeared in an attempt to save his job by winning Stephen items at an auction of former Republican member of the United States House of Representatives from California's 50th District, Duke Cunningham. The auction report mirrored similar segments that are common on The Daily Show in which a correspondent goes on location for a special investigation in a pre-taped format. Colbert himself frequently did these in his time on The Daily Show. This marks the first time a segment such as this has been featured on The Colbert Report.

Victory!
"If I've said it once, I've said it 287 times. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen talks about Fox & Friends' "guy who's not Steve Doocy," Brian Kilmeade. He then discusses Tuesday's Republican presidential candidate debate, and whether the President needs Congressional approval to attack Iran. He interviews Frank Gaffney about companies that do business with Iran. In the "Colbert Platinum: Kidz Edition" segment, Colbert discusses children buying art, Posh Tots and Pint Size Paparazzi. Finally, Colbert interviews Chris Jordan about his photography.
"Warning, the contents of USA Today are really about the USA yesterday. This is The Colbert Report!"

London, England

solo_singer

"Alright stoners, start your copy of "The Dark Side of the Moon"...now! This is the Colbert Report!"

RetiredUser2

The China Railways SS8 (Shaoshan 8) electric locomotive was produced from 1996 to 2001 and provided sub-high-speed rail service. The train set a Chinese rail speed record of in 1998.

Metaphorically

Glossodice

Mort Zuckerman calls the hotline. Colbert at first cannot remember the word, and goes through it trying to remember.
Tip of the Hat: Chevrolet's new Silverado ad, George Clooney
Wag of the finger: Bill Cosby and his slave museum, Food Labels
Colbert admits there is an Adults-only secret level in his fictional World of Colbertcraft, a play on Grand Theft Auto's Hot Coffee mod.

"I've got truth fever... Seriously, I've been throwing up all day."

Colbert wins bet with mayor of Oshawa after Saginaw Spirit defeated Oshawa Generals. Colbert discusses Microsoft paying Rick Jelliffe for Wikipedia edits, and concludes that truth has become a commodity. He offers on air five dollars to the first person to write "reality has become a commodity" on Wikipedia. Wag of the finger to Scientology, which named Tom Cruise as the "Christ" of the cult.

Cossato, Federico

The Kings Medal of Merit in Silver

Hazerswoude-Dorp, Netherlands

Joel S. Chisholm

Victor

Everything Must Go
"I just saw my shadow — that means six more weeks of Truth!"
"I'm going to drop the truth on you like Denise Richards' laptop on an old lady's head!"

Comic Justice

N69

"I had an acting class this week, and it's really paid off: this is The Colbert Report."
Martyr

Dthomsen8

Rise Up Australia

Dutch footballer

Wallingwells Priory

Leonard Freeman

Twas Now

Forres Thistle Football Club

Solpadeine

center

"Loosen your belts, America, I'm gonna force feed you truth like grain down a goose's gullet."

Steven Mastin

Rendered Moot

Gerhard Goldbeck-Wood

"The leaves may be changing, but my opinions never will. This is The Colbert Report!"

Araeopteron

Southsourcing

Sergio Pellissier

Raj Shah

Italian, Eritrean

"It's George Washington's birthday, and I cannot tell a lie. The previous statement was false."

"It's time to jump down, turn around and pick a bale of Truth."

"You're about to enter another dimension - a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of Truth. There's a signpost up ahead. Next stop, The Colbert Report."
Showed his audition tape for White House Press Secretary, a lengthy sketch first shown at the White House Correspondents' Dinner that ends with him being chased by Helen Thomas, parodying many horror movie chase scenes - for example, in trying to enter his car, he repeatedly fumbles and drops his keys.

Hunt

Reserve Company

Kriegsmarine admirals

Silvana Savorelli

"I had a great Father's Day with all my kids...that I know of. This is The Colbert Report."

Barkote

Filigrana

Mission Control

Lauchlan, Jim

Cooper

INeverCry

Rajaram College

Part fifteen of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Linda Sánchez of California's 39th congressional district.
Better Know A District: Diana DeGette from Colorado's 1st
"We're reaching America's youth, nation! Check it out!"
Colbert awards Rep. John Boehner (R) Stephen's Balls for running a lobbyist reform campaign to become House Majority Leader, despite the fact that his publicly known address is rented from a Washington lobbyist; Stephen notably breaks character by laughing while crossing names of celebrities being married , but eventually recovers; Stephen ends the show with a clip of a love ballad by his former band, "Stephen and the Colberts", entitled "Charlene " full of not-so-subtle messages implying he's stalking her.
"Stephen Colbert's Executive Book Summaries Summaries", a summary of summaries of executive books.

BIL

Sacrifice

id-fc

ChrisGualtieri

Profiles In Timing
Colbert talks about the ongoing debate in the Senate about creating a timetable for withdrawing from Iraq. Colbert then expresses his goal of making his show 24 hours long. Colbert then speaks about the David Vitter Prostitution Scandal involving Deborah Jeane Palfrey. In the Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger segment, Colbert tips his hat to Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, and wags his finger to IHOP and Japan. Colbert interviews Mark Moffett about ants and their behavior. Finally, in solidarity with the Republicans about the all-night Senate debate, Colbert announces he will do the show for 24 hours. He then begins a 500-count Threatdown and gets to Threat #499, "Past Love Regrets"

The Orient

District location in the South Bohemian Region within the Czech Republic

Australian folk songs

"Genius is 10% inspiration and 90% respiration. You'd be surprised how many geniuses forget to breathe. This is the Colbert Report!"
Colbert apologizes for not mentioning bears in the previous Threat-down after a woman is attacked by a bear at a Canadian hockey game. Tonight's bonus Threat-down includes only the number one spot, held by bears; Colbert asserts that "they will kill you." Colbert gives his own version of the White House's Katrina report.

Edwards, Bert

"Hey Moondoggie, wax your board and catch a wave. The Truth's up."

Announced the hatching of the baby bald eagle named after him at the San Francisco Zoo. Yelled at the Pulitzer Prize committee for being passed over, and compared giving Louisiana papers Pulitzers for Hurricane Katrina coverage to giving Oscars to actors playing the mentally handicapped. Threat-down: Judas, Wal-Mart, Neil Young, robots, "Winnie the Bear."

Doig, Chris

Centenary, Indiana

"By now you should be trained to salivate whenever you hear... This is The Colbert Report."
Great F**king Idea

"Kraft Foods, I'd make a great pasta shape. This is The Colbert Report."

Part seven of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Jim Moran of Virginia's 8th congressional district.

"Happy belated Mother's Day! This is The Colbert Report."

lat9 min

Keith Edkins

"All You Need to Know" returns after a long hiatus.

→ Varese

Pride of Tahnee

Iphone (linksys)

Calymma

Emergency Responder

"And the Truth goes to... America!"

Pilmuir Road West

Upptåget bild 14.JPG

"See you tomorrow night, trick or treaters! Hope you like stationery. This is The Colbert Report!"

Susan Rogers Cooper

Stephen scolded the 15 British sailors whom after recently returning from captivity in Iran were seeking to publish accounts of their experience. In "The Wørd", he talked about America's bogus health care crisis. Colbert then changed the subject to an ethnic remark that he made against Hungarians on his fictional radio show, Colbert On the Ert , in which he described Hungarians as "those paprika-snorting ghoulies." Later, Colbert offered advice on the housing market in a "Bears & Balls" segment, with his big red sound effect button. During the interview with Jeannette Walls, she talks about her book about growing up homeless. Finally, Colbert was surprised to hear Hungarian Ambassador, András Simonyi on the set riffing on an Bald Eagle-embossed electric guitar.
Stephen comments on how many politicians have visited Walter Reed Hospital since the scandal. Ben and Jerry appeared to promote their new ice cream flavor named in honor of Stephen. Bears & Balls segment about recent economic fluctuations. And Mara Vanderslice talked about how Democrats can adapt to reach out to Christians.

* Eggyna
* Penthetria
* Tantura

Stephen adds pant cuffs to the "On Notice" board but has to move New York Intellectuals to the "Dead to Me" board to make room; Part five of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Mark Udall of Colorado's 2nd congressional district.

"There is an 'I' in 'team' the way I spell it. This is the Colbert Report."

Klondyke

Renaud Dion

Ekabhishek

Hunt in 2011

"Who's buried in Grant's Tomb? Give up? I hope the police do too. This is The Colbert Report!"

Fraticelli

Lilley, Derek

"Love Is Strong"

De-barking

"Please turn your cellphones and pagers to silent or vibrate; no joke, it's just inconsiderate."

Renae Moldre

"Hope you haven't eaten in the last thirty minutes America, because you're about to go swimming in the deep end of the Truth."
Colbert "Calls it!" after hearing that elephant vasectomies are being performed in Africa, referring to his [[#ep128

Angus Shaw

Grand Lodge

Justice/Just-ish

Eureka

"February, if you had any balls, you'd be three days longer. This is the Colbert Report."

Laois

Lisbon-Madrid high-speed rail line

Tom DeLay's Farewell Speech

Addbot

Part nine of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Steve Rothman of New Jersey's 9th District; Michael Adams gets a phone call from Colbert, who accepts a apology.

USSES

Hunt, David

o/a

中国高速铁路

Stephen begins by discussing the "Atone Phone" and his loss to Tony Bennett at the Emmy Awards. Barry Manilow appears as Stephen's conscience to help him get over the loss. Colbert then discusses California possibly eliminating the "winner take all" aspect of the Electoral College. In the "Difference Makers" segment, Ed Werbany, Jr. of Hilltop, New Jersey is profiled for putting a patriotic statue in front of his business. Finally, Colbert interviews Susan Sarandon about her new film, In the Valley of Elah, as well as her political beliefs.

Green Party of England and Wales

Centrx

"Hey, America! I got shotgun! Not the seat, the gun. This is The Colbert Report."

Electronic music, Futurepop

Fourth Branch

Honest Injun

"And if you think this sounds good, then you will enjoy this show! This is The Colbert Report!"

Egg Harbor Township, NJ 08234

Not

"A wop bop a loo bop a wop bam Truth."

Stephen introduced the latest eponymic animal, Stephanie Colburtle, one of the leatherback sea turtles being tracked from Costa Rica to the Galápagos Islands. In "The Wørd", Colbert revisited Monday's story about the 15 British sailors; in response to a British colonel making the distinction between the soldiers' experiences and reality TV, Colbert devised the notion that perhaps Americans should "make the war a reality show" to achieve success in Iraq and to prepare for a future "spin-off in Iraq." In the Sport Report , criminal activity of athletes and the Saginaw Spirit's end of the season were discussed. During the interview, Colbert admitted to Vali Nasr that he might consider admitting the Iraq war to be a mistake if it meant that he wouldn't have needed to learn the difference between Sunni and Shia Muslims.

Fools' Guild

→ Heart of Midlothian

SporkBot

"Have you ever looked at a cloud and thought it looked like something else? Then stop smoking dope. This is The Colbert Report."

Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger: Wag - Huntsville, Alabama, school district for suspending students who paid a homeless man to walk the halls of their school without pants; Wag - U.S. Mint for announcing that it costs more to make pennies and nickels than they're worth ; Wag and Tip - Jesus for not putting enough detail in his latest "appearance" in a rock in Mexico, but at the same time testing Colbert's faith.

Rector

Forward

North Carolina Public Radio

July - August, November - December 1993

Hazerswoudse Boys

The Unquisition

Stephen releases his new sperm, "Formula 402", in response to the finding that risky actions are caused by genes. The Threat-down, Homo-Sexy Edition : gay superheroes, Cirque du Soleil, the World Cup, the Ex-Gay Movement, desirable men , and the "other #1 threat", bears.

Lara Saint Paul and Hillary Clinton

"I'm off next week, so savor me like the last rose of summer. This is The Colbert Report."

आर्यभट

"Truth hurts, and this is gonna be agonizing."

state

Location in Tamil Nadu, India

Pin Guan ()

Stephen tracks his eagle, Stephen Jr., on www.iws.org. Stephen Jr. ends up in Canada. He then mentions that James Frey, author of A Million Little Pieces, is offering a full refund to those people who bought the book before it was revealed to be partially fictional. This leads to the night's word. Formidable Opponent: Should America set a timetable for withdrawing from Iraq? The segment ends with each Colbert holding a gun to the other's head. Stephen then interviews Ken Jennings regarding his new book, Brainiac: Adventures in the Curious, Competitive, Compulsive World of Trivia Buffs. He attempts to nail Ken by asking him, "Which element has an atomic number 75?" He also asks Ken how many pages are in his book, which Ken can't answer.
Stephen is featured in GQ, then talks about the Pope's visit to Turkey. His staff discovered Colbert County, Alabama and Stephen sent his building manager Tad to go there and open a museum in his honor in a new three-part-series "The Alabama Miracle".

Sammy Hagar, Jesse Harms

The show starts with Stephen's search for his "son" Stephen junior, an eagle named for him, who ended up in Vancouver. He then talks about how his report got the Seattle-Tacoma Airport to reinstate Christmas trees in the flight lounge.

Serena Thompson

Italian footballer

Passi (surname)

An Experiment on a Bird in an Air Pump

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger: wag of the finger to Oregon for its physician-assisted suicide law, tip of the hat to the U.S. Supreme Court for upholding the law, so there will be fewer of those hippies from Oregon, "California's Canada." Second appearance of Wilford Brimley.

Malmskillnadsbron

Semen L Frank

High-speed rail in Belgium

id-s

$400 Haircut

Colbert takes credit for Stephen Harper's victory in the Canadian federal election ; part eleven of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Bill Pascrell of New Jersey's 8th District.
Threat Down; Canadian pharmaceuticals, fake sperm, Jackie Chan, rogue waves and Magnamorphs .

Lucy Sheerman

Michio

Eublemmini

During the interview segment with Linda Hirshman, Colbert claimed that latchkey kids all grew up to be crazy, implying that he read it on Wikipedia. Hirshman then said that if Wikipedia didn't state such a thing before, it most likely soon would.

Franz Serafin Exner in 1915

Wandsworth Gaol

Experimental

Not rated [ link]

Karagöl, Giresun

Party of Change
Colbert talks about the Chinese Menace, entitling a Colbert Report special report "Apocalypse Mao: Murdered By The Orient's Success".

Railway network map with conventional lines upgraded to high-speed shown in green , and high-speed lines in orange ,) and blue ,).

"I'm attacking American enemies like a spurned astronaut! This is The Colbert Report!"
"The following anger has been formatted to fit your television screen. This is The Colbert Report."

Side Effects

"They found a new Earth-like planet, drive that Hummer all you want! This is The Colbert Report."

Richard Love

"Do we have to do this right now?! This is The Colbert Report."

Someone's In Love

Good

Lewis Herbert

"An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough. This is The Colbert Report."
"If you're watching outside of your coverage area, this is a $10 co-pay. This is The Colbert Report."

nocat

Stephen starts the episode with reiterating his support for Putin '08. He then urges Senator John McCain to choose life and warns him about the alternative - President Hillary Clinton. Stephen then talks about President Bush bringing in his father's think-tank in to alleviating the situation in Iraq. This leads to the Word: Back off, Old Man! Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger .

"Sorry, egg fans, it's the chicken. End of argument. This is The Colbert Report."

Manticore

Michael Smith

"It's the season of giving. Only 7 more days for giving people hell for saying Happy Holidays! This is the Colbert Report!"

Mimih

Whatever

Premium Package

"It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm a dog. This is The Colbert Report."

Goodnight

Movies That Are Destroying America : An Inconvenient Truth , Hoot , Over the Hedge , Mission: Impossible III, pronounced as "Miiii" , recommends Akeelah and the Bee.

Market Forces

"Our Kids: What The Hell Is Wrong With Them?" He skateboards from desk to a 1970s-esque rec room complete with beanbag chairs and shag carpeting.

David Hunt (footballer)

Colbert outlines his plan to save traditional marriage by stating that gay marriage should be banned in 49 states and legalized only in Massachusetts so all the gays will flock there. Better Know a District: Rick Larsen of Washington's 2nd. Colbert removes Mort Zuckerman from the "On Notice" board after Zuckerman apologized during the interview.

The Guild of Fools and Joculators and College of Clowns

Arthur Rubin

The Colbert Report calls the 2008 United States presidential election in favor of Bill Frist, the first news show to do so. Colbert also predicts that a war will be waged against Iran by then.

Bridge of Regeringsgatan

Sir, Yes, Sir

Overrated

"What you're about to see contains graphic violence, adult situations and scenes of full frontal Truth."

Dulwich, England

Colbert introduces a new segment, "When Ancestors Attack." Then he mentions how Colorado has made John Denver's "Rocky Mountain High" their second official song. Sport Report: advice on filling out March Madness brackets.
"Can anyone lend me 20 bucks? I can go to a cash machine after the show. This is The Colbert Report."
Second Opinion

The Guild of Fools and Joculators

Stephen proclaims America's latest victories in the British Open, the Tour de France, and Miss Universe. Threat Down: Camp Quest; Other People's Religion In Schools; LaPorte, Indiana; M. Night Shyamalan; Kix.

lat8 deg

Fill 'Er Up

Eumestleta

"It's the last day of April. One more month 'till Speedo season! Do your squats. This is The Colbert Report."

India Tamil Nadu

The Threat-down: dads; robots; Virginia governor Mark Warner; bears; and the Associated Press; Stephen places a piggy bank stuffed with one US dollar as a commitment to financing the war in Iraq.
The one-year anniversary of the Colbert Report. A new descending video screen is installed, the "Judge Tubbs" clip from BKAD is replayed, and Colbert retires the portrait that hung over the studio "fireplace" and places it for auction on eBay. The portrait is replaced by one of him standing next to the old portrait.

Eje Atlántico de Alta Velocidad

Americon Dream

Colbert was accidentally about to say "Ro-pert" and then cursed when he realized his mistake; after the opening credits he says, "The name of the show is not The Colbert Ro-shit. First installment of "Stephen Makes it Simple", with big government and small government.

Myhrer in January 2008

Sharwoods

Save It
"No animals were harmed in the filming of this episode. We tried, but that damn monkey was just too fast. This is the Colbert Report!"

Odice

United States

"I'm America's watchdog: I'm vigilant, I see the world in black and white, and I eat liver and bacon. This is The Colbert Report."
"I regret that I have but one half-hour to shout at my country. This is The Colbert Report."
A Colbert Report Special Report: The De-Deification of the American Faithscape
"This isn't a bald spot, it's a solar panel on a Truth machine."
Colbert pokes fun at USA's low student achievement in science. Part thirteen of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Chaka Fattah of Pennsylvania's 2nd District.

Alan Baker

Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger: Tip - Nebraska state legislature for its dividing of school boards along race lines; Wag - Eel catfish for "giving the Darwin-huggers another bullet in their gun"; Tip - TomKat for their birth; Wag - TomKat for "trying to steal his thunder" about their birth. Stephen then consumes the remains of the egg "Stephen, Jr." hatched out of, in response to both this as well as Tom Cruise's joking declaration to eat the placenta of his newborn daughter.

The Wayfaring Stranger

Gwernol

"Facts should be like Sansabelt pants, adjustable to fit your needs. This is The Colbert Report!"
"When the world tries to shake us up, I'm America's bubble wrap."

Donald Douglas
Albert Watts

Ruben Toribio Diaz

Reichsmarine admirals

Stephen apparently broke his left wrist last night and tries to figure out how it happened. He realizes it was when he tripped and fell during yesterday's pre-show warm-up. He then talks about residents of North Dakota's attempt to legalize hemp and speaks with Aaron Houston about his efforts to get marijuana legalized. Next, he complains about one of Nepal's Kumaris being stripped of her goddess status because she visited the United States. This segues into the "Advice To The Gods" segment. Finally, Colbert interviews Bob Shrum about his role as adviser to various Democratic Party presidential candidates.

Universal Encryption Standard

Margaret Wright

Colbert comments on the recent half clay, half grass tennis match between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal, then places grass over half of his desk. He then commends atheists for organizing themselves in Europe, so they'll be easier to fight. In Better Know a District, Tom Davis, from Virginia's 11th congressional district is interviewed. Finally, Colbert chats with Conn Iggulden about his recent book stating that boys should be encouraged to take risks while growing up.
Stephen comments on a recent report about Al Gore's energy usage. Outdoor Life fires a columnist for calling for an assault rifle ban, an action Colbert commends in the Wørd. Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle is named a top mascot, behind only the Toronto Raptor. As a result, the Toronto Raptors are moved from "on notice" to "dead to me." Tip/Wag: Wag to Bilk , Tip to 107-year-old Chan Chi.

Eve (Black Cat)

Stephen claims that Columbus Day is the most Un-American holiday in existence, criticizing Christopher Columbus for taking away jobs from American discoverers. He then advertises I Am America (And So Can You!), and attacks Pope Benedict XVI for releasing his biography, written for children, on the same day. In "The Wørd," he claims that it is right to attack print media, but wrong to attack radio. In "Stephen Colbert's Balls for Kidz," he talks about the State Children's Health Insurance Program . Finally, Colbert interviews George Saunders about political commentators.

Division of Flynn within Queensland

Red Record, C.D.I., Polydor, LASAPA

The first act opens with a remembrance of Boris Yeltsin. Colbert continues with a combative interview with Eleanor Holmes Norton regarding a recent bill to give the District of Columbia a vote in the U.S. House of Representatives. In "The Wørd," Colbert comments on United States Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Stephen Johnson's announcement that the Bush Administration's anti-global warming efforts are delivering "real results". Colbert continues with news of Russia's new regulation that all broadcasts must be 50% good news. The "Alpha Dog of the Week," went to Uncle Ben's for "breaking through the Jemima ceiling". In the interview, Colbert speculates that Dr. Weil is Dr. Phil's alter ego without a beard.

novels

Stephen downs a Hoegaarden Blanche wheat beer in front of New Jersey's 3rd district Democratic candidate Rich Sexton.

Ohconfucius

"Wha — ? Oh, this is The Colbert Report..."

End of career

lat6 deg

England

Stephen compares the YearlyKos Convention to the Nazis, calling them fascists. In "The Wørd," he talks about how we need to break the law to fight terrorism. In "Better Know A Protectorate", he talks to Representative Eni Fa'aua'a Hunkin Faleomavaega, Jr., and tries to make him argue for nuclear testing in American Samoa. He then interviews Ian Bogost about how computers act as an expressive medium. He ends with a new segment, "Colbert Commonsensicals," which features an inspirational message. It is, "Always use a mirror when you're shaving, or you might miss a spot."

Greens

lat7 deg

675 men

"The truth is contagious - and I haven't washed my hands in days. This is the Colbert Report!"

Stephen is brought to tears by the resignation of Randy "Duke" Cunningham. California's 50th congressional district is now "dead to him" and "Better Know a District" is now a 434 part series. Report is led in by the collapse of the Canadian Liberal government via a non-confidence vote. Also, he had a photo montage of Duke Cunningham's Things played at the end. First installment of "Was It Really That Bad?" on The Plague.

Robertsons

Lib Dem

"Hey camels, stop showing off and drink something. This is The Colbert Report."
Medium Matters

Bielanski, Janusz

Colbert opens the show by discussing the "problem" with Global Warming and in protest replaces Bobby with a 5000 Watt heat lamp. This is followed by the return of the "On Notice" board and the introduction of the "Fantasies" board. Jane Fonda and The Weather Channel are placed on notice and Lutherans and E Street Band are taken off. This is followed by the 39th installment of Better Know a District, with New York's 6th congressional district representative, Gregory Meeks.

Stephen takes calls from "The Heroes"; Stephen Settles the Debate: Faith vs. Science.

Live – Very Live in Concert

Rail map of China.svg

Colbert shows that Massachusetts is an anagram for The Ass Sac Smut. And has special guest Maz Jobrani who urges Arabians to refuse terrorist roles. Colbert provides the idea for Behavioral Profiling . A mini-Better Know a District is done with Mark Foley via textmessage. Colbert is outraged at Starbucks' price increase of a nickel and admits his addiction to Starbucks' five-shot Venti caramel mocha.
"I'm here to fight for justice and the American way. My weapon? The Truth!"

Edwards

Stephen projects the Connecticut primary result by projecting that Joe Lieberman will not appear on his show. Stephen gives interior decorating advice for the White House press room. First episode of the animated series Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: The New Tek Jansen Adventures. Stephen finally attempts to check in with Jon Stewart and The Daily Show.

Römer (Frankfurt am Main)

Neale Upstone

Great News

A Colbert Report Special Report: Home, Hearth, Heart & Heartland: A Return to Traditional Values. The normal theme music is replaced by Colbert on guitar and leading the audience in "This Land Is Your Land." Judith Martin appears as a special correspondent. Colbert gives "Stephen's Sound Advice" to parents on how to raise a hero. This is also the first episode in which a "The Wørd" segment does not appear.

SuperCCD

Duncan Scott

"Here's America's fortune: . This is The Colbert Report... in bed."

Paul Davies (footballer)

Toxics Use Reduction Institute

JAnDbot

Everton B.C.

"Apply directly to the forehead, Apply directly to the forehead, Apply directly to the forehead. This is The Colbert Report."

Indonesian (language)

"I'm packing America's lunch box with a truth roll-up. This is The Colbert Report"

High-speed rail in Norway

Writer, literary critic, translator of German literature

There is no Wørd for the second time in five episodes . Stephen laments the cease-fire between Israel and Lebanon, because "we are no longer on the road to World War III." Jon Stewart is added to the new "called out" board until Stewart's "on notice" card is ready - Stewart then shows up in the studio and he and Stephen discuss Jon's "feud" with Geraldo Rivera. After Jon apologizes to Geraldo, he is taken off the "called out" board. Stephen's Sound Advice: Protecting Your Online Identity. Tips: type with your non-dominant hand, pick a password you can't even remember, get hundreds of credit cards, defrag your hard drive, perform fake web searches to "throw people off", and wash your computer once a month to protect it from viruses.

T.O.

"Hey, semicolon! Comma or colon? Pick a side, we're at war. This is The Colbert Report."
On Who's NOT honoring me now, Colbert complained that he was not being awarded a Pulitzer Prize in journalism. In "The Wørd," Colbert suggested the corporate sponsorship of the War on Terror since the "War on Terror is more than a name." Video showed promoting bovine growth hormones in dairy cows. In the interview, Colbert asked Paulina to state again that "Stephen is hot!" The two then discussed Paulina's supermodel status — Colbert certified her as a current supermodel since he is an "arbiter of American taste" — and the world of modeling in general.

Structure of the French Army

Severo

BD2412

Community 3

"I'm America's Dairy Queen, giving you the soft serve news in a crunchy coating of opinion. Would you like Truth with that?"

Jerry Miller, Spencer Wells

John Collins

Colbert calls for a boycott of James Frey for upsetting Oprah Winfrey. Colbert celebrates the discussion of "truthiness" by Oprah and Frank Rich on her show, and by the hosts of Nightline. Colbert switched to the second Wørd "Unscripted" as he emulated George W. Bush's recent spate of casual appearances and launched into an "unscripted" question-and-answer session with the audience, which happened to feature an African-American, female, U.S. Marine and an Iraqi Kurd profusely thanking Colbert and exclaiming the greatness of America; "Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger" included a tip of the hat to paleontologists who discovered the fossil remains of effigia okeeffeae, an ancestor to crocodiles, for disproving the "Darwinlutionists" who tried to claim that every kind of creature had evolved from monkeys; also a wag of the finger to the same paleontologists, who named the extinct species after Georgia O'Keeffe, whose painting scares the hell out of Colbert, instead of after Edwin H. Colbert, who originally found the fossils.

Stephen starts with the "Smokin' Pole: The Fight for Arctic Riches" segment, where he attacks Canada's claim to the Northwest Passage through the Arctic, claiming it belongs to the United States. In "The Wørd," Colbert attacks WikiScanner claiming it prevents corporations from editing their own entries, and describes Wikipedia as, "Second Life for corporations". In the "Formidable Opponent" segment, Colbert debates himself on different ways people could conduct terrorist attacks. Finally, he interviews Michael Shermer about skepticism.

Vermillion County's location in Indiana

Archibald Ross

Stephen discusses a recent study that said Fox News spent less time covering the Iraq War than either CNN or MSNBC, but Bill O'Reilly spent quite a bit of time covering reader's comments on the Daily Kos website, while Sean Hannity covered the 1993 death of Vince Foster. He then talks about a new tattoo ink that is easy to remove. Next, he briefly talks about Fred Thompson's recent shake-up of his presidential campaign staff. In the "Hometown Hero Town" segment, Colbert honors Bryce Canyon City, Utah. Finally, Colbert interviews Charles Kaiser about the contributions to society by homosexuals. Colbert then "blows the audiences minds" by not doing a traditional "Good Night" segment.

India Odisha

3e REI

Necrothesp

Saul Gutiérrez

Cambridge Council election, 2006

Making A Killing

Edward Sexton

Stephen begins by issuing a correction for having called Boyd K. Packer the "Mormon Pope" or "Mope," when he is more of a Mormon Cardinal, or "Mardinal." Colbert then compares Don Imus' firing with upcoming testimony of Alberto Gonzales before Congress regarding the U.S. Attorney firings scandal. In the second act, Colbert comments on Paulina Porizkova referring to Colbert as "so hot" in an interview and places a call to her home, but ends up leaving a voicemail claiming to be Dr. Stephen Hawking. And names Paul Wolfowitz his Alpha Dog of the Week, or in this case, Alpha Wolf of the Week for his role in the World Bank scandal.
While unveiling threat # .5 as an addendum to yesterday's threatdown, Colbert finds himself in agreement with a German environmentalist over the euthanasia of Knut, a polar bear cub at the Berlin zoo, until Colbert becomes suddenly enamored when viewing footage of the cub. Later, Colbert collects on a hockey bet with the mayor of Oshawa, Ontario, wherein this day would become "Stephen Colbert Day" in the town; the day was chosen to be the same day as the mayor's birthday. During the interview with Willie Nelson, Colbert summons US diplomat Richard Holbrooke to mediate, given Stephen's ire over Willie's competing Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor. Later all three performed Willie's hit song "On the Road Again" with Bobby on rhythm guitar.

RussBot

White Gloves
Shameless

Michael Todd-Jones

Stephen criticizes Bush for not sending 300 million troops as Colbert advised the day before but he pardons him if this is "the only mistake he makes in this war". He then talks about illegal immigration in a new segment called "Invasion of the Country Snatchers" and about the new Democratic senator of Missouri and its liberal legislation in the Wørd-Segment. After the break there is a new episode of Stephen's Tek Jansen adventures.
Stephen closes the show by announcing The Word , after which the credits roll.

Karagöl Lake

Species

American-Italians

Fools' Guild (Discworld)

lat4 min

"America, your letter writing campaign was successful. The show's coming back tonight. This is The Colbert Report!"

De-bark

Colbert puts his brother Ed on notice for failing to give the Report rights to air press conference footage of the disputes between American speed skaters Chad Hedrick and Shani Davis. He then acts out the conferences using a water pipe to represent Hedrick and a hooker doll as Davis. Number five on the Threat-down was gay adoption. Roommates topped the Threat-down, though as toilet paper was the cause of one roommate murdering another, bears are involved through brand Charmin .

"This one's for the old blue, white and red — not necessarily in that order. This is The Colbert Report!"
"This show is taped before a live studio audience, as soon as someone removes that dead guy. This is The Colbert Report."
"Don't watch tonight's show if you're in jail, because the truth will set you free. This is The Colbert Report."

American marine engineer

"Hey Partridge in that pear tree - stop eating all those pears! This is the Colbert Report!"
"Warmth is to sun as Truth is to me."
"I'm rested, well-fed and looking for a fight. Are you listening, yet-to-be-named-chairman of the House's intelligence committee? This is the Colbert Report."

Rushton2010

Crh5 in Shenzhen.jpg

Birdie

Stephen corrects last night's statement that Paul Krugman's book is being released on the same day as his. He then complains about the Senate passing a bill to extend hate-crimes laws to homosexuals. He introduces a new segment, "The Gay Roundup," and interviews Dan Savage. Next, Colbert names President Bush his "Alpha Dog of the Week." In the "Monkey on the Lam" segment, he discusses a monkey in Columbia, Missouri that bit two children in a local park and is now missing. Finally, Colbert interviews Jim Lovell about the film, In the Shadow of the Moon, as well as his experiences as an astronaut.

Complained about being passed over by the Peabody Award Committee. Part eighteen of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Darlene Hooley of Oregon's 5th District.

"It's International Surf Day. Shaka bra! This is The Colbert Report."
"This show is gonna knock your socks off and I am not responsible for their replacement value. This is The Colbert Report."

Courcelles

Nottingham Forest captain

Jungle Warfare
Beret badge of the 3rd Foreign Infantry Regiment

Sarah Pillsbury

Forbes, 1954

"Welcome to the monkey house. This is The Colbert Report."

Colbert takes credit for being "donor 401", a popular, but now-retired sperm donor.

Saint Bernice's location in Vermillion County

"How many pundits does it take to cover the news? Three: Me, Myself and I!"

Football

"America, I'm auctioning off this part of the show. Your ad could be here. This is The Colbert Report."

Rmky87

Karagöl Mountains

Xezbeth

Special Prosecutor
Stephen discusses his presidential campaign and the media's reaction to the announcement. He then fills out the necessary paperwork to run in the South Carolina Republican and Democratic presidential primaries. The two-year anniversary edition of the "Threatdown:" 5. Canada! 4. Food! 3. Toys! 2. Robots! 1. Bears! Finally, Colbert interviews Garry Kasparov about his book, How Life Imitates Chess.

• 1 × twin 40 mm Mk.1 AA gun

"I'm a steamroller of truth, repaving the highway of the future. Expect delays."

"Clothes don't make the man, God does. Stop taking credit, my pants! This is The Colbert Report."

High-speed rail in Portugal

The Essential Collection 1995-2005

"Six days left to get your Christmas shopping done America. Fifteen-and-a-half , thirty-four , This is the Colbert Report!"

Stephen sends a coded message to the recently elected conservative, pro-American, French President Nicolas Sarkozy. Then he comments on the liberal bias of the questions at last week's first debate of Republican Party presidential candidates. And on the segment "Cheating Death with Dr. Colbert T. Colbert, D.F.A.", his solution to health problems is to give people his "Vaxadrin". Also, Colbert defined the term Enviroporn as the having of sex in trees of enormous height. Enviroporn is executed without the aid of harnesses or other safety equipment, but instead a boat-like structure

"Put some pants on, America. The Truth is knocking at the door."

Tom Carnahan

Iselilja

Anna Gomori-Woodcock

Stephen first talks about Mother Teresa questioning the existence of God, thus claiming the Mother Teresa was not a good person. He then interviews Jesuit priest Father James Martin on the subject. Colbert then talks about Wriststrong. He claims he has sold 19,000 bracelets. He also announces he passed a bracelet to Bill O'Reilly. This brings back the segment Where in the World is Matt Lauer's Wriststrong Bracelet?, where Matt Lauer is now wearing his bracelet. As Lauer was in Iran at the time of the broadcast, Colbert suggests Lauer should give his bracelet to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He then interviews Ed Begley, Jr. about the environment. Colbert mentions people wanting him to run for President, and says he would do so if there were a sign. Viggo Mortensen appears suddenly to give a sword to his 'lord' Stephen, who comments that it would be a great letter opener.

Recycling in the Republic of Ireland

Hebrides

Federico

Chasewc91

Missed Opportunity

Load Duration Curve

Wong

Bob Thomsen

Egg Harbor Township High School

Rodham

Cat

Camp Wickoff

Stephen paraphrases Country Music Award Nominees and places a chocolate portrait of Viggo Mortensen on his bookshelf to commemorate the 15th anniversary of the Internet.

Davix

Samuel Caldwell

Stephen begins by saying that he has run out of the drugs he has been using to help with his wrist, and is therefore suffering from hallucinations. He then talks about Karl Rove's resignation, claiming this was an hallucination. In "The Wørd," Colbert believes that John Edwards should declare himself a black woman in order to increase his chances of winning the election. He then presents an all-animal "Threatdown": 5. Bats! 4. Monkeys! 3. Karl Rove! 2. Marmosets! 1. Bears! Finally, Colbert interviews Michael Jacobson about nutrition.

ASDFGH

"America, I'm about to raise your minimum rage. This is The Colbert Report!"

Green

East of England

Harry Piel

Doig playing for York City in 2012

Modest Porpoisal
Stephen celebrates the release of I Am America (And So Can You!). Next, he complains that Ronald Reagan isn't on any U.S. coin, and discusses upcoming changes to the penny. He then talks about the Justice Department allowing harsher treatment of alleged terrorists. Next, he discusses Barack Obama not wearing a U.S. flag pin on his lapel. Finally, Colbert interviews Stephen Colbert about his new book.

Better Know A District: Lynn Westmoreland from Georgia's 8th; Stephen gives American flags and bibles to the audience and displays a self-waving American flag that also plays patriotic songs.

First appearance of "Movies That Are Destroying America" Holiday Christmas Edition. Reviews included The Family Stone, Brokeback Mountain, and The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

"I bring you the unvarnished truth, though it's lightly stained and buffed with a Danish oil."

Stephen celebrates the last St. Patrick's Day ever! Then he moves on to how Latin America has so many rabid admirers of President Bush, with comments from Esteban Colberto. In the 44th installment of Better Know A District, the guest was Phil Hare of Illinois's 17th congressional district.
"You might want to add water because this show is concentrated truth. This is The Colbert Report."

Cossato

Backsies

First generation of CRH train sets

Palmer United Party

Stephen introduces a new segment, "War on Halloween," and talks about how nature is fighting Halloween due to a failure in pumpkin crops. He then interviews Anderson Cooper about it, climate change in general, and CNN's Planet in Peril. Colbert then announces that his campaign will now be known as "The Hail to the Cheese Stephent Colbert Nacho Cheese Doritos 2008 Presidential Campaign." He also announces he has a new website for his campaign, Colbert08.org. After finding out he can't use a corporate sponsorship to fund his campaign, he uses it fund the show, with the segment being retitled "The Hail to the Cheese Stephent Colbert Nacho Cheese Doritos 2008 Presidential Campaign Coverage." He then interviews Craig Newmark about Craigslist. Finally, Colbert unveils his latest portrait.

Kicking222

urban area

Stephen talks about his favorite product, Stephen Colbert's Formula 401, and his sadness that a tanker filled with it jackknifed on the highway. He then presents a special repor-t, "DNA - Could It Happen To You?" He begins with an educational film on DNA. Colbert then attacks the Innocence Project, claiming it puts the whole criminal justice system into doubt, and interviews Jerry Miller. Finally, Colbert interviews Spencer Wells about the Genographic Project and they trace Stephen's DNA.

Miriam Lynn

Colbert mentions the ongoing Danish cartoon controversy and declares that he is against such vile depictions, because he fears for his life. In retaliation, he shows his own cartoons - stick figure versions of popular Danish icons depicted in ways that Danes would find insulting. Colbert places the last telegram he ever received to acknowledge Western Union's cancellation of its long-running service.

Tariq Sadiq

Midge Sanford

LGV Madrid-Lisbonne

"Hey America. I was thinking if you're not busy for the next half-hour, maybe you'd like to, I don't know, you know, watch the show? It's not a date or anything; we're just hanging out. This is The Colbert Report!"

Centre Forward

distances don't add up

Stephen talks about the Person of the Year decided by TIME magazine and decides that this means all his viewers who did what Stephen told them to do. He then talks about Miss USA and her second chance. After the break he shows a clip on how he visited the Kennedy Institute of Politics at Harvard University trying to bring the students to the "right" path.

Særimner

"One small step for me, one giant leap for mekind. This is The Colbert Report."

Angel Dust (Blutengel album)

Words

Place mat

Achtung! Auto-Diebe!

FF6666

Dahn

Military
"I still can't get enough of this - This is The Colbert Report!"
Stephen showed a clip of Cuban president Fidel Castro and Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez together on Castro's 80th birthday . He quoted George W. Bush's intent that the US will go and help the Cuban people in a post Castro era, and cried, 'We are coming for you, Elián!' Stephen's vote on the Hungarian bridge increased and he is officially past Chuck Norris . Fans were encouraged to visit www.colbertnation.com to find a direct link to vote for him. He joked about East Germany's Olympic swimming team, the Wonder Girls, as you would wonder if they were girls.
Citizens in Action: Fondue It Yourself. Segment with Cassie Ramoska and Ricky Faust as citizen journalists. Robert Baer discusses his new "fictional" book.
U.S.A.? U.S.A.?

Imperial government of the Ottoman Empire

"The special ingredient in tonight's show? It's love, this is The Colbert Report."

Chambers

葛飾北斎

Joseph Powell

Boleyn3

Andre Myhrer

Eparch

Stephen criticized Democratic senator Harry Reid for using "politicizing the war in Iraq" by citing a translation of a recent speech by Pope Benedict XVI. In "The Wørd," Colbert praised the president for proposing a new "war czar" position that would "chiefly be in command" of managing wars. Later aired a video describing Stephen's building manager Tad's quest to find a female companion for Stephen Jr., the eponymous bald eagle being tracked by GPS. Finally, Colbert challenged Richard Land to name one thing that conservatives have gotten wrong, specifically in regard to their invocation of God to justify political decisions.

LUTON

Timothy Ward

Supporting Role

Hugh Mennie

Colbert launches "Stephen Colbert's Guardian Eagles" to oversee prom week activities; first installment of "The Difference Makers."

Stephen chided Sean Penn for his blunt criticism of the Bush administration. Colbert discusses Iran, specifically a clash over religion, with former US Secretary of State Madeleine Albright who took the opportunity to promote her new book The Mighty and the Almighty: Reflections on America, God, and World Affairs. On the feature 'Tip of the hat, wag of the finger' Colbert took a strong line against children doing meth, questioned the need for an all-gay cable channel and criticized scientists for creating a new breed of sheep.

Guild of fools and joculators

The "Atone Phone" for Jews who have wronged Colbert is reintroduced. In "The Wørd," Colbert says it is a good idea for MSNBC to play footage of their 9/11 coverage, and they should present re-runs of all their old news programs, so that when President Bush leaves office, people will remember him as a hero. A new Tek Jansen episode is broadcast. Colbert interviews Joel Klein about paying students who get good grades. After the interview, Klein phones Stephen, saying he cheated on his interview.
"Congratulations, Drew Carey. CBS, remember to spay and neuter your host. This is The Colbert Report."

Chinese designed CRH380A train leaving Shanghai's Hongqiao Station.

Stephen talks about Fred Thompson, and announces the start of his coverage of Indecision 2008: Don't F%#k This Up America and tells the people how not to "F%#k up" the election. In "The Wørd," he talks about his support of American businesses moving to Mexico for cheap labor, and selling the products back in America. Colbert then interviews his executive assistant Katie Bruggeman, who claims to be the preschool girlfriend of Sgt. Dave Karsnia, who arrested Larry Craig. He then interviews Garrison Keillor about his book Pontoon.

Better Known a District: Carol Gay from New Jersey's 4th.

A Colbert Report Special Report: The De-Ballification of the American Sportscape; Stephen awards the report the Omnisport Award for Excellence in Everything.

Sarah Ellis-Miller

"Bless you! I assumed somebody sneezed... This is The Colbert Report."

→ Crawley Town

Victor Wong (singer)

Victimcrite

Bahawalanzai

Colbert announces he received his first donation for his new charity, the Stephen & Melinda Gates Foundation. Also, Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger; Tips to Iraqi TV for their American Idol-esque Iraqi Star and to aliens for their 3-D crop circles. Wags to Arizona for their new voter lottery and Wal-mart's new policy regarding shoplifting for items under $25 dollars.

Peter Pope

Stephen mocks The New York Times for its article the previous day, "Romney Political Fortunes Tied to Riches He Gained in Business." Next he calls Scooter Libby's prison sentence "ludicrous" and gives his advice to Libby about how to handle prison life. Colbert then mentions his feud with Koren pop sensation Rain and responds to some South Korean press articles about his own previously-aired Korean pop music video. In "The Wørd" he discusses NASA Administrator Michael D. Griffin's recent appearance on NPR. He complains about how the New York Times says people are calling the iPhone "the God machine." Colbert then displays The God Machine he used on The Daily Show. In the segment "When Animals Attack Our Morals" he talks about a pair of male flamingos at an England Zoo that adopted an abandoned chick. Finally he interviews Jessica Valenti about her book, Full Frontal Feminism.

Stephen reiterates that Vladimir Putin should run for President in 2008 and checks his recordings on his TiVo DVR . After the Word, there is a "Threat Down!" on toys. They are the 100 hoops basketball toy, the Barbie: My Scene head model, Target (store), Toys for Tots, and the Nintendo Wii

Chris

"Focus on the spot on the wall and breath over the contractions. This truth's coming out head first."

Sinned

Guangshen Railway .jpg

Stephen comments on Bob Barker's final appearance as host of The Price Is Right. He then talks about People Magazine naming Matthew McConaughey their sexiest bachelor. Colbert briefly speaks about his music column on iTunes. In the "Tip Of The Hat, Wag Of The Finger" segment, Colbert applauds Arnold Schwarzenegger and Republicans. Finally, Colbert interviews Toby Keith, who also performs.
Stephen compares Britain leaving Iraq to Britain leaving the U.S. and India - saying it will cause a flourish of Democracy.

Myanmar Military

Johnpacklambert

Ross

James Harley Lauchlan

Petites Sœurs de l'Agneau

Australia / France

Ben Ben

Omnipaedista

"This way lies madness, because I'm mad at a lot of things. This is The Colbert Report."

China Star.jpg

"Shave off your body hair and put on your bike shorts. You just grabbed the yellow jersey in the Tour de Truthiness."

Stuart Newbold

An Experiment on a Bird in an Air Pump by Joseph Wright of Derby, 1768.jpg

Colbert continues to attack Hollywood films that show "wrist violence" and calls on Hollywood to stop showing such acts. He introduces a new segment, "Arc! Who Goes There?," also known as, "Smokin' Pole - The Fight for Arctic Riches", where he talks about Russia's recent claim that the North Pole and its natural resources belong to them. Colbert calls for America to fight back, fearing that if the Russians control the North Pole, they will control Christmas. He briefly congratulates Rupert Murdoch's takeover of The Wall Street Journal, although he wonders if he has instead taken over Reuters, who were first to report the story. Colbert then interviews Kathleen Kennedy Townsend about religion and politics.

Bobet

Geniac

Deepti

Colbert makes a rare correction about winning Mega Millions drawing, and calls his boss Sumner Redstone to grovel. The Word was about removing the military Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. Then there was 2007's first installment of "Easter Under Attack": proposed Easter Bunny name change to spring bunny. And Michael Specter talks about Vladimir Putin's suppression of and mysterious deaths of journalists in Russia.
David France

¿Quién Tiene la Razón?

John of Reading

Mitch epstein

"Hey, Reading Rainbow! Stop promoting the homo-literate agenda. This is The Colbert Report."

Jenks24

Eric Barrett-Payton

High-speed rail service on the Guangzhou–Shenzhen Railway

Timothy Haire

Solidarity

Austrian

Bay Buchanan, Bob Deans

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free... but just for the next half-hour."

Suggested to President Bartlet to pardon The A-Team before The West Wing goes off the air to "secure his TV president legacy." Colbert begins reselling a limited supply of Formula 401, for Russians only, in response to Russian President Vladimir Putin's efforts to increase Russia's fertility rate.

"Beware - Today's Ides of March alert level is at 'Orange.' This is The Colbert Report."

List of Doughnut Varieties

Callaway Arts & Entertainment

"Congratulations, person who won American Idol, I knew it. This is The Colbert Report."

T&A

The Font

La Papagena

The Twilight Chronicles

Ross Ó Maonaile

Stephen talks about Michael Bloomberg, mayor of New York City, leaving the Republican Party. He then complains about a court ruling that prohibits the United States from indefinitely detaining civilians, even if they are designated "enemy combatants." In the "Cheating Death with Dr. Colbert T. Colbert, DFA" segment, Colbert talks about nutrition, oral hygiene and weight loss. Stephen's solutions for each issue are, respectively, Vaxa-Smacks, Vaxa-Dream and Vaxadril. Finally, Colbert talks with Will Schwalbe about e-mail and how to use it in a better way.

Sukhozanet

"I know we've been together for a year now, Nation, but I would still so do you. This is The Colbert Report."

"I'd never get a $400 haircut. I'd get $100 haircuts four times a week. This is The Colbert Report."

Heinrich

I Want Candy (2007 film)

Cooper, Susan Rogers

Jesse Griffiths

Avicennasis

"From the creators of The Colbert Report, this is The Colbert Report."

Better Know A District, Raúl Grijalva from Arizona's 7th congressional district.

Lilley

Announced that Colbert Nation was now a nuclear power, "in an arms race with Hannity & Colmes." On the 20th installment of "Better Know a District", Georgia's 11th Congressional District, interviewing Rep. Phil Gingrey, .

"Error 404. Introduction to show not found. This is The Colbert Report."

Pellissier

Colbert predicts Academy Award winners Rachel Weisz, Reese Witherspoon, George Clooney, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Crash with the DaColbert Code.

Colbert is ecstatic at the slaughtering the Bears underwent in Super Bowl XLI. Also, he introduces a new product "Formula 419" . Then, Colbert notes that Stephen Jr. has returned from Canada and back into Washington . Colbert asks residents of North Oregon to lure Stephen Jr. out. This is followed by the Threatdown: Energy Efficiency, Giant Mexican Babies, Naked People, Miss America, Valentine Candy. Valentine Candy is #1, for introducing new candy hearts which say "Bear Hug" on them.

In 2007, the Guangshen Railway became the first in the country to have four tracks, which allow faster passenger train traffic to be separated from slower freight traffic .

Stephen attacks bloggers for intercepting footage of him before he interviewed Bradley Whitford ; Stephen played the recording of the telephone call he got from the man he called his mentor, Wilford Brimley; Promo for Yet Another Day.

Stop It

"Turn-offs: phony people. Turn-ons: people who watch my show … and sex. This is The Colbert Report."
"Watch this show in a well ventilated area. My truth can be overpowering. This is The Colbert Report."

"How many roads must a man walk down before he's hit with an eighteen-wheeler of Truth?"
"This is The Colbert Report, or for our foreign viewers: THIS IS THE COLBERT REPORT!"

Quitter

Stephen pines for Matthew McConaughey to be reinstated as Sexiest Man Alive, scorns Deck the Halls, Black Christmas, and It's a Wonderful Life, and speaks to Richard Linklater about Fast Food Nation

"I have had it up to here ...also down to there , but in between...I'm good. This is The Colbert Report."

Dumb-ocracy

Taco325i

Milton Keynes public art

Problem-novel

"Get ready to make a difference... by watching TV."

USS Swearer (DE-186)

Yevgeny Podkletnov

Whyaduck

• 1 × Hedgehog Mk.10 anti-submarine mortar

"Mark your calendars America, I'm turning February twenty-one into February twenty-wow!"

meritorious achievements in the fields of art, science, business and public service

Public art in Milton Keynes

Marian Holness

Home Field Advantage

Stephen talks about more applicants for his new black friend, but then reconciles with Alan ; the return of "Formidable Opponent" with detaining suspected terrorists in Guantanamo Bay Naval Base; Stephen adds a Wendy's "Great Biggie" to his bookshelf, as its name was changed to "large."

→ Northampton Town

Colbert announces that the San Francisco Zoo is planning on naming a newborn bald eagle Stephen Jr. in his honor; Russ Lieber debates Colbert on the issue of school vouchers, and ends up confessing his love for "quadrapalegic gay men in wheel chairs, holding babies."

Pellissier, Sergio

Stephen talks about the latest attack in DC, on him, by Rahm Emanuel. The Word refers to South Carolina proposing to allow prisoners to donate organs to reduce jail time. Threatdown: 5.Angry seniors, 4.Dancing seniors, 3.Time Magazine, 2.Fertility clinics, 1.the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. And the "Alpha Dog Of the Week" was awarded to Robert Hancock of Carterville, Illinois.

Philip Dimitrov Dimitrov

Tit For Tat

Kin Kletso

627 (Lilo & Stitch)

April 2008

"Mi casa es su casa. "Casa" means "anger," right? This is The Colbert Report."

Galway Connemara (Dail Eireann constituency)

"They say only drunks and children tell the truth. Guess which one I am."

Etr 600 pendolino frecciargento.jpg

"A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y? Consonant or vowel, make up your mind, we're at war. This is the Colbert Report!"

Colbert predicts the Apocalypse because of a recent solar eclipse and endorses polygamy in "The Wørd". Part seventeen of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Adam Schiff of California's 29th congressional district.
"You're in for a real treat tonight... if you are watching this show from an ice cream parlor. This is The Colbert Report!"
Opens with a demand of forgiveness from various Jews. Author Daniel Golden helps Stephen form an opinion on early admission to colleges. Golden immediately calls after the interview to, as a Jew, apologize for the interview, saying he should have made his point clearer. Better Know a District: Paul Aronsohn from New Jersey's 5th.

full

Conservative Party

Jamestowne

Easy A

Jacksquat
"Time to take a half-hour break from rockin' in the free world. This is The Colbert Report!"

National Voting Rights Act of 1965

Colbert updates journalist Jill Carroll on what's happened in the world while she was held captive. Women's History Month is celebrated by honoring Soledad O'Brien. Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger: wag for giving the Templeton Prize to a scientist, tip to Canada, wag to Victor Willis. Colbert encourages viewers to download episodes of the show from the iTunes Music Store.

"For best results, apply this program four times daily. This is The Colbert Report."

Al Franken gloats about the Democrats' Congressional victory; Franken claims credit for saving Rush Limbaugh's life for calling him a big fat idiot. Better Know a Founder with Thomas Jefferson - three look-alikes, after being judged on their fashion sense by Tim Gunn, compete in America's Top Jefferson. Stephen fights paleontologist Mike Novacek over the existence of dinosaurs.

*Cydosia aurivitta Grote & Robinson, 1868
*Cydosia nobilitella
*Cydosia curvinella Guenée, 1879

"Life is a crap shoot, and I'm your loaded dice."

Neal Ford

Stephen begins the show wearing an airliner pilot's uniform. He talks about the "Colbert-Branson Interview Trainwreck" and that an airliner owned by Virgin America has been named the "Air Colbert." In "The Wørd," Colbert talks about Fred Thompson not formally declaring himself as a candidate for the election. He then discusses Brian Williams failing to give his Wriststrong bracelet to someone more famous, i.e. Matt Lauer, and creates a new segment, "Where In The World Is Matt Lauer's Wriststrong Bracelet?" In the "Colbert Platinum" segment, he talks about the shutting down of a helipad in Saint-Tropez and the growing demand for champagne. Finally, he interviews Richard Branson about Virgin America and "Air Colbert." At the end of the interview, Branson throws water on Stephen, who then retaliates.

Attempted to make contact with the spirit of John Lennon through electronic voice phenomena.
Colbert Report Days of Repentance Hotline 1-888-OOPS-JEW, George Allan's Jewish mother, The Greatest Story Ever Sold getting cockblocked, Geneva Convention Compromise, Green Screen Challenge - Trevor Homer, Colbert Cruise '06

His Way
""I give you 360° of news, minus my 36° finder's fee. This is The Colbert Report"

Janusz

The Lladró Museum

Labor

Klondyke, Indiana

Foreign relations of Namibia

Newton

*Eublemminae Forbes, 1954

"I'm going through America's trash separating the white glass of truth from the green glass of facts."

Aisteco

German

Bielanski

lon4 min

"A dozen is 12. Bakers, learn how to count. This is The Colbert Report."
The Intolerant

• 8 × 20 mm Mk.4 AA guns

Stephen opens with a "Shout Out!" to Michael Rehm , a cook at the Amundsen-Scott Station in Antarctica and Colbert fan. The red balloons are finally dropped in an attempt to hide news of the Republican loss from Michael, and this is followed by the "South Pole Minute". During the Wørd, Stephen pushes for U.S. President Putin in 2008. A video segment about the "only" black Republican, "P.K. Winsome: A Journey Home", in which P.K. visits Harlem to rally the GOP base there. Finally, Stephen interviews inventor Dean Kamen while seated in an iBot, a sophisticated wheelchair of Kamen's design.

Max Boyce

Melvin M. Webber

Stephen complains about dumpster diving and to prevent it, he says to horde your trash. He comments on Vice President Dick Cheney asserting that he is not part of the Executive Branch. The special "tropical-themed" Threatdown: 5. Sand! 4. Japan! 3. Octopi! 2. Coral Reefs! 1. Dolphins! Finally, Colbert interviews Tom Hayden about the Iraq War.
Freem replaces superstantial in the opening sequence. Colbert thanks former Archbishop of Warsaw Stanisław Wielgus for being caught in a Catholic Church scandal of a non-sexual nature; scorns Democrats for taking a day off Congress for the college football National Championship game, with quick suggestion of taking a day off for an Ontario Junior League Hockey game; begins new segment "We the MEdiator" to pick sides in celebrity feuds, featuring Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump, Angelina Jolie vs. Madonna, and Amitabh Bachchan vs. Shahrukh Khan; and ends the show in tribute to James Brown by declaring himself the new "hardest working man in show business".
"How many times do I have to tell you 'This is The Colbert Report'? One more? Fine! This is The Colbert Report."

Division of Flynn

Wigmore, Luton

"Happy Birthday, America. You may be 230, but if you were a dog, you'd only be 32... but you'd be dead 'cause dogs don't live that long. This is The Colbert Report."

FR CD 299

GKFX

Jonestown's location in Vermillion County

"This show may be recorded for quality assurance. This... is The Colbert Report."

"That tingling sensation means the truth is working. This is The Colbert Report."

Hungarian ambassador to the United States András Simonyi announces that Stephen Colbert won the Northern M0 Danube bridge-naming contest, but in order to actually have the bridge named after him Colbert must be dead; Colbert lambasts NASA for launching Space Shuttle Atlantis instead of sending the president to Mars.

Melvin M Webber

Tōkai

"If you can't stand the heat, air condition your kitchen. This is The Colbert Report."

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Karagöl lake

Lmblackjack21

Chambers, Luke

"In thirty minutes, I'll be on a helicopter to Barbados. This is The Colbert Report."

Hōjō family

Takeyama, Michio

Na Na-Na Na Na Na

Condemned some leading Republican opponents of the border security plan for acting like Democrats; spurred by the success of the "Better Know a District" series, debuted the 43-part series "Better Know a President" with first installment Theodore Roosevelt.

Kongens fortjenstmedalje

License Renewal

Part two of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Barney Frank of Massachusetts's 4th congressional district; Harriet Miers added to the Bookshelf of Broken Dreams.

"Now zip it and cop a squat, little mister, or you are grounded for a week. This is The Colbert Report!"

"Hey, penny loafers! Get to work and earn that money. This is The Colbert Report."

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come one, come all, step right up and marvel at the exotic and the mysterious freak show. It walks, it talks, it crawls on its belly like a reptile. No photographs, no paper maché; it is... the Truth."

"Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed. This is The Colbert Report."

*Battle of Dien Bien Phu

"We're holding our spring formal and my date is the truth. Tonight, we're going all the way."
"Hey Mom, check it out! I'm on TV! This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen reads his mail from people who want to be his new black friend. He interviews Julian Bond, Chairman of the NAACP, asking advice on how to choose his new black friend. He also interviews Congressman Robert Wexler of the 19th District of Florida.

"There's A Brand New World"

Jim

Stephen balks at a scientific study saying that chimpanzees are more evolved than humans in DNA. On "The Wørd," he talks about John Edwards' $400 haircut and considers him going over to the Republican party. Colbert then interviews Sean Penn, and leads to a Meta-Free-Phor-All hosted by Pinsky . Penn uses the "soiled and blood-soaked underwear" metaphor three times. The last round features an image of George W. Bush in said underwear, and Sean Penn wins 10 million points, much to the dismay of Stephen.

Colbert listens to the State of the Union address while doing the show; first appearance of "The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard." Colbert introduces his version of "what you need to know" news and mispronounces Senator Ted Stevens as Ted Williams, then laughs and says wish I could see it.

Second Out-of-Context Interview, with Patrick Fitzgerald; Stephen Settles the Debate: Ramadan vs. Halloween; Placed Rock and Roll nativity scene on his bookshelf to celebrate the end of "Rocktober."

"And... the award.. for the best adaptation of the truth.. goes to.. envelope, a la the Academy Awards This is the Colbert Report!"

Xqbot

"All You Need to Know" returns. Stephen implores Sir Benjamin Slade, a British man searching for an American heir, to give his estate to him.

History of Cairns

Kevin Blencowe

Two class medal

TURI (disambiguation)

From the previous episode, Colbert again mentions the possibility that his ancestors were Jewish. He then discusses perceived inflammatory speech on the Daily Kos website and interviews the website's founder, Markos Moulitsas. In the "Monkey on the Lam" segment, Colbert talks about a capuchin monkey that picked the lock on his cage door at a zoo in Tupelo, Mississippi for the second time in two weeks. He then discusses Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' failure to meet his potential. Finally, Colbert interviews Michael Wallis about the Lincoln Highway.
"Being me is a full-time job and I've never missed a day. This is The Colbert Report."

Alcuin

Lose

The Snout, Hypena proboscidalis

"Mr. Stephen Colbert requests the pleasure of your company on the occasion of his latest television program."

Ruben Toribio

Saint Bernice, Indiana

"Warning: refreshing as it is, this show will not replace your electrolytes. This is The Colbert Report!"

Better Know A District: Eleanor Holmes Norton of Washington, D.C. At the end of the interview, Marvel Comics Editor-In-Chief Quesada gives Stephen the shield of Captain America.
Single Serving

true

Stephen brags about winning the Mega Millions drawing, which hadn't happened yet. In this segment he also mocks Viacom CEO Sumner Redstone. Then he talks about how Lewis "Scooter" Libby was found Not Guilty on 1 of the 5 counts. In The Word segment, Colbert commends doctors who refuse to treat patients for religious reasons. ThreatDown segment: No. 1 was Gravity.
Plan B

Colbert visibly mourned Katie Couric retiring The Today Show for the CBS Evening News and Meredith Vieira leaving The View. "Formidable Opponent" - Immigration.

Colbert opens the show by showing a clip from Fox News' Fox & Friends, talking about the invisible beam that makes a person think he is on fire. Colbert then talks about how he stole his neighbor's New York Times and argues with David Leonhardt about what one could do with $1.2 trillion. This is followed by a new segment, "Judge, Jury, and Executioner" and ends by revealing the new microwave which he would be sending to Bill O'Reilly after stealing his earlier.
Stephen again talks about his broken wrist and displays the flowers that were sent to him. He then discusses a recent article in The Wall Street Journal that says dust plumes from China are causing air pollution in the United States. He then complains that labor unions are destroying America. The Threatdown: 5. Weak American Bellies! 4. The Bankrupt! 3. Party Poopers! 2. Scottish Surgeons! 1. Badgers! Finally, Colbert interviews Evan Osnos about the effect of China's cashmere farms on the environment.

Kumbet High Plateau

Tábor city

Myhrer

"Side effects of tonight's show may include euphoria, patriotism and painful urination."

"Break out some vodka, some lime juice, and the facts. You're about to do an upside down Truthikaze."

Stephen begins by talking about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's visit to the United States. Next, he claims that the most important thing America can do is improve the morale of its troops, or rather one troop, General Petraeus. In the "Alpha Dog of the Week" segment, Colbert talks about a man who was found not guilty of indecent exposure while building bookshelves in the nude. He then talks about his dislike of the metric system. He then interviews Thomas Friedman about foreign affairs and insourcing. Finally, Colbert announces that over 40,000 Jews called the "Atone Phone" and plays some of the messages.
WWJD Would Jesus Dispense
Stephen wonders why the media is still discussing the Libby trial. Then he talks about the death of Captain America, and adds more in The Word. Better Know A District guest was John Yarmuth from Kentucky's 3rd congressional district.

Colbert attacks Barney Frank for calling his show a waste of time; Stephen explores Matthew McConaughey's ego after he's named People Magazines Sexiest Man Alive; Threatdown; The Prescott Groups video 'Oil: Here Today, More Tomorrow.

The whole episode is used to slowly build up to the guitar-solo-challenge against The Decemberists' guitarist Chris Funk, including a Stephen-friendly performance of "Stephen, Stephen" a song written just days before by Robert Schneider of The Apples in Stereo and a "Shred Down." Stephen – who, after "injuring himself", is replaced by Peter Frampton – wins in a close contest. Other guests include Henry Kissinger, rock critic Anthony DeCurtis, and Governor-elect Eliot Spitzer. The end of the show sees Cheap Trick guitarist and Colbert Report theme writer Rick Nielsen lead the other three guitarists and Stephen in a rendition of the theme.
"I'm only going to say this once. "
Colbert displays his new historadocufictionary "Road to 11-7" in the model of "Road to 9-11". Special Guest "P.K. Winsome" talks about Black Republicans and how they get more attention than Black Democrats. Another edition of "Stephen Colbert's Sport Report . He talks about the Saginaw Spirit and offers new items that the Spirit can sell in their gift shop. He talks to the winner of the auction for his former portrait, Chad Walldorf of Stickyfinger's in Charleston, South Carolina. Ron Reagan also gives Colbert a new hairdo, so that Stephen can look even more like his idol, Ronald Reagan.
Killing two birds

#"So What"
#"Freddie Freeloader"
#"Blue in Green"
#"All Blues"
#"Flamenco Sketches"

AAAHH!!! Real Monsters (video game)

"Nation, be mine. This is The Colbert Report."
Colbert comments on how David Geffen has switched his support from Hillary Clinton to Barack Obama. Then he mentions how Tom Vilsack chickened out of the presidential race, and interviews him in a new segment, Profiles In Quitters. And Problems Without Solutions, special report about SAHD's , which Colbert says is against nature's laws.

Diaz

Newton (Melkite Greek)

"It's 6-6-6, and this show contains many Satanic backmasked messages. tropeR trebloC ehT si sihT."

Sergio

James Strachan

The show starts with Stephen explaining the new background of his interview table, which is the Birth of Jesus scene . He then talks about Dick Cheney's pregnant lesbian daughter and that there might or not have been an order of Colbert's sperm to her address. After the break there is a new "Tek Jansen" episode.

Serendipodous

Ashkani

Stephen upbraids Bill Gates for giving charitably to other nations while bemoaning America's faltering competitiveness. He retracts his disparaging comments about Captain America when he learns that the superhero has bequeathed him his shield.

Dion, Renaud

Clean Slate

"Let's make this quick, our Christmas party is tonight."

"The pen is mightier than the sword... if you shoot that pen out of a gun. This is The Colbert Report."

Second generation CRH train sets

"America, I'm throwing my arms in the air and waving them like I just don't care. I'm sorry, I just can't do it - I do care! This is The Colbert Report!"

lat8 min

Qwghlm

"Sorry Cookie Monster, 'C' is for Colbert. This is the eponymous report!"

"The answer to tonight's sudoku is 123456789, not necessarily in that order. This is The Colbert Report."

Public-See

Still in anticipation of Bill O'Reilly arriving in-studio on Thursday Colbert is more nervous than the day before, bringing out some cherished objects he plans to show O'Reilly the next day. He then talks about the NFL play-offs with Lynn Swann, trying to trash talk all teams except the New Orleans Saints who he favors. After the break "Better know a district" continues with Washington's 3rd congressional district representative, Brian Baird.

"I got 99 problems, but the Truth ain't one."

DVD cover

lat9 deg

Rosemary Clarkson

Bring 'Em Back Or Leave 'Em Dead: Asian Edition; Formidable Opponent: Torture

Stephen complains that USA Today, The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal got an iPhone before he did. He then speaks with Tom Blanton about recently released secret CIA documents. In "The Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-Calypse" segment, Colbert discusses Shaquille O'Neal's reality show, Sinéad O'Connor's comeback album, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and the Transformers movie. Finally, Colbert interviews Daniel Gilbert about the meaning of happiness.

lon8 deg

Casualty of War

A Word From Our Sponsors

Travolta

Stephen Lawrence

Ithinkicahn

CRH2C & CRH3C 200808.jpg

Let My People Go
Talked about the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy, and spoke about a report called "Psychophysiology of Male Homosexuality" by James W. Holsinger, who has been nominated by President George W. Bush to become Surgeon General, that deemed homosexuality as "unnatural". The ThreatDown featured a flip-flop style: 5. Robots!, 4. Bears!, 3. Robots!, 2. Bears!, and 1. Robot Bears!
Stephen briefly talks about President Bush temporarily transferring presidential powers to Vice President Cheney while he underwent a colonoscopy, as well as the minimum wage increase that went into effect today. Next, he talks about endangered species going extinct. In the "Movies That Are Destroying America" segment, he rails against 10,000 B.C., Bratz, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and Hairspray. Colbert interviews Anthony Romero about the ACLU. Finally, Colbert pleads to become a member of the Illuminati.
Wishing viewers a happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, Colbert calls for a nationwide lie-in to refuse engaging in "anything at all", in the style of passive protest such as Rosa Parks, then attacks Senator Barbara Boxer for comments suggesting Condoleezza Rice has no personal ties to the Iraq War. Colbert praises the army for lowering recruitment expectations in order to be filled; channels last week's guest Jim Cramer for a new financial segment "Stephen's Bears and Balls" focusing on real estate, oil, Cingular's name change, soy milk, and beef jerkey.

lon8 min

Johan Elisson

Guild of Fools and Joculators

Kevin Francis

Grease Paint

Igualada cemetery

Homestead-Miami Indy 300

Abbreviation

"You've heard of truth in advertising? This is truth with advertising. This is The Colbert Report."

Maashatra11

Live: Hallelujah

• 8 × Mk.6 depth charge projectors

First appearance of Russ Lieber; Stephen replaces the U.S. Constitution with a framed credit card offer; Lisa Loeb has a cameo, singing a few bars of "Stay "; First Un-American News.

Karagöl summit

Absolutely Maybe

Capital

Christopher Ross Doig

Pamela Stacey

Flynn

USA

Miami, Florida

Coat of arms of the Eparchy of Newton

"Children, get nestled all snug in your beds, while visions of Truth dance in your heads."

The domestically-produced China Railways DJJ1 (Blue Arrow) train, first deployed on the Guangzhou-Shenzhen Railway in 2001, could attain a top speed of . The DJJ1 trains were transferred to lines in southwest China in 2008.

"This is The Colbert Report."

November Surprise

"I hope you brought a well-sharpened number Truth pencil."

Trisateles

"The following program was supposed to contain scenes of brief nudity. Thanks a lot, network. This is The Colbert Report."

Hamas tops the Threat-down for "forming an alliance with bears" in a television show with which they are connected; after reading a study showing that a TV in the bedroom cuts frequency of sex in half, Colbert feels bad and makes it up to the viewers by reporting on the new Medicare Part D with the lights low and with lots of seductive innuendo. The gold fiddle in the episode is a reference to the Charlie Daniels song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia."

Support Company

"I'm fully dilated and effaced and I'm squeezing out a bouncing bundle of Truth."

中國高速鐵路

"Demon of facts, begone!"

MarylandArtLover

Stephen replaces Scott McClellan with Terrell Owens's agent, to do a better job repelling questions at a White House press conference; Part four of "Better Know a District," with Rep. John Mica of Florida's 7th congressional district; another "All You Need to Know"; and a visit from the spirit of Jon Stewart, who tells us that the studio of the Report was built on an Indian burial ground.
Part six of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick of Michigan's 13th congressional district; First installment of "Around the World in 11.6 Seconds."

"Hey, Transformers: robots, or cars? We're at war, pick a side. This is The Colbert Report."

Gooooaaaaal!
Stephen praises women's slutty Halloween costumes. He announces the winner of the auction of the photo that previously hung over his fireplace. He also gets incredibly scared by a video showing the reality that Nancy Pelosi may become Speaker of the House. He conducts an interview with Log Cabin Republican from the new show Freak Show, who outs many gay Republicans, including Abraham Lincoln.

Pioneering physics in Austria

Shapour Meftah

McConaughey
"Before we begin, I need to do my vocal warm-ups. Me, me, me, me, me, me! This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen again begins by discussing the "Atone Phone" and complains that Ed Asner has yet to call and apologize for disrespecting his Wriststrong bracelet. Asner then calls and chastises Stephen. Next, Colbert talks about the recent incident in which a University of Florida student was tasered by campus police at a John Kerry speech. In the "eco-conscious" edition of "Colbert Platinum," he discusses yachts that are equipped to collect environmental data for study, Clayoquot Wilderness Resort in British Columbia, and Louis Vuitton's "Tribute Patchwork" bag. Finally, Colbert interviews Naomi Wolf about her belief that the United States is heading toward fascism.

Odice jucunda, Delightful Marbled

Rjwilmsi

Profiled a fireworks salesman in The Difference Makers; said "goodbye" to the Supreme Court; left the show in solidarity with Star Jones leaving The View.

"If you're doing yoga, time to transition into the downward facing eagle. This is The Colbert Report."

Dr. Terry Charlton

"Is this The Colbert Report? The answer may surprise you. This is The Colbert Report!"

Elpaw

Heated Debate

Lunchables

town

GDibyendu

The 22nd edition of "Better Know a District", Nebraska's 2nd Congressional District, interviewing Rep. Lee Terry, .
A distraught Colbert opens the show by noting that nothing important happened except a strong rain and Britney Spears's breakup with Kevin Federline. In order to alleviate his anger, he strikes a blue donkey pinata with a bat. Stephen is completely silent during the Wørd, during which the bullet points describe his thoughts on the results of the Midterm Elections. Newly elected John Hall, who was profiled in a Better Know a District segment, returns and sings the National Anthem. A new Tek Jansen theme song is unveiled and the episode closes with a montage of the now-dead Republican majority.

Airogance

Another entry to the Green Screen challenge is shown. "The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude" shows an interview with inhabitants of Spencer County, Indiana with the controversy over Santa and Abraham Lincoln being the centerpiece of the town. Jon Stewart is tricked into calling the "Days of Repentance" hotline, followed by Un-American News.

Dfass

Colbert compares the platforms that Hillary Clinton and Lucifer would have in a potential election. He also suggests Lucifer be a vice-presidential candidate, with John McCain as the presidential candidate. Colbert announces that Saginaw Spirit has officially named their mini-mascot "Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle." At the end of his show, he declares he had a perfect show and retires his jersey.

Fraticelli, Franco

"Today is the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. But what really matters is... how thick is it?"

Melkite Greek Catholic Eparchy of Newton

"If you're sitting within three feet of your TV, careful! You're in the 'splash zone.' This is The Colbert Report."

Steven Ensby

Case Closed

Hmains

Stephen announced that he will be having a metaphor-off with Sean Penn on Thursday's show. Update on Stephanie Colburtle the turtle who was in 2nd place at the time of broadcast on the race to the Galápagos Islands, by some logic "proving Darwin wrong." Short mention of Iraqi insurgents. On the section Tip of the hat, wag of the finger, Colbert responded to several stories .

Smarterer

Better Half

Natalie Mayer-Hutchings

Location in Odisha, India

Cobra group (art)

RESPECT The Unity Coalition

Leinster

A China Railways CRH2C and a China Railways CRH3C train in Tianjin. The CRH2 is a modified E2-1000 Series Shinkansen. The CRH3 is based on Siemens' ICE3.

Simon Mitton

Iain Macleod

Ntsimp

"Forgive me, Father, for I have Truthed."

* Eggyna

mark9size

Bad Boys / HELP!
El Comandante

Ciampi

Charles Matthews

"Tonight's show is an anagram. Can you unscramble it in time? This is The Colbert Report!"

Simon Watkins

NiciVampireHeart

*Battle of Route Coloniale 4

Chris Funk, Robert Schneider of The Apples in Stereo

Raimondo

BOTijo

"You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps me fire you. This is The Colbert Report."
Stephen comments on the nomination of Robert Gates and on NASA's plan to colonize the moon. He then comments on how a tribe of Native Americans kicked out one of his members in his Word segment. After the break there is the "Sport Report" with a rant about the Saginaw Spirit, who lost 3 games in a row despite having a mascot named after him.
"America, be amazed as I bend this spoon by using the power of my hand."

Stephen first talks about Tutankhamun and the debate about whether he is black or white. He then talks about the Democratic Party's recent debate on MSNBC. In "The Wørd," he discusses the best way to improve the health care of children. In the "Wrist Watch" segment, Colbert announces Wriststrong bracelets are now being worn by Neil Cavuto, Larry King, Adrian Grenier, Seth Rogen and Bill Clinton. Next, Colbert interviews David Schwartz about campaign advertisements. Finally, Colbert finishes the show with a presidential advertisement from 1984 for Ronald Reagan.

Robert4565

lon7 deg

Absinthetinence

Lise Meitner

Stephen starts by dancing/singing "My Humps" behind his desk and discusses Grammys. He then talks about criticism of the Iraq War transitioning into "The Wørd." This is followed by a "Tip of the Hat - Wag of the Finger" segment, in which he commends Australian Prime Minister John Howard for his attack on Barack Obama, but also chastises him for attacking an American citizen. He then talks with guest Michael Oppenheimer about his climate change report. He closes by naming Bollywood iconic actor Amitabh Bachchan, who survived a camel kick to the head, "Alpha Dog of the Week."

Trifa

"In the future you will be able to inject this program directly into your eyeballs; the future is now!"

"You want the Truth? You can't handle the Truth! But, I've got oven mitts!"

rail lines with top speeds of 1,040

Eublemma

Belly Achin'

G-Unit–The Game feud

Road bicycle racer

Luden

Someone's in Love

Gallahadion

Psychopharmaparenting

United Kingdom Independence Party

"Just a reminder, the Colbert Report original cast recording is available on sale in the lobby. This is The Colbert Report!"
Cut and Run

Luke

None, The episode starts right with the theme song.

Callaway arts & Entertainment

Angela Ozturk

Sweet Dreams
"Call me, Reese Witherspoon. This is The Colbert Report!"
List of The Colbert Report episodes (2006)

Supercalafragelisticexpialadocious

Limerick East (UK Parliament constituency)

Dido

In "The WØRD", Colbert defines "Wikiality" as "truth by consensus" , modeled after the approval-by-consensus format of Wikipedia. He praises Wikipedia for following his philosophy of "truthiness", that intuition and consensus is a better reflection of reality than fact. As he states, "if enough people believe something", it must be true. He also calls on people to edit Wikipedia so it says certain things, for instance, that the elephant population had tripled in six months. As a result, many of the topics Colbert mentioned, as well as numerous Colbert-related topics, were temporarily protected.

"I'm offering back-to-school savings. Save yourself the pain and don't go back to school. This is The Colbert Report."

Route Adélie

"Tonight, the show is in...3D! Unless you are watching on a television. This is the Colbert Report!"

Metric

EL-DE-Haus

Colbert starts by introducing a new segment, "California Values Watch". After addressing San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's recent problems. Then talks about the controversy stirred between Representatives Loretta Sanchez and Joe Baca. This is followed by the series finale of Tek Jansen.

Boucher

Jeff Greenfield, Bob Drogin

Rhypagla

Peter of Padua

"Stephen Colbert is Cool."
"There's a hole in every man the size of the Truth and I'm gonna jam it in there."

Telephone code

Memorial Samyn

Never

"In Vino Veritas, and I am hammered!"
Bard

Stephen picks up where he left off last night, Threat #499 on the Threatdown, "Past Love Regrets." Colbert again comments on the previous night's all-night debate in the Senate, and how he "did the show" for 24 hours to show solidarity with the Republicans. He then thanks the Bush Administration and the media for re-frightening him about Al-Qaeda. Colbert then complains about Vatican City being the first sovereign state in the world to go carbon neutral. Next, he names David Beckham the "Alpha Dog Of The Week." Finally, Colbert interviews John Mellencamp, who also performs his song "Our Country."
Stephen reports on John McCain's recent presidential campaign woes. He briefly comments on former Virginia governor Jim Gilmore's withdrawal of his candidacy for President of the United States. He then talks about the recent spat between Michael Moore and CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta about alleged inaccuracies in Moore's film Sicko. Colbert then interviews Moore. Next, he introduces a new segment, "The March To Enslavement," in which he worries about $100 laptops and Apple's new iPhone. The crawls at the bottom of the segment are attempts to spell "$100 LAPTOPS" and "APPLE" respectively in binary, though the first crawl isn't complete. Finally, Colbert interviews Frank Sulloway about the possible link between birth order, I.Q., and radicalism

http://content-uk.cricinfo.com/ci/content/player/12625.html Cricinfo

"Guests of The Colbert Report stay on the fabulous couches of their friends. This is The Colbert Report."

''Cydosia

A Colbert Report Special Report: A Salute to the American lady, which Colbert was forced to do after being involved with some of the interns. Stephen R.A.P.S., Cooks with Feminists , and ends by declaring everyone Mrs. Colbert.

The Ashtrays

"Rock My World"

"Let's change the world! But not the channel!"

lon5 min

"You Got Me Rocking"

Public

High-speed rail in Spain

ShelfSkewed

"Happy second anniversary, Pope Benedict! You'll always be Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger to me. This is The Colbert Report.

Lambiam

"And they say the Truth still roams these very woods."

安藤広重

Stephen is unhappy at the fact that Stephanie Colburtle The Turtle did not win The Great Turtle Race, after being bested by another turtle named Billy. He claims Billy is a male, and demands a re-race. On "The Wørd," he talks about the suggested walled-up neighborhoods of Baghdad, quoting from the military that these are but "gated communities" and tells how these areas can be put to good use, in terms of real estate. He continues his four-part series "Better know a Protectorate," with Guam, interviewing Delegate Madeleine Bordallo.

Jonathan Goodacre

Katter's Australian Party

Luke Chambers playing in red for Nottingham Forest

Americasroof

Branding

lon9 deg

"Knock knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke."

List of The Colbert Report episodes (2007)

Ariel-Film

Rioting Do's and Don't's; Colbert marks premiere of The Colbert Report in Canada by welcoming Canadians as fellow "it-getters"; bears, the soulless killing machines, top the Threat Down once again.

Harp of Burma

Big Deal
"The Truth hurts; fortunately for America, I'm a masochist."

Stephen briefly talks about wanting to see Bigfoot dead. He then talks about Fred Thompson and how to get a round of applause without asking for one. In "The Wørd," Colbert worries that the diplomatic peace negotiations in North Korea may make people think that diplomacy works. In the "science and technology" edition of the "Threatdown:" 5. Remote Control Toys! 4. Hybrid Cars! 3. Sloppy Scientists! 2. White Chocolate! 1. Robots! Colbert then interviews John Kao on how America is becoming less innovative. Finally, Colbert shows an advertisement for I Am America (And So Can You!).

Raven in Orbit

Messiah of the house of Joseph

"To me, every day is the Fourth of July. Which is why so many of my checks get returned. This is The Colbert Report."

Good, Dennis

"I've been yelling this in the mirror all week: this is The Colbert Report!"
Conducted fake interview with Tom DeLay by splicing in his words from three separate interviews for the 23rd installment of "Better Know a District." Put his honorary doctorate from Knox College on bookshelf along with pictures of TV doctors Noah Drake from General Hospital, Gregory House from House, and Cliff Huxtable from The Cosby Show. Credits list Producer Dr. Stephen Colbert.
Monkey Butter
John Stossel says there is nothing wrong with cousins marrying each other , Mission plan concocted for Killer, Bobby, and Ric Ocasek to rescue Stephen Jr., Stephen's Sound Advice: Power Failure.
None. "Stephen Jedi" video intro

In anticipation of Bill O'Reilly arriving in-studio on Thursday, Colbert lashes out at Jimmy the director for a squeaky chair. In a new segment "Invasion of the Country Snatchers", Colbert profiles immigration issues, from an Italian-descended anti-immigrant possible Presidential nominee, to a chain of pizza restaurants which accept pesos, segueing into Letters from Iwo Jima winning the Best foreign Film Golden Globe. In another "Stephen Colbert's Sport Report", Colbert covers David Beckham playing for Los Angeles, and an anti-Colbert movement of fans throwing teddy bears on the ice when the Saginaw Spirit played the Oshawa Generals in the Ontario Hockey League.

* Tantura

Part three of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones of Ohio's 11th congressional district. Included a proposed TV show called Judge Tubbs. Also read from The In Box, and told us about an ongoing contest to guess what number he's thinking of. It's not: 7, 16, 111, 280 or 499. First time interview was conducted via satellite rather than in-studio; Whitford appeared surrounded by his Emmy awards, which Colbert suggested could fight his Emmy award.

Stephen Colbert talks about Whitney Houston's break-up, and airs the second installment of The New Adventures of Tek Jansen. He also completes a bust of George W. Bush that is made up of cut-up pieces of the New York Times. Stephen says he'll send it to the New York Times as a pinata, but says that they'll be surprised by what it's filled with.

"Ruby Tuesday"

"Lincolnish" replaces "Megamerican" in the title sequence. Proposed a boycott of the dime, claiming that FDR was a "tax-loving mental cripple." Two changes to the On Notice Board, Journal of Paleolimnology replaces Fabergé eggs, and Todd Rundgren replaces business casual. "Was It Really That Bad?" discusses 1906 earthquake in San Francisco. In another installment of "The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard", Colbert reports on scientists who created eyeglasses for a housefly. The second Colbert Report episode without a Special Report where "The Wørd" wasn't aired.

Bataillon de Joinville

Hamish Downer

Colbert places Mort Zuckerman On Notice after U.S. News and World Report sent a fax claiming that he misstated Zuckerman's position on tax cuts. Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger: Wag - College Students.

In the "Who's Honoring Me Now" segment, Colbert praises Marie Claire for listing I Am America (And So Can You!) as one of their "7 Things To Get Excited About." In the "Who's NOT Honoring Me Now" segment, Colbert complains about being snubbed for a Nobel Prize and that Al Gore keeps winning awards instead of him. In "By The Pocket's Red Scare - Is that a socialist welfare state in your pocket or are you just trying to destroy America?," Dennis Kucinich appears and empties his pockets, per Stephen's challenge last week. Finally, Colbert interviews Paul Glastris about college rankings.

Colbert provides a different view on global warming with his PowerPoint presentation/"top-grossing documentary" The Convenientest Truth.

Carl

lon9 min

High-speed trains in China before the CRH series

Bears absent from the Threat-down for the second week in a row. Colbert proposes to mate various blond celebrities to enhance their blondedness. Colbert boasts in an "I Called It" segment his correct predictions for Oscar winners.

Kingsley Dickins

AvicBot

None of the Above

Powell vs alabama

Premiered the Report's new report on the avian influenza: "Death From Above: Bird Flu Is Going To Kill Everyone."

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness: Churches, fill your baptismal fonts with Purell."
"Hey, Tony Awards, you forgot this performance: This is The Colbert Report."

Operation odessa

"Nation, you're like a family. That's why this year I'm claiming you all as dependents. This is The Colbert Report!"

Pay Board

NOAC